The Harmonic Resonance of Thriving Community

Couples learn a lot about each other on trips. Take for example the couple on a road trip that stopped at a diner for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip. When leaving, the woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table. She didn’t miss them until after they had been driving about twenty minutes. As they drove back to get them, the husband moaned and groaned under his breath about his wife’s forgetfulness. To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the husband yelled to her . . . “While you’re in there, would you get my hat and credit card?”

Does that sound familiar? Men and women are so different, and it’s never more obvious than on road trips. The stereotype for men is generally true. We don’t like to ask for help. Why does it take millions of sperm to fertilize one egg? Because they refuse to stop and ask for directions.

Recently, Meg and I were driving from downtown Grand Rapids to Rivertown Mall and we didn’t have the GPS. We were on a tight timeframe, and it was taking a little longer than we expected. Meg said, “You’re lost. You have to stop and ask directions.” I replied, “We’re not lost. We’re just not there yet.” For a man there is no such thing as being lost. That’s why we don’t ask for directions. If there is still gas in the tank and hours in the day . . . , basically if you’re moving you’re not lost. Remember Moses! He wandered in the desert for 40 years without asking directions. That trip could have been so much quicker.

Seriously, why is it so hard for many of us to ask for help? Do we think we will lose face? Is it an ego issue? Have we fallen for the delusion of separateness?

Asking for directions is an essential spiritual practice in this time of massive change. So much is changing, whether it’s a new economic situation or a new spiritual paradigm. As someone said to me during the week, we are in uncharted territory. Many of the things that gave you a spiritual compass in the past no longer seem relevant. The Bible doesn’t have the same literal, inerrant authority. Your concept of God is changing and growing. Religion doesn’t provide the same certainty it used to offer.

While it’s true that you have incredible inner wisdom and resources, it’s also true that we need to encourage and challenge, sharpen and support each other. That’s why community is so important. We need each other for sustained spiritual growth. Spiritual community is a place where you can practice being human in an ever changing world, and create sweet harmony alongside kindred spirits.

Harmonic Resonance

What does harmony have to do with spiritual growth and life purpose?

A man was deep in meditation. He wondered to himself, “Is there a plan for my life? What is the plan?” He heard a voice say “It’s B flat”. He repeated it to himself, “The plan for my life is B flat!” He understood it immediately. He had a clarinet tuned to the key of B flat. His favorite pastime was to improvise with his B flat clarinet. The plan for his life was to improvise.

When you are in uncharted territory, you need to improvise. That’s quite different to what many of us have been taught in church. We have been taught to follow the rules, do what you’re told. God said it. Believe it. That settles it.

There is an awful church sign that says, “A free thinker is Satan’s slave.” The name of the church? Harmony Baptist Church! Harmony? The harmonic resonance in a community has nothing to do with group think. A community of free thinkers can experience profound harmony. There is something more subtle about harmony than group think or sharing a system of beliefs. Harmony is the song that we sing when we celebrate our diversity and the pitch we find is the sweet sound of unity in diversity.

Harmony is an experience that grows much like diversity. There is some pleasure in hearing the same note an octave apart. This was the ancient Greek notion of harmony. This is like the achievement of having Baptists and Presbyterians in the same room, or men and women singing the same note octaves apart. It is the most basic diversity. But there is a much deeper harmony. It was discovered in monasteries in the 9th century, the contemplative beauty of tones five notes apart. This is like the achievement of having Catholics and Protestants in the same room, or Republicans and Democrats finding common ground. There is a harmony even deeper still. The major third, by the twelfth century, sounded the tone of what we now think of as harmony. This is shalom. It is unity with depth, like people of all religions and no religion coming together and working on shared universal values.

Bach took harmony to new levels of subtlety. He said this about his music:

“In the architecture of my music I want to demonstrate to the world the architecture of a new and beautiful social commonwealth. The secret of my harmony? Each instrument in counterpoint, and as many contrapuntal parts as there are instruments. It is the enlightened self-discipline of the various parts, each voluntarily imposing on itself the limits of its individual freedom for the well-being of the community. That is my message. Not the autocracy of a single stubborn melody on the one hand, nor the anarchy of unchecked noise on the other. No, a delicate balance between the two; an enlightened freedom. The science of my art. The art of my science. The harmony of the stars in the heavens, the yearning for brotherhood in the heart of man. This is the secret of my music.” – Johann Sebastian Bach

As Radar from the TV show M*A*S*H would say when trying to impress a woman on a date, “Ah, Bach.” He has captured the essence of harmony in community. Ah Bach! Enlightened freedom. Mature freedom. The delicate balance of freedom and responsibility to the whole.

Nature herself offers the pattern of community membership in her delicate harmonic resonance. Do you know the sound that comes out of a black hole? B flat. 57 octaves below middle C; so, human ears can’t hear it. It is the same frequency that occurs when lightning strikes water. It is the sound of creativity.

In the beginning was the word, or to say that another way, in the beginning was sound. If anyone had been present to hear the Big Bang, would it have struck a chord? Yes. I believe it would have been a minor 6th in B Flat like the opening music for the classic film Love Story. Resonant harmony is all about relationships! Even the heavens declare the glory of God in harmonic tones, as the Psalmist said. Your life, all of nature, human community; they all have their own divine harmony.

Praise and gratitude are one expression of creation’s harmony. Listen to this amazing recording of crickets. Crickets have a short life span, so if you slow down the life span of a cricket to that of a human, the recording sounds like an incredible choral symphony. There is no instrumentation added to this recording.

All of creation makes the sound of praise and gratitude. Harmony also depends on some tension, or counter point. Life is full of syncopated rhythms, surprising you and filling you with wonder and awe at the constantly evolving serendipity and second chances that open up all around you.

Everything in the cosmos has its own sound, even if we can’t hear it. Our human hearing puts us in the middle. The sound coming from the planets is too low for us to hear. It is cosmic bass. The sound of the atom is too high for us to hear. It is cosmic treble. We are musically midway between the macro world of the universe as a whole, and the micro world of the atom.

Maybe this is part of an answer to asking for directions, seeking and being a help to others in community. We are part of a whole that is so much bigger than the parts, and yet life is experienced one atom at a time. Sweet harmony happens when one guides another to a resonant pitch.

A thriving community will share so many of the wondrous qualities of harmonic resonance:

1. Praise and gratitude

2. Improvisation

3. Surprise

4. Unity in diversity

Your Place in Sweet Harmony

All musical theory aside, here is the bottom line. You participate in human community to find your voice and to help others to do the same. In the words of Mary Oliver, “. . . there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world.”

The world needs you to sing your own note to create the sweet harmony of community. If you aren’t present and engaged in community, it’s like a note on a piano being ripped out or a string torn from a violin.

Maybe you feel, like me, that you don’t have much to offer the community musically. I’m not a hugely musical person. When I was a kid in church, I always thought that Agnus Dei was the name of the old choir director. When the bulletin said refrain, I thought that meant “don’t sing.”

For those in West Michigan, check out this amazing opportunity to sing in community on October 24.

We all bring our unique notes. What is your note? Let me end with a story about musical participation.

A simple, uneducated Jew with no great religious learning was invited to a Sabbath meal. The Rabbi presented a brilliant sermon on the Torah portion of the week. “I don’t understand,” exclaimed the guest, with a puzzled expression on his face. One of the elders then told a story, a wondrous miracle-story. “I still don’t understand,” whispered the guest, tears beginning to form in his eyes. After a while the group began to sing a tune of joy and of love, a song of shalom, a Sabbath harmony. Slowly, the visitor began to sing along, to move his fingers to the rhythm of the music, to join hands with his friends as they rose together to dance. With tears in his eyes and a heart wide opened, he said, “Now I understand.”

Music touches and connects us beyond word, beyond concept, and beyond religious belief. It is the sweet harmony that unites people across all manner of difference, to find the common heart that beats for peace. May you find your voice, grow and thrive, and help others to do the same.

For Further Reflection (Questions that can be used privately or in groups) -

1. Why do you think it’s so hard for some people to ask for help?

2. How does community enhance your spiritual life?

3. When do you experience harmony; both within and in relationship with others?

4. What does music teach you about spiritual growth?

Holy Ground

Excerpted from Life Beyond Religion- Fountain Street Church September 23, 2009 by Ian Lawton



My previous church was St. Matthew in the City, a downtown city church in Auckland, New Zealand. It was a beautiful and historic building, known as a center for radical activism. During the South African Rugby tour of New Zealand in 1981, St. Matthews became the base for organizing protests against the tour because of the racist apartheid policies in South Africa. The tour went ahead, but protestors stormed the playing field and dropped flour bombs from light airplanes. Fifteen years later, Nelson Mandela stood in the pulpit of St. Mathew in the City as a way of thanking the people of New Zealand for helping to end apartheid. The pulpit of St. Matthews became a symbol of freedom, equality and justice.

I never took the privilege of sharing a pulpit with Nelson Mandela lightly. As I climbed the stairs of the pulpit to deliver my sermons, Nelson was with me every step.

As I climb the stairs into another famous pulpit, Dr. Duncan Littlefair is also with me. Duncan filled this pulpit of Fountain Street Church with his life’s passion: rigorous self responsibility, honest inquiry, awesome wonder and a deep respect for life, nature and humanity. I’m humbled and grateful for the honor of standing in this prominent pulpit to share my life’s passion: deep and inspired spirituality freed from the limiting and otherworldly baggage of religion.

In 1999, Archbishop Desmond Tutu gave a speech (National Press Club October 6, 1999) where he reflected on the courage of those who had testified before the Truth and Reconciliation Commission in South Africa. Many of them had been treated grievously. They had every right to be angry and seek revenge. Instead, they came and told their stories. Archbishop Tutu said in this speech that he had so much respect for their courage and humanity that he wanted to take off his shoes. It was as if, he said, “he was standing on holy ground.”

As a symbol of my respect for Duncan Littlefair, I remove my shoes. Tonight I am standing on holy ground. It’s not holy because it’s in a church. You could say it’s holy in spite of being in a church. It’s not holy because it is high and ornate. You could say it’s holy in spite of its height. It’s holy because he dedicated this space to speaking for those who had no voice within mainstream religion. These people have a right to feel angry and let down by religion. My passion is to offer a place for people to heal from the hurts of religion and move forward in a healthy manner.

I remove my shoes in honor of the growing number of people around the world who call themselves spiritual but not religious. You are my people. We share an incredible vision for universal love and healing in the world. It’s a new movement, still finding its voice. I intend
to play my part to ensure that this voice is heard, and what better place to launch this vision than on this holy ground, right here and right now.

SBNR.org stands on holy ground as it is dedicated to speaking to and for those who have no voice within organized religion and who prefer to find their spiritual path outside of mainstream religion. Watch this space for more excerpts from the historic Fountain Street Church talk and other SBNR resources.

Liberating the Energy

Great Radiance! Big Bang! Holy Mystery! A wondrous web of cosmic alchemy swirls within and around you. Above you are stars - hydrogen cocktails fusing into helium. At the right time, the energy of the star is liberated. It explodes with an “out of this world” fireworks display, showering the galaxy with a smorgasbord of dust. The star dust has all the stuff of life within it; poised for possibility, pregnant with YOU.

In your body are 50 trillion cells. Each cell includes a chorus line of protein acids. Dancing protein move thousands of times every second, in a waltz between nature and nurture, DNA and environment. Who could say who is leading whom in this dance called life? Is it nature or nurture? Is it the cells you inherit or the company you keep? Every breath, every step, every word, every thought and every action manifests cellular alchemy; a God-breathed miracle.


Your body is 70% water, about the same proportion of water as exists in the universe. The atoms of hydrogen within water connect you with the Big Bang 13 billion years ago. Don’t you see – YOU are a 13 billion year old bundle of evolving energy. This ancient hydrogen in your body has been liberated to become oxygen, the breath of life becoming more alive in each moment.

Religions attempt to place people in the context of a larger story or tradition. For Christia, it is the Hebrew campfire creation stories. They were attempts to answer questions of life and death, and inspire courage in uncertain times. Gods and spirits were bridges to an unknown future. This has worked well for many people over many centuries. However in this age of globalization, many people are looking for a story that has more scientific integrity and places human life in a much larger context.

Evolution offers this universal context. There is no larger story than the evolution of the universe. The Big Bang is your creator. The stars are your ancestors. The story of the universe is every person’s story. All people and all things are part of your spiritual family. The evolutionary story also offers inspiration to be courageous in uncertain times by remaining open to an unknown future.

Maybe the greatest miracle of all is the emergence of new beginnings out of death. Another way to describe the death of a star is to say that it has run out of fuel. Maybe you have times in your life when you feel like you have run out of fuel. The miracle of fusion is that it is really not a death at all. Fusion is a new beginning, the emergence of fresh opportunities. Next time you feel that you have run out of fuel; consider the new opportunities opening up before you, like an exploding star.

Next time you look at the night sky, feel your body and know that you are the liberated energy of star dust. It may bring you to your knees in humility at the potential for life that you carry in your body. Every one of those sparks of light is a reminder of the miracle of fusion.

Fusion

What is fusion? Fusion takes place naturally within stars. Under extreme heat and pressure, hydrogen nuclei combine to form helium atoms, releasing enormous amounts of energy. This fusion is well known to us in the form of light and warmth from the sun. We take it for granted, and yet it is our life force. Many people have wondered if it’s possible to harness this natural fusion to create sustainable energy. It turns out that a process that comes naturally to the sun is not so easy to reproduce in a lab.

Nuclear fusion is like the bright teenage star with enormous potential that just can’t seem to find his place in the world. Scientists often say it’s thirty years away; and always will be. It has the potential to solve the energy crisis by mimicking the wise patterns of nature. To date it has eluded scientists, but there is renewed enthusiasm.

corn1There is a light hearted story about a physicist who tried many times to create cold fusion in the lab. In his latest effort, he used molecules from corn to trigger the process. The Nobel Prize committee considered his results but dismissed them, saying he had only created a ball of corn fusion.

I apologize. That was very corny. But there’s nothing corny about the energetic power of fusion.

Another form of fusion that uses sound is sonofusion. Sound waves fuse with liquid to create tiny bubbles. The bubbles expand and then collapse to generate a flash of light and enormous heat. The energy of fusion is something you have experienced many times in your life. Every time, you fuse the right combination of music, voice and movement together, you liberate energy. It runs through your body, mysteriously inspiring you, moving you, liberating you. Every time you are in the presence of someone who makes your heart skip a beat, you know the fusion of shared love. Every time you are lost in the immensity of nature, you feel an affinity with the earth.

Did you know that if you put two pianos next to each other and you play the middle C on one of the pianos, the middle C on the other piano vibrates? It resonates with the middle C on the first piano. There is a fusion of resonant energy.

Why Fusion is Powerful

The way you live makes a difference to those around you. When your speech builds people up rather than tearing them down, when your actions come from a place of loving kindness, you create energy around you and it becomes contagious. It inspires that same positive speech and loving kindness in others. It strikes a cord like two pianos sitting along side of each other.

I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of the crazy talk going on in this country about health care. It just gets curiouser and curiouser. There is so much misplaced hatred, and such a lack of kindness. How can we counteract the craziness without being condescending to those who hold different opinions on issues such as health care?

Consider that every thought that you have is a wave. Some scientists would say that if you add waves together, the result is the square of the sum of the waves. Therefore, two waves together are four times more powerful than one. Ten waves together are one hundred times more powerful than one. And on and on we could go.

If our thoughts are that powerful, just imagine the effect of loving, kind actions toward those around you. The fusion of loving and kind thoughts is similar to the benefits of nuclear fusion. Loving thoughts produce a huge amount of healing energy without any toxic waste. It is a clean energy, and it is long lasting. The raw materials required for fusion, water and silicon for nuclear fusion, are in abundant supply in the world. So it is with the raw materials required for a fusion of global love. All it requires is humility, and awareness.

Liberating Community Energy

Now relate this idea of energy fusion to spiritual community. Einstein’s famous equation E=MC2 is often cited to show that energy and mass are two different manifestations of the same thing. If you speed up mass it becomes energy, and if you slow down energy it becomes mass. Here is a new equation for community.

E=MC3. The E is for energy. M is for member. The energy of C3 is the combined good will of its members which of course is greater than the sum of its parts. When I say members, don’t imagine that I am talking about people who have signed up for some particular beliefs. Being a member at C3 has little to do with beliefs. Being a member at C3 is about saying yes to the shared values of this diverse community. Being a member at C3 is about committing to making the world a better place by liberating the combined energy of the community.

When two or three are gathered, fusion happens; energy is liberated and there is no limit to what can be achieved. The fusion of community, bringing together all the parts to make a powerful whole, liberates energy in an explosion of love.

As 19th century visionary Teilhard de Chardin said,

“Someday, after mastering winds, waves, tides and gravity, we shall harness the energy of love; and for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.”

What is on your Bucket List?

What could be more important than being part of a community that is a fusion of energies spreading love in the world? Put it on your bucket list. Have you seen the recent movie Bucket List with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman? Two older men set out to achieve life long dreams before they run out of time.

sky1I ticked something off my list yesterday. I have always wanted to complete something with the word “marathon” in it. It happened yesterday. There was a lot of laughter when I arrived at the starting line for a half marathon. It was certainly a new experience for me. When I came to the first water station, there were people holding out cups. Some of them were calling out “water” and others were calling out what I thought was “heat”. I couldn’t understand why anyone would want to drink hot water during a race. It reminded me of the Seinfeld Episode where Kramer is drinking hot coffee at a marathon race. He is holding it out in front of his body, and a runner grabs it thinking its cold water. The scene ends with the loud screams of the runner. Anyway, it turns out that yesterday they were offering an energy drink called “heed” and not hot water.

The point of the movie is that it’s not so much the activities on your bucket list that give you satisfaction. It’s what the activities teach you about yourself. True fulfillment comes in making peace within yourself, making a difference in the world, and tending to your closest relationships.

The run was a wonderful opportunity for me to stay in the moment and take just one step at a time, one mile at a time. It was a battle of the mind to not get ahead of myself and to break the run down into manageable chunks.

So what’s on your bucket list? Fill your bucket list with things that make a difference. Choose to make your life count for something incredible. Maximize your efforts by fusing your acts of kindness with the kindness of others in community.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by how many moments take your breath away.

Jorge Luis Borges envisioned a life lived in the moment, with his poem Moments-

If I could live again my life,

In the next - I’ll try to make more mistakes,

I won’t try to be so perfect,

I’ll be more relaxed, I’ll be more full than I am now,

In fact, I’ll take fewer things seriously,

I’ll be less hygienic,

I’ll take more risks,

I’ll take more trips,

I’ll watch more sunsets,

I’ll climb more mountains,

I’ll swim more rivers,

I’ll go to more places - I’ve never been,

I’ll eat more ice creams and less lima beans,

I’ll have more real problems - and less imaginary ones,

I was one of those people who live

prudent and prolific lives -

each minute of his life,

Of course I had moments of joy - but,

if I could go back I’ll try to have only good moments,

If you don’t know - that’s what life is made of,

Don’t lose the now!

I was one of those who never goes anywhere

without a thermometer,

without a hot-water bottle,

and without an umbrella and without a parachute,

If I could live again - I will travel light,

If I could live again - I’ll try to work bare feet

at the beginning of spring till

the end of autumn,

I’ll ride more carts,

I’ll watch more sunrises and play with more children,

If I have the life to live - but now I am 85,

- and I know that I am dying …

For Further Reflection (Questions that can be used privately or in groups)

1. How do you understand the balance between history and myth in relation to Genesis and other creation stories?

2. How do you integrate the evolutionary story with religious creation mythology?

3. How does evolution help to shape the way you understand God, and life and death questions?

4. What lessons does evolution teach you about uncertainty and living with awe and wonder?

Coming Home to Spiritual Community

A dog had gone missing for a couple of days. Before he was eventually found, his owner posted a sign on every tree and telephone pole she could find within 20 miles of her back yard,


The sign said:

Help… Lost Dog.

He’s a mixed breed, kind of smallish. He has oversized paws, a long body, a stomach that almost drags on the ground at times, a large nose and big floppy ears that he tends to trip over now and again.

He has a large red scratch on the left side of his nose where he recently did battle with the neighbor’s cat. (The cat won.)

We need to find him because he is blind in one eye. He has a noticeable bald spot on his tail from when the German Shepherd down the street bit him. The edge of his right ear is a little ragged and chewed; another permanent souvenir from yet another battle with another neighborhood dog, a terrier that time I believe.

There is also a big red scar about two inches long between his eyes from when he was hit by a car.

If you find him please call us and we will come immediately to pick him up.

Oh, and finally, he answers to the name. . . Lucky.

Tuned to Home

Lucky! Or, is it lucky? Is the survival instinct of an animal luck, or an ingrained intuition? Is the ability of animals to find home when they are lost a matter or luck or some finely tuned inner radar?

There are some amazing stories of animal homecomings.

In the 1950’s a cat traveled 2500 miles from Florida to California. Her family moved to California and left her behind in Florida. It took her over 2 years, but disheveled and weary, she eventually arrived at a home she had never seen before. Can you imagine the determination? How do they do that? Maybe animals sense the subtle energies that connect us more acutely than humans.

Then there is the clownfish. Remember Nemo? After clownfish hatch from their eggs, they spend 10 to 12 days in the open sea, carried out by currents. But they often miraculously find their way back to the reefs where they were born. It turns out the colorful fish are not fools. They sniff for leaves that fall into the sea from rainforests near their coral reef homes. The lure of home fills their senses.

Crocodiles in Australia were moved away from their homes as part of an experiment. They were then tracked as they traveled 400 kilometers in 20 days to arrive home. How do they do that? Were they following the sun with some sort of crocodile compass, or do they have some geographic memory built into their DNA? Maybe they followed the trail of unsuspecting tourists they had devoured along the river. However they did it, home was calling, and they were determined to come home.

There are many theories explaining the incredible ability of animals to come home. No matter how you explain it, animals seem to be deeply in touch with home. Maybe home is where they feel most fully alive and safe. They are at one with their senses and a deep intuition, and they know that home is the place they are connected. Is it the same for humans?

People Coming Home

hhWe have our own connections to home. I heard a great homecoming story about a soldier stationed in Korea. While in Korea he had asked his wife in the States to send him a harmonica to occupy his free time and keep his mind off of the local women. The wife sent the best one she could find, along with several dozen music books.

Eventually, he finished his tour and was sent home. When he arrived home, he rushed through the front door. “Oh darling” he gushed, “Come here . . . let me look at you . . . let me hold you! I’ve missed you so much! You are the one and only woman in my life.”

The wife, keeping her distance, said, “Good to have you home. Now before we go any further, prove your love for me and play that harmonica.”

Home is a place where the full range of human experience is played out. During the week, I was honored to preside at a wedding on Spring Lake. Four generations gathered in the family cottage; ranging from a little two year old miracle to a sharp eighty-six year old matriarch. The family shared stories about summers spent at the cottage, quirky houseguests and family reunions.

Eventually conversation turned to the tragic lake accident that had taken place within view of the cottage a week earlier. Voices softened as we mourned the loss of a teenager, taken before his time, and we wondered about many lives in disarray. Gathered together in this family home, we tried to make sense of the loss and encouraged each other to live more fully and compassionately.

We were connected to each other. Two year old was connected to eighty-six year old. They were bookends on a family story that was packed full of all the stuff of life. In joy, we were connected to the newlyweds. In sorrow we were connected to the families affected by the tragedy. By story, we were connected to the many people who had lived and loved in the family cottage. In the face of such joy and such sorrow, all the differences just fade into the background. We are all spiritual people on our own human journeys.

Being at Home With Growth

When you feel at home, you don’t need to have all the answers. You feel safe to ask the questions, even if the questions make you a heretic.

As T. S. Eliot said:

“We shall not cease from exploration 

And the end of all our exploring 

Will be to arrive where we started

And know the place for the first time.”

Comedian Ellen DeGeneres once said, “I was coming home from kindergarten- well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. It’s good for a kid to know how to make gloves.”

The journey home is sometimes a surprising one; and one where you are allowed to change directions and make mistakes. There is a great story about the time when the famous preacher, Ralph Waldo Emerson, was giving a sermon. He was in the middle of the sermon when he suddenly paused and said, “I no longer believe the previous statement.” When you are at home, you are free to change your mind and know that people may roll their eyes, but they will still accept you.

When you feel at home, you are safe to question old beliefs; and stop believing them if they no longer make sense to you. You are free to rid yourself of assumptions and prejudices that are stale reminders of another time. When you feel at home, you are courageous and free.

When you feel at home, you are free to grow and change and make mistakes; and learn and heal and do it in your own time; and know that others will stand with you through your craziest moments. We may roll our eyes, but we love you anyway.

Home Where All Are Welcome

Who is welcome in a spiritual home? Everyone! What happens in a spiritual home? There is a beautiful Jewish story about a person who comes to a rabbi and says, “Tell me about Heaven and Hell.” And the rabbi says, “I’ll show you.”

So the rabbi takes him to a home and says, “This is Hell.” In the home were a group of people who were hungry and miserable. They were sitting at a large table with a huge pot of stew on it, and they were holding large spoons. As he looked closer, he realized that the handles on their spoons were so long that they couldn’t get them into their mouths.

The person says, “Now show me Heaven.” So the rabbi takes him to another home and again there are many people around the table, and a great pot of stew in the center of the table. Again the people have very long spoons, but these people are joyful, blissful, and satisfied. As he looks closer, he sees that in this home they are feeding each other. That’s all they can do with their long spoons. What do we do in spiritual community? We feed each other! We practice being human together.

In the post exilic Hebrew world, they looked for euphemisms to avoid using the name of God. One of the euphemisms they used was heaven. It was a practice that carried into the New Testament world, which is why the New Testament alternates between describing the ideal home as the kingdom of God and the kingdom of heaven. Heaven was another name for the presence of God.

When do you experience the presence of God? You experience God WITHIN when you are at home with how you are showing up in the world. You experience God BETWEEN when the differences between you and others fade away and you become one. You experience God BEYOND when you find your way home like a lost dog; and you can’t even explain how you know, but you know that you have arrived home.

Coming Home to Your Center for Spiritual Growth

Do you feel at home in this spiritual community? How did that happen? How did you find your way home? Did you take the route via another religion or denomination? Did you arrive looking disheveled and weary like the long lost cat?

This spiritual community is a family cottage where you are fed and you feed others. In this family cottage, two year old miracles feed eighty-six year old matriarchs, believers feed atheists, Christians feed Muslims, straight people feed gay people, and vice versa.

If you resonate with the vision of home that is inclusive and welcome, then you have come home. Take off your shoes and relax. Pull up a pew and make yourself at home. You have come home to your spiritual community. What a relief!

You can be yourself and allow others to be themselves. You have grown and healed from being here. Now stand alongside others as they grow and heal.

I leave you with the words of the mystic Rumi-

Come, come, whoever you are
Wonderer, worshipper, lover of leaving.
It doesn’t matter.
Ours is not a caravan of despair.

Come, even if you have broken your vow a thousand times

Come, yet again, come, come.

Creatures are our Teachers

On the first day, God created the dog and said: “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.”

The dog said: “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?” So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said: “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.”

The monkey said: “Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?” And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:”You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty Years.”

The cow said: “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?” And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said: “Eat, sleep, play, and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.”

But man said: “Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?”

“Okay,” said God, “You asked for it.”

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone who passes.

Life has now been explained to you. And it all began with a dog.

Animals turn up as companions in the earliest records of most cultures. 20,000-year-old Cro-Magnon cave wall paintings portray the close relationship between people and animals. Many ancient creation myths even include dogs. One of the Chinese creation stories (the Pan Gu story) depicts the ancestor of all humanity with a man’s body and a dog’s head. Then there are the controversial creation myths around the hot dog, not originating at a New York Yankees Baseball game in 1901, but more likely to Frankfurter in Germany in the 15th century. I’m sure you know the story about the Zen master who walks up to the hot dog vendor and says: “Make me one with everything.” He then pays with a $20 bill and receives no change. “Where’s my change?” asks the Zen master. And the hot dog vendor responds: “Change is an illusion. The only true change comes from within.”

Animals have always been closely related to spirituality. For primordial people, there was a close relationship between gods and their animal companions. Animals have often been linked to supernatural forces, shamans, totems, and even worshipped as agents of gods and goddesses. Animals, such as the cow in India, have been seen as a sign that God provides, and are revered accordingly. In the Bible, Balaam’s donkey spoke words from God, inspiring Mr. Ed many centuries later. Do animals teach us something about life and universal values?

Laws of Nature

The sacred Jewish text Talmud says we can learn a lot from animals. In fact it goes so far as to say that if there had been no Torah, animals would teach us everything we need to know to live the law of God. It says, “If the Torah had not been given, we would have learned modesty from the cat, avoidance of theft from the ant, marital fidelity from the dove, and good manners in marital relations from the rooster who appeases his mate before having relations with her.”

The Jewish ethical text Pirkei Avot says, “Be bold as a leopard, light as an eagle, swift as a deer, and strong as a lion to carry out the will of your Father in Heaven.” (Pirkei Avot 5:23)

Animals model many wonderful traits that humans could follow for a content and harmonious life.

Maybe the most inspiring, and challenging, Bible text about animals is from Isaiah 11:


“The wolf shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the young goat, and the calf and the lion and the fattened calf together; and a little child shall lead them. The cow and the bear shall graze; their young shall lie down together; and the lion shall eat straw like the ox. The nursing child shall play over the hole of the cobra, and the weaned child shall put his hand on the adder’s den. They shall not hurt or destroy in all my holy mountain; for the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the LORD as the waters cover the sea.”

The wolf and the lamb dwelling together is a vision of what the world could experience; people coming together, and celebrating differences; a world where it’s more important to treat people right than to be right. Of course it’s a metaphor used to describe such an immense vision. As Woody Allen said, “The wolf may lie down with the lamb. But the lamb won’t get much sleep.” Then there is the definition of democracy, “three wolves and a lamb meeting to decide what’s for lunch.”


A man was visiting the zoo, walking from cage to cage, when he came to one with a painted sign: “Witness a Messianic Prophecy! The wolf and the lamb lie together!” The man looked into the cage and was awestruck. Indeed, a wolf and a lamb were dozing there, next to each other. Excitedly, and with tears in his eyes, the man ran up to the zookeeper and said, “This is wonderful! It is truly a miracle! Please tell me, how did this happen?” The zookeeper shrugged, and said, “All I know is the boss’s orders: ‘Three times a day, put a new lamb in the cage.’”

So if the wolf and the lamb is metaphor, what is the metaphor pointing to? In order for the vision of global peace to become a reality, we must take the advice of the hot dog vendor and realize that change comes from within. Allow the wolf and the lamb to dwell peacefully within you. Allow the seemingly contradictory parts of yourself to dwell side by side; the urge to reach out and the tendency to protect, the optimism and the pessimism, the activism and the receptiveness, the independence and the drive to relationship.

The lamb is soft and gentle. It likes to follow a leader, and wander without any particular purpose. The lamb listens, reserves its energy and has no guile or vengeance. The dark side of the lamb is its passiveness, or being sheepish and ashamed. When balanced with the guile and activism of the wolf, the lamb is complete.

The wolf is relational, and inquisitive. It is deeply intuitive, intensely protective of its young, its mate and its pack. The dark side of the wolf is its savage aggression. When balanced with the idealism and receptiveness of the lamb, the wolf is complete. Clarissa Pinkola Estes wrote the book Women Who Run With the Wolves. She tells the story of La Loba, the wolf woman. Her work was collecting bones of wolves and singing life into them. The story is about the adventure of integrating the wild parts of yourself that you have disowned, especially women who have had their voice silenced, their soul-voice.

This lesson from animals goes beyond words. Conservationist Lois Crisler described one of her Alaskan experiences communicating with animals. There were no words involved. One morning she heard the howl of a wolf from her tent. She stepped outside her tent and impulsively howled back. She was then answered by a choir of wolves, yodeling in harmonies. She said this:

“The wild deep medley of chords, the absence of treble, made a strange, savage, heart-stirring uproar.” Have you heard the roar of nature? It doesn’t just happen in Alaska. It happens as you stroke a dog, or listen to the lake. It connects you to the wild nature within you? Animals remind you of the immense possibilities within you to be powerful and gentle at the same time.”

The great vision of Isaiah is one of inner harmony that becomes peace outside in the world.

Animals and Presence

Animals remind you to experience life fully, directly and immediately. Pause and wonder at the miracles that surround you. Don’t you long to express yourself with the abandon of a young kitten, or the playfulness of a monkey, or the loyalty of a dog? Animals teach you about love; the love of life, and how an experience of the moment can recharge you and reset your spiritual direction.

Animals teach you something about presence. Once a man visited a famous holy elder. When the visitor arrived he found the man in prayer. He sat so still that not even a hair on his head moved. When the holy man had finished his prayer his visitor asked where he had learned to sit so still for so long: “From my cat.” he replied.

During the week, I read about and saw pictures of a Buddhist monk in Japan who meditates with his Chihuahua dog. The dog sits on its hind legs and puts its front paws together. They sit in meditation together each morning.

I don’t know if the dog is actually meditating, but who am I to question a Chihuahua. You can learn from even the most irreverent dog about the practice of presence.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride. Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy. When loved ones come home, always run to greet them. When it’s in your best interest, practice obedience. Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory. Take naps and stretch before rising. Run, romp and play daily. Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Be loyal.

Never pretend to be something you’re not. If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it. When someone is having a bad day; be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently. Thrive on attention and let people touch you. Avoid biting when a simple growl will do. On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree. When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body. No matter how often you’re scolded, don’t buy into the guilt thing and pout . . . run right back and make friends. Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Animals and the Afterlife

I don’t imagine that animals trouble themselves with thoughts about the future, let alone the afterlife. But it is a human preoccupation to ponder animals and heaven. So here is my perspective. Some of you will have seen an e-mail that has been doing the rounds. It is apparently a true story about two churches across the street from each other, a Catholic church and a Presbyterian church. They each have a sign board out front of the church and often use some friendly rivalry to make their point. This is part of their recent sign warfare:

Catholic sign: “All dogs go to heaven.”
Presbyterian sign: “Only humans go to heaven. Read the Bible.”
Catholic sign: “God loves all his creation; dogs included.”
Presbyterian sign: “Dogs don’t have souls. End of conversation.”
Catholic sign: “Catholic dogs go to heaven. Presbyterian dogs should talk to their pastor.”
Presbyterian sign: “Converting to Catholicism does not magically grant your dog a soul.”
Catholic sign: “Free dog souls with conversion.”
Presbyterian sign: “Dogs are animals. There aren’t rocks in heaven either.”
Catholic sign: “All rocks go to heaven.”

All of this goes to show that Catholics have a much better sense of humor than Presbyterians.

The Bible seems to suggest that animals do go to heaven, if you read the Bible in a literal way.

The writer of Ecclesiastes said:

I said in my heart with regard to human beings that God is testing them to show that they are but animals. For the fate of humans and the fate of animals is the same; as one dies, so dies the other. They all have the same breath, and humans have no advantage over the animals; for all is vanity. All go to one place; all are from the dust, and all turn to dust again. Who knows whether the human spirit goes upwards and the spirit of animals goes downwards to the earth? (Ecclesiastes 3:18-21)

I guess the point is that humans are animals, so whatever happens to animals after this life happens to both humans and non-human animals.

No one can say for sure what happens in the afterlife. Being fully present in this life is what you know for sure. If heaven is an experience of pure presence in the moment, then you could definitely say that animals are in heaven.

Living with love and compassion in this life is what counts; and that includes love and compassion for animals. Animals challenge us to stretch beyond our own species to include those who are not like us. Animals have their own value beyond any human use or need. They deserve our care and respect.

I end with this poem by Joseph Bruchac called Grampa-

The old man must have stopped our car

two dozen times to climb out

and gather into his hands the small toads blinded

by our lights and leaping, live drops of rain.

The rain was falling, a mist about his white hair

and I kept saying you can’t save them all,

accept it, get back in we’ve got places to go.

But leathery hands full of wet brown life,

knee deep in the summer roadside grass,

he just smiled and said

they have places to go to too.

Baptizing the Sons and Daughters of Life

“Your children are not your children. They are the sons and the daughters of life longing for itself. They come through you, but come not from you. Though they are with you they belong not to you.” Gibran

Next time your kid is having a tantrum in a busy store, turn to the people around you and say, “He’s not mine. He doesn’t belong to me. He’s the son of life. If you’ve got a problem, take it up with life.” Today we celebrate all sons and daughters of life.

As a parent, I sometimes wonder if I am learning anything. After three kids, you’d think I might have learned something. As Phyllis Diller said, “We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.” Parenting changes with each child. For example:

Preparing for the Birth -
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don’t bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn’t do a thing.
3rd baby: You start the epidural 4 weeks before the due date.

Going Out -
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home -
1st baby: You spend part of every day just gazing at your baby.
2nd baby: You spend part of every day watching to be sure your older child isn’t squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend part of every day hiding from all three children.

In all seriousness, being a parent to my three children is one of the great joys of my life. Watching each of them grow into their own divine becoming is a privilege and a joy. They teach me and inspire me in so many ways. My kids are one of the ways that God remains anonymous in the world. I learn something about divine love.

Baptism- Keeping Life in Perspective

Baptism is a beautiful practice. It is a reminder to keep life in perspective. When you hold a baby, life’s worries just melt away. It can all wait. When your child is sick or in pain it breaks your heart and you would give up all that you own, and all that you ever worked for, to take their pain away. Dave Barry once said, “If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there are men on base.”

The baptism ceremony is a reminder to all of us, kids or no kids, that human life is held in the tender embrace of a village which in turn is intimately related to a universal life force. Many cultures have unique practices to celebrate baptism. One of my favorites is from the African Mandinka tribe in Gambia. Alex Haley brought many of their beautiful practices and legends to life in his famous novel Roots. The Mandinka people treasure children and use a naming ceremony to honor children. On the eighth day of life, a newborn is brought to the village center. The mother holds the child before the father who whispers the name in the baby’s ear three times. No one else knows the name at this time. The child is the first to hear their name, the first to know who they are. Then the father takes the child out beyond the village gates, holds the child high above his head and tells the child, “Behold, the only thing greater than yourself.”

In the context of Roots, this is particularly powerful. Children will face so many people and situations that will attempt to strip them of their identity; whether its racism or gender stereotyping or bullying. Baptism is a reminder to all of us that every child is precious and valuable and has a right to self expression.

Think of your own divine becoming as a young child to be named and nurtured. Baptism is a reminder to raise your divine essence and say to the sky, “Behold, the only thing greater than yourself.”

Your divine essence connects you to a life force that is beyond words, beyond any self limiting beliefs, beyond religious traditions, greater than any crisis. It is joyful. Rumi said, “When you live from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.” It is the self in community with all things. Behold, the only thing greater than you is you in community with all things.

Water and Baptism

I was sitting in church one day, watching a baptism from the front pew with my three kids. The minister was pouring water on the head of a tiny baby. My three year old son was quite taken by this, and I could see that something profound was brewing. With a puzzled look on his face, he turned to me and asked: “Dada, why is he brainwashing that baby?”

Well you could be forgiven for wondering. Baptism in a lot of churches seems a little like a brainwashing. Families have to jump through hoops, say that they believe in all sorts of unbelievable things and then agree that the baby will also believe them as soon as the baby is old enough to believe anything. Baptism was never meant to be about beliefs or being accepted into the club. It was intended to be a ceremony of inclusion, not exclusion. Baptism was a practice Christians borrowed from the Jewish tradition and from pagan water ceremonies.

One of the reasons baptism was introduced into Christianity was to expand the Jewish practice of circumcision to include girls and non Jews. It was only much later that some Christians started talking about ‘original sin’ and using baptism as a way to brainwash parents out of fear of what would happen to their children if they weren’t baptized.

We use water in baptism because water is a universal life force. Baptism is about inclusion. The ocean refuses no river, and nor should any church refuse any person for baptism. Baptism is not about what you need to believe or don’t believe. The ocean demands nothing of the river and simply merges with it at the right time. So it should be in baptism. Baptism is not about brainwashing. It is about washing away all that keeps you separate from God and all that is.

Water is a symbol of the flow of life. Each child is a mirror of nature. Water makes up over 70% of the human body, roughly the same percentage as water in the surface of the earth. The human cocktail of tissue and membrane, sweat and tears, mirrors nature’s recipe. Our blood even contains the same proportion of salt as the ocean. It is more than metaphor to say that we are one with the earth. Human life and nature are each other’s mirrors. Baptism water is a reminder that we are not separate from the flow of life, even if we convince ourselves at times that we are. So much of our anxiety about the recession, about the health of our kids, about the earth, comes from a false belief that we are separate. When despair grows in you, come back to the symbol of baptism, rest in the flow of water that doesn’t imagine future disasters but moves with grace and peace in the eternal present.

There is a Japanese story that makes the point well. The Japanese tea master Rikyu built a teahouse on the side of a hill overlooking the sea. Three guests arrived, expecting to see an amazing ocean panorama. When they arrived, they were disappointed to find that the view was completely blocked by trees. They stopped at the entrance to wash at the traditional water basin. They bent down to draw water with a bamboo ladle, when they noticed an opening in the trees that could only be seen from the stooped position. In the humble posture of the bow, with water flowing from ladle to hands, they were greeted by the most spectacular view of the ocean. In gratitude and humility, they celebrated the connection between the basin water and the ocean. They knew they were not separate. They bowed for several moments, lost in the wonder of the connection.

Water, Flow and Perspective

This connection is so easy to lose when you become anxious. We live in difficult times. The deep recession of the past months has challenged our priorities once again. When life is difficult, it’s so easy to lose perspective and allow your anxiety to delude you into living with separateness. The oceanic acceptance of your divine essence is so much deeper than the deepest recession, and the heaviest anxiety.

I understand that domestic abuse and shaken baby syndrome have risen as the recession deepened this year. Milwaukee had a 40% increase in homicides related to domestic violence in the first half of this year. Several hospitals around the country have reported that shaken baby cases have doubled this year compared to last year.


Parents certainly need to take responsibility for their actions. However part of the cause is our culture of separateness, where people feel so alone without the false comforts of financial security. If we had nurtured a culture that placed the highest priority on human relationships as a mirror of nature, then we might have avoided some of the anxiety that manifested as violence.

Baptism is a reminder that we are all connected.

Baptism is a reminder that all things change, and that even crises end. But your divine essence remains strong throughout.

Baptism is a reminder that the ocean refuses no river.

The little ones in your life are the rivers that are part of you, and if you know they are part of you, you could never harm them.

Water is Our Teacher

A physicist, biologist and chemist stood on the sand before the ocean. The physicist was awestruck. He wanted to measure the dynamics of the water so he walked straight out into the ocean and was never seen again. The biologist was fascinated by the life beneath the water. He walked out into the ocean to examine it and was never seen again. The chemist, meanwhile, stood on the beachfront with a pad and pencil. After a few minutes, he made a note on the pad that said: “physicists and biologists dissolve in water.”

Water is awesome, and has both life giving and life destroying powers. It flows with the tide. May you flow with life, and know that even the choppiest surf eventually subsides. The tide of your crises eventually goes out.

We use only small amounts of water at baptism. This is a reminder that human life is a ripple in a pond, a drop of water in a universal ocean. Every child, and the child within all, is a drop of humanity ensconced in an incredible ocean of divine love, moving freely and flowing with life.

Above you are the stars. Beneath you is the earth. Within and around you are the waters of life. Like the stars may your love be constant. Like the earth, may your life be grounded. Like the waters of life, may you know that you are never alone and are flowing in a beautiful stream of divine becoming. Namaste.

Healthy Conversations about Health Care

A violent samurai who was known for picking fights for no reason arrived at the door of a Zen monastery and asked to speak to the master. The Zen master, Ryokan, who was known for his creative teaching style came out to meet him. The samurai immediately shouted at the master, trying to provoke a fight, “You say that intelligence is more powerful than strength. Prove it. Explain to me the meaning of heaven and hell.”

Ryokan remained silent. “You see?” roared the samurai. “I could explain that very easily: to show what hell is, all I need to do is beat someone up. To show what heaven is, I just let a person go free after scaring him.”

The Zen master then replied, “I don’t argue with stupid people like you.”

This made the samurai’s blood boil. His mind was filled with anger and his face became red.
“Now, that is hell,” said Ryokan, smiling. “Allowing other people to unsettle you, and responding to anger with more anger.”
The master’s courage and insight shifted the samurai warrior, his mind relaxed and the red color left his face.
“And that is heaven,” added Ryokan, inviting him in. “Not reacting to silly provocations.”

Last week a woman went to a town hall meeting looking to pick a fight, carrying a picture of President Obama with a Hitler moustache and comparing health care reform with Nazi policies. The congressman replied by calling her names. He basically replied, “I don’t talk to stupid people like you.” Only he wasn’t involved in a teaching moment like the Zen master. He took the bait, bit the hook dangled by the protestor and became genuinely angry and impatient with the woman. Unlike the Zen story, this town hall conversation spiraled out of control. I was just as unimpressed with the congressman’s anger as I was with the woman’s offensive protest.

Fighting anger with anger doesn’t work; and what’s worse, it’s bad for your health. Some anger is appropriate and needs to be expressed. Many of the world’s gravest injustices have been changed by appropriate and creative expressions of mindful anger. However, when anger is expressed inappropriately and when aggression is unchecked, it damages the very systems that keep you healthy - like your immune system and your heart.

Anger that is mindless often manifests as aggression. In his book Taming the Tiger Within, Thich Nhat Hanh offers a way to be mindfully angry. He suggests that you see your anger as a child that needs to be taken care of. Notice when you’re feeling aggressive; take time out to care for that struggling emotion, and then return to the situation in a calmer state. This is more likely to manifest as appropriate anger.

Seek ways to shift the anger of others as the Zen master managed to do, and try not to buy into the cycle of aggression. I heard a great example of this. It’s apparently a true story! A woman was driving through traffic in Washington DC. She cut in front of a guy who had to brake sharply. He was seething with anger, cursing the woman and blowing his horn. When they got to the next red light, he pulled up close behind her and stopped his car. He got out and strode towards her car, still simmering with rage. The woman saw what was happening. She got out of her car with a huge smile on her face and walked up to the angry man with her arms outstretched. Right in the middle of the street; she gave him a huge bear hug, whispered an apology in his ear, kissed him on the cheek, got back in her car and drove off. The guy was left in the street: dumbfounded, confused and a little embarrassed - but no longer angry.

Last year, in the lead up to the presidential election, health care was discussed many times. Barack Obama seemed to be able to lead the conversation in such a way that all were respected and emotions were kept in check. He responded to hateful protestors with gentleness and compassion. Some of those he has assigned to lead the current conversations seem to lack his peace of mind. The overall conversation seems to be spiraling in unhealthy directions.

This is a body, mind and spirit challenge for all of us. Aggression is bad for the health of your body. It begins in the mind; filling your thoughts, and then spreading through your body, like poison, infecting your spirit. The antidote to aggression is mindfulness - and a calm spirit. Peace of mind is good for your health, and it’s good for the health of the nation. Rid your conversations of venom and fill your thoughts, words and deeds with gentleness and compassion.