Light in the Tunnel- Change Management

This post first appeared on my blog at Soulseeds, and is the first in a four part series. All four articles are on the Soulseeds blog.

I have whiplash from following news of the economy in recent weeks. One day I read an article titled, “The top 10 reasons the U.S. will not see a double dip recession”. On the same day I read another report titled, “The top 10 reasons a double dip recession has already begun.” So which is it? Everyone has an opinion, and everyone is so sure they have the truth. In order to keep a little perspective in the madness, here are 10 lighthearted ways to know that we are in a recession.

10. For his birthday last week, President Obama asked for cash gifts….in Canadian dollars.

9. Angelina Jolie and Madonna have begun adopting American babies.

8. You now receive pre-declined credit cards in the mail.

7. Paris Hilton has changed her name to Paris Holiday Inn.

6. When you order your MacDonald’s burger, the server asks “Can you afford fries with that?”

5. When the ATM declines your transaction, you don’t know if it’s because you or the bank have insufficient funds.

4. You take your sales clients for a round of miniature golf.

3. A picture is now only worth a hundred words.

2. Wall Street has been renamed- Wal-Mart Street.

1. The light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off because we can’t afford the electric bills.

The economy is not a laughing matter of course, and many people are feeling its devastating effects. I don’t mean to minimize the difficulties in any way. However a little fun can release some of the tension and offer a little perspective. When you get up each morning, as you eat your Credit Crunch for breakfast and before you watch the so- called news, remind yourself that economic change is in itself a gift. Every economy, strong and weak, creates new, and unforeseen, opportunities. Many jobs today were not even imagined 20 years ago. A recession is an awesome time to get innovative, bolster your resilience and believe in the power of change.

There IS light at the end of the tunnel (and it’s NOT a train). It’s an LED bulb, which incidentally is one product that is selling well this year. This in itself is a sign of optimism. People are making a change to their energy habits after all the focus on sustainability in recent years. Change is happening like it always does and we seem to be finally catching on. Go with change because the light is calling you to make empowered choices and live with optimism. The darkness of the tunnel; your personal shadows, blind spots and forbidden thoughts, are punctuated by glimmers of light. Embrace the time in the tunnel, whether it’s a recession, an illness or a loss. The light is there in the tunnel, waiting for you to see it.

Optimism is the light at the beginning, middle and end of the tunnel. No matter how dark it feels, stay focused on the light which flickers with a reminder of your strength and brilliance. When you stare at light, you still see it when you look away. It’s the same when you focus on your inner light. It colors everything you see with optimism. With optimism, it’s ALL light and no tunnel, just open space and possibility. Follow the light of your intuition and you will arrive at new and exciting opportunities.

Where do you look for optimism? There is an ancient Sufi story about the trickster Nasrudin who loses his keys. His friends find him on his hands and knees under a street lamp. They ask him, “What have you lost?” “My keys”, he says. After a while, one of his friends asks him if he is sure this is where he lost them. He says, “No. I dropped them over in the next street but the light is so much better here.”

As the Zen proverb says, “If you can’t find it where you’re standing, where do you expect to wander in search of it?”

The shimmering new realizations arrive where you are because they ARE you in some new form.

Rumi wrote about light,

The lamps are different.
But the Light is the same.
So many garish lamps in the dying brain's lamp shop, Forget about them.
Concentrate on essence, concentrate on Light.
In lucid bliss, calmly smoking off its own holy fire, The Light streams
toward you from all things, All people, all possible permutations of good,
evil, thought, passion.
The lamps are different,
But the Light is the same.
One matter, one energy, one Light, one Light-mind, Endlessly emanating all things.
One turning and burning diamond,
One, one, one.
Ground yourself, strip yourself down,
To blind loving silence.
Stay there, until you see
You are gazing at the Light
With its own ageless eyes.

Trust the opportunity of change. If we learn nothing else from the ebb and flow of economies, let it be a reminder of the inevitability and opportunity of change. It’s those who adapt best to change who thrive on the waves of life. It is those who are able to stay present to the loving silence of the moment who find the treasures of change.

In recent weeks I have been writing about change that is forced on us by external circumstances- grief, job loss, divorce, physical pain etc. In these situations you can’t change the circumstance; you can only change your attitude towards them. I turn my attention now to a different sort of change, change that you help to create. These are the opportunities that present themselves for you to get active and get involved. They might be changes to your lifestyle or health, they might be changes to your consumption or energy efficiency, or they might be changes to the way society functions. Whichever it is, similar principles apply. The goal is to live and express beauty, truth, justice and love in your own life, and intend those same virtues for the entire planet. When you do this, you transform the world with light from the inside out.

In the coming days I will outline a three point plan for how to be an agent of conscious change, or in other words how to effect change in the healthiest way possible. It’s the AAA plan for change management that involves

1. Awareness,

2. Acceptance and

3. Action.

There is an article on each step at Soulseeds.

Transforming Grief

This is the fourth part in a series on grief. Please visit my blog at Soulseeds for all four articles.

Having allowed all the full range of grief’s emotions to move you, mess with you, mould you and make you who you are today, you may feel ready to pull yourself out of the funk and move forward with a greater sense of peace. You will never be the same again. But that is true in every moment, with or without grief. The question is whether you have the courage to live with the disappointment of an imperfect experience. Anne Lamott sums it up brilliantly-

You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.

There will be cold days when your grief feels arthritic. There will be other, more limber days, when the spring in your step will surprise you. Dance with a limp, live with the pain and roll with the punches. What else can you do? Trust what the experience of millions has confirmed; that grief comes in waves and like a wave, grief does subside with time. When the wave of grief feels overwhelming, stay with it and remind yourself that “this too shall pass”. Fight the waves, and you will exhaust yourself. Go with them, and they will subside more quickly and you will become stronger with every passing wave. Nothing can be transformed until it is fully accepted.

This brings me to the fourth truth of grief. The first truth is to feel the pain and let it transform you. The second truth is that you are not alone, because you have a unique version of a universal experience. The third truth is that grief follows its own timetable and patterns. The fourth truth of grief is that it is ONE part of your life, and even if it feels all consuming at times, you are more than your grief.

E-motion- Energy in Motion

Grief, and all of its associated emotions, are energy in motion. They are always on the move. Grief is not one, unchanging thing. Grief turns on a dime. Stay alert to the alchemy of grief. Burned in the fire of sadness, strength is born. Elisabeth Kubler Ross offers a visual analogy for changing emotions. She says that grief emotions will come and go. When they knock at your door, let them in, and say “Oh. It’s you. Come on in.” Entertain them, get to know them, talk to them. Let them have the run of your house for a while. Maybe keep some space apart from them. Don’t set a space at the dinner table for them.

Transformation takes place when you realize that emotions come and go. You can witness them, talk to them, feel them. But there is a “you” that is doing the witnessing, talking and feeling. At your essence, you are more than any emotion and more than any experience. Emotions and experiences impact and mould you, but they don’t fully define you.

Grief usually visits as part of a group of changing emotions. Hurt, disappointment, sadness, regret and so much more. Emotional mastery is to know what emotion is what, where it is coming from, to be present to them all, but not get stuck in any one emotion.

Rumi’s Guest House captures it well-

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

The Time is Always Now

This is it. Do you hear it? The gentle sounds that fill the air, the aromas and energies that fill your senses. Inhale the moment. You are immersed in this moment like salt in an immense ocean; time and space dissolve into one taste of Now. If you are carrying heavy burdens and anxiety, pause and taste the moment. It demands nothing of you, but your presence. If you are troubled and lonely, taste the moment. It is your companion, full of peace and perfection.

Take the advice of Wendell Berry. “When despair for the world grows in you and you wake in the night at the least sound, in fear of what your life and your children’s lives may be, go and lie down where the wood drake rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds. Come into the peace of wild things that do not trouble their lives with forethought of grief. Come into the presence of still water and feel above you the day-blind stars waiting with their light. For a time, rest in the grace of the world.” You are free. You are safe.

Aldous Huxley described being present to the moment as part of the perennial philosophy, meaning that it is universal wisdom, emphasized in many traditions over many generations.

Jesus said, “Consider the lilies. They neither toil, nor spin….let tomorrow take care of itself.”

The Buddha described it like this- “Don’t chase after the past, don’t seek the future; The past is gone, the future hasn’t come. But see clearly on the spot the object which is now, while finding and living in a still, unmoving state of mind.”

Rabbi Hillel said, “If not now, when?”

Hopi Elders said, “This is the Hour and we are the ones we have been waiting for.”

Rumi, the great poet and teacher of Sufism, the mystical branch of Islam, said ‘past and future veil God from our sight; burn up both of them with fire.’

Mindfulness teacher, Jon Kabat Zinn said, “Wherever you go, there you are.”
And of course, Kermit the Frog offered his timeless wisdom, “Times fun when you’re having flies.”

The past is nothing but memory, often intruding in your life like an unwelcome guest at midnight. The future is nothing but projection, often casting a shadow over your life like storm clouds. You hold your breath, for fear of allowing yourself to fully embrace the moment.

Do you remember the Y2K scare that computers would crash when clocks rolled over to 2000? It was amusing to be in Australia, one of the first time zones to see the New Year. January 1, 2000 arrived without incident and yet people in other parts of the world still fretted about what would happen to them? We love to worry, don’t we. As Charles Schulz (creator of Charlie Brown) said, “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.”

As if the present moment does not contain enough beauty of its own, we so often engage in mental time travel. We travel back in time, at least our mind’s best effort to reconstruct the past. It’s like living life through the rear view mirror. The problem with living life through the rear view mirror is that objects (and memories) appear larger than they really are. Situations that were challenging in the past might not be so challenging now that you have more courage and wisdom. Your fear that the hurts of the past will repeat is disproportionate compared to your ever expanding ability to deal with life as it emerges. Quit judging yourself for who you used to be. Give yourself a break. The same challenges may arise, but this time you are ready. You are a new person, stronger, smarter and wiser.

We also travel forward in time, at least our mind’s best attempt to guess the future. It’s the same problem. You think about the future from the level of wisdom and courage you have now, forgetting that you will be different, wiser and stronger by the time the future arrives. Mental time travel leads to such a distorted sense of identity, and so much unnecessary suffering.

Of course, it’s essential to do some mental time traveling. That’s how you learn from the past and anticipate the future. It’s right to reflect on the past and plan ahead. Just don’t dwell there.

Zadie Smith offers a beautiful turn of phrase when describing the passage of time in White Teeth. She says; “don’t fall for ‘the myth, the wicked lie, that the past is always tense and the future, perfect’.”

Grammatically, the perfect tense has a neat relationship with the present tense. The perfect tense implies that everything that needs to be done is already done. It all collides in this moment; everything necessary for contentment comes together in this moment. The past is what it is, and what your memory makes of it. You make the future perfect by living fully in the present.

The point here is, “live your life in the perfect, present tense.” You lack nothing in this moment. You need nothing in this moment. All is perfect right now. Sometimes it takes a young child to remind us to stay awake to the moment. I have a special memory of a phase in life when I spent Fridays with my two-year-old son. We walked and sometimes, we even walked backwards. Occasionally, we walked with our eyes shut. We smelt flowers. We got lost as often as possible.

One of our favorite tricks was running sticks along the metal fence of the Jehovah’s Witness Kingdom Hall. It occasionally disturbed the meetings taking place inside, and briefly the attention of these pious people was diverted from their future hope discussions to the reality outside. They probably expected trouble, yet when they looked, all they saw was a young child and his dad, both being kids. I often imagine that they might have pitied us as people who had no future hope according to their religious beliefs. If only they knew. If only they realized that this was one of the times in my life when I felt most alive and hopeful; precisely because nothing was further from my mind than the future.

Visit Soulseeds for resources to stay grounded in the present moment.

We're All Related

Traditional Russian nested dolls stack one inside another. The only distinguishing feature of each doll is its size. The beautiful thing about nested dolls it that the size of each doll is just what it needs to be to keep the whole doll intact. If one doll is missing, the whole thing will rattle around and if you put them in the wrong order the whole thing will topple over. The nested doll is a profound metaphor for the spiritual journey of growth and connections. Life has its own beautiful connectedness. The universe is a nested whole, and each individual is a nested whole within a universe of parts.

Body, mind and spirit work together like stacked dolls to create a healthy and whole person. They want to be in harmony. They are like triplets separated at birth, longing to be reunited. If you spend all your time building your body, you could be neglecting your spirit. If you spend all your time learning pieces of knowledge and don’t allow time for being, you could be neglecting your body and spirit. When you unite mind, body and spirit, your mind is clear, your body is strong and your spirit soars as every nerve and cell in your being orients and cooperates towards this end.

The dolls are also a beautiful analogy for the different parts of your “self”. A rotund Russian doll was lying on a therapist’s couch, saying to her counselor, “I get the feeling there are lots of little “mes” inside me just trying to bust out. Am I going crazy doc?” There are parts of each of us that we are still getting to know and appreciate. Maybe it’s the adventurous side of a cautious person or the creative side of a logical person. You’re not going crazy. You’re just learning to express the full genius of your humanity. Don’t resist.

All the parts of your humanity, even the seeming contradictions, are important. Just don’t imagine that any of them could ever fully define you. As you uncover the outer layers of the self with awareness, you get closer and closer to your essence as a seed of divine potential. The deeper into the nested selves you delve, the less striving and pretending there is. When you drop the need to measure up to society’s standards, a new layer is revealed. When you drop your assumptions about what you can and can’t do because of the past or your genetics or whatever excuse you come up with, a new layer is revealed. When you drop the attachment to your ideas of how the future will play out, a new layer is revealed.

There is a place beyond the surface noise that is peaceful and calm as it has nothing to prove and nothing to fear. You could say that this inner doll is God, or Ultimate Reality, or Ground of Being or Divine Abundance or pure awareness, or I am, or whatever language you use to describe stillness that has nothing to protect or defend. It just is, and is completely at one with all that arises. You know what I’m talking about, because you have experienced it, even if only for brief moments.

The analogy of the nested dolls offers an antidote to much of the drama that divides us, within and without. The great philosopher Carl Jung said, “Whatever is rejected from the self appears in the world as an event.” Jung’s last years of life where lived in the shadow of the Cold War. He spoke about unresolved inner drama playing out as conflict between the “West” and the “Communist Bloc”. Is the same shadow boxing taking place now between America and the Muslim world? Is there an inner restlessness that is disowned in the west and being projected out onto Islam? A small number of terrorists have provided an excuse to blame all Muslims for our global restlessness.

The question of whether an Islamic Center should be built near Ground Zero cuts to the heart of whether we truly accept our inner shadows and our connection to each other. Muslims didn’t attack America on 9/11, terrorists did. A small group of fanatics twisted Islam to fit their agenda the same way Hitler twisted Christianity to suit his agenda.

An Islamic center run in the true spirit of Islam would be an asset to downtown Manhattan. It would help to bring healing to a fragile neighborhood. It would increase understanding of a religion that seems obscure and foreign to many westerners. Hopefully there will be some self awareness about the resistance to the Islamic center that will heal the disowned shadow.

Then again, imagine a center on or near ground zero that crosses the boundaries that divide people along religious and political boundaries; a space that mimics the nested dolls. Imagine the healing that could take place with a space that combines a Muslim prayer room, a Christian gathering room, a Zen meditation space, a New Thought reading room and more. Each part of the space would build on the rest. The foundation of the whole thing would be a welcome entry space that includes and transcends all else that takes place. It would remind everyone that we are intimately related beyond the differences and ultimately working in the common cause of a more peaceful world.

You can now buy Democratic nested dolls. Obama is on the outside, then Clinton inside him, then Carter, Johnson and Kennedy in the centre. Not that Kennedy is God of course, but it is certainly true that each leader builds on their predecessors. In fact you could create a nested doll with each of the political leaders from all parties nested inside of each other. The evolution of party politics is interrelated. Parties are more related than we realize just as religions are more related than we admit.

Beyond all the shadows and fears, we are all one. Beyond the divisions and language barriers lies The One. It is the divine essence of all things. You know deep down in places you can barely remember that you are destined to live in divine essence. It is calling you to live in relationship to all people. Come back to it now. It will transform your life and it will begin to heal the world.

As the poet Rumi said, “Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

Please visit Soulseeds for resources to remind you that you are related to all being. The Spiritual but not Religious daily affirmations particularly focus on global oneness.

In the Field Beyond Labels

Christian, evangelical, liberal, progressive, fundamentalist, Buddhist, Hindu, Jew, Muslim, theist, deist, atheist, post theist, pantheist, panentheist, naturalist, religious naturalist, humanist, spiritual humanist, spiritual, spiritual but not religious, religious and not spiritual, spiritual and religious, neither spiritual nor religious..........there are enough labels flying around these days to start a philosophical supermarket.

When it comes to human beings, labels have limited value. Store items need their labels fixed firmly in place. People are better off keeping a loose hold on labels. You and your thoughts are so much more than any one, two, three or four word label could ever capture. Better to write your labels in pencil because they are likely to change over time. There is no need to feel trapped in a label from the past.

In fact some of the desire for labels comes from an egoic need to be special and marked. We end up in our own philosophical brand label competition – my label is better than yours, my label is more popular than yours, my label is more elusive and ambiguous than yours. Who are we kidding? There’s no lasting self worth in a stick-on label. Eventually the adhesive wears out and usually before you are ready.

My motto is to be open to everything and attached to nothing, including labels. This is the path to freedom and inner peace. I take truth from where it presents itself and keep moving towards the light. If a label nudges me along for a while, I use it. If its effect begins to fade, or it begins to make me feel smug, I leave the label for the open roads of possibility. At my best moments, I am at peace with my true self which is beyond any label because it doesn’t depend on any particular thoughts or feelings for verification. It is my born identity, and like the amnesic superspy Jason Bourne, I sometimes struggle to remember its origins. It is my unchanging essence that is one with the source of life.

It’s in this space between the labels that I am most at ease. It’s also in the space between the labels that the best human interactions take place. We can genuinely connect from a place of openness and without defense. We have so much more in common than our labels can even hint at. The poet Rumi described it like this-

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field.
I'll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase each other
doesn't make any sense.

For now, I choose the label that simply reads, “I am.” What is the way? “I am!” Where is the truth? “I am!” Who is the life? “I am!” Of course, you are too. Many “I ams” make a powerful “We are”, freed from territorial defense and related at the most intimate level.

Ps- Just a reminder that Meg and I have launched our website, Soulseeds, and we invite you to check it out. You are sure to find something that inspires and encourages you.

Life is a Series of Meaningful Coincidence

"Life is not a problem to be solved, but a mystery to be experienced." Joseph Campbell

I have been asked to write about synchronicity and serendipity. What are they? Is there any difference between them? I relish the opportunity to put down in words my profound appreciation for synchronicity and serendipity, as they are two of life’s gifts that fill me with deep gratitude and wonder.

Let me say up front that I have no idea whether the meaning that I find in events and people and nature is created inside my own mind, or whether I am bending my mind and heart to make life meaningful. Who can say? This distinction is not important to me and the question is distracting. It’s a little like being at the peak of a roller coaster and pausing the scene to analyze whether I am just making up the feeling of exhilaration. Just feel the moment and enjoy the feeling. What is important is that I experience meaning and miracle as much as possible.

In order for an event to qualify as synchronicity or serendipity it has to be surprising. It has to shake you out of some habitual mindset that deludes you into believing that life has predictable patterns that you can control and explain. Some situations defy easy answers. Déjà vu, uncanny premonitions, recurring dreams, ridiculously improbable meetings, outrageous “jinx” moments – these are all beautiful, if sometimes eerie, experiences.

There is no particular causal link. For example, I am eating in a restaurant on the other side of the world in a place I have never been and there is my neighbor at the next table. We didn’t plan it. There is no rhyme or reason as to why this should happen. And yet, it feels like more than coincidence. We have a conversation that the frenetic pace of home life never allowed for. We forge a new bond. A friendship is born.

As Swiss psychologist Carl Jung said, it’s "more than chance, and less than causality". It’s a meaningful coincidence, even if just because it leaves me gasping at the possibility of miracles in every day moments.

Birds and creatures so often seem to be agents of meaningful coincidences, like a white dove hovering at the baptism of Jesus. The hummingbird appears at particular moments of self reflection as if to remind you to be gentle with yourself. The crow reappears high on the pole as if to warn you to pay attention. Jung had his own meaningful encounter with a beetle. A patient was telling him about a dream that involved a golden scarab beetle, when he heard a tap at his window. Jung opened the window and in flew a scarab beetle. Its colors matched the description of her dream. The scarab beetle was rare in that part of the world. It was an unexpected visitor. He handed the beetle to the woman and said, “Here is your scarab.” By all reports, the woman had some major breakthroughs as a result of the experience. The beetle became a symbol for transformation and wholeness.

So often, moments of synchronicity and serendipity occur at times of crisis and vulnerability. When the student is ready, the teacher appears. The teacher may be a person or a beetle, a meeting or an event.

What is the difference between synchronicity and serendipity? It’s a very subtle difference, and not one that is particularly important. Serendipity is a surprising event or meeting that feels meaningful. Serendipity is running into someone and in the course of the conversation realizing that this is exact connection necessary at this point in your life. Synchronicity is two or more events that seem meaningful because they happen at the same time. Synchronicity is hearing the same phrase used several times in the same day and realizing that it’s the piece of a thought puzzle you had been looking for.

One of the most amazing moments of serendipity I have ever heard about was the story of a Jewish man from Ohio who visited the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem. The man had some unresolved tension with his deceased father. He was blaming himself for his father’s death and decided to leave a note to his father in the wall. It is commonly believed that the stones in the wall have healing power. His note said, "Dear Father, I beg you to forgive me for the pain I caused you. I loved you very much and I will never forget you. And please know that nothing that you taught me was in vain. I will not betray your family's deaths. I promise." He placed the note into a small crack in the wall and in the process dislodged another note. He couldn’t resist reading it. Incredibly, it turned out to be a note from his father. It said, “My Dear Son Joey, If you should ever happen to come to Israel and somehow miraculously find this note, this is what I want you to know: I always loved you even when you hurt me, and I will never stop loving you. You are, and always will be, my beloved son. And Joey, please know that I forgive you for everything, and only hope that you in turn will forgive a foolish old man."

The son was ready, and the teacher came in the form of the most amazing and transformative coincidence. Maybe the long and short of it all is to have an open mind and heart so that more and more situations feel meaningful and significant. Choose to live as if coincidences are God’s way of staying anonymous. Choose to believe that people and events, especially the surprising ones, are sacred experiences.

For my part, I choose to believe that my meeting with the love of my life twenty years ago was serendipity. There was no logical reason why we should meet, coming from different cities and worlds. The meeting was meaningful and created a family and a life calling. The birth of my three children, the moves from Australia to New Zealand to America, the encounter with some of the most amazing people in the world – these and more situations are encounters with a mystery that sources my life and fills me with joy.

Serendipity and synchronicity call me beyond the thoughts I’ve known to soar like a bird and shine like a golden beetle. They remind me to trust life which surely has more plans and purposes than I could ever imagine. So many moments are tapping at the window of my consciousness, asking to come in. All I need to do is open the window.

But don’t take my word for it. Look to your own experience. As Rumi said, “Don't be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth." Find your own meaning. Realize your own miracles. The universe is waiting to greet your openness. Fill the hunger in your spirit by discovering the miracle and meaning that is lurking in every moment. This is the true joy of being alive. Celebrate the conspiracy of coincidences that are collaborating in the creation of your life’s calling.