Affirmations as Spiritual Practice

The Eighteenth Century Hasidic master, Tzemech Tzedek, was once asked to pray for a seriously ill person. He said to the family, “Tracht gut vet zain gut,” which in Yiddish means “Think good, and it will be good.” What a bold statement! Do you think your thoughts are so powerful that they create your reality?

At the very least, your thoughts shape the way you experience your reality. You carry your thoughts around like a blue-colored lens, wondering why everything looks blue. Everything is not blue. It’s just the only option you’re giving yourself. Once you realize your lens is tainting your experience, you can make a choice. You can take them off, clean them up, put a new lens in, or you can choose to continue seeing only blue.

The human brain is like a set of eye glasses. It sees what it sees, and puts it all through a meaning making grid. It works with your current set of beliefs, your current lens. You often don’t even realize that your glasses are cracked and warped. It’s as if you have been wearing the same pair since early childhood; unquestioned and familiar. You make choices that confirm these beliefs, or else you make meaning of events that make the beliefs seem true to you. For example, so and so ignored me, and that proves that I am unlovable. The incredible irony is that you accept suffering and unhappiness in your life just to confirm that your beliefs are true. You attract the people and circumstances that verify your entrenched beliefs. You become your own self fulfilling prophecy.

The principle of using affirmations is that you can retrain your brain to see experience through the lens of your choice. First, you can notice yourself lapsing into entrenched beliefs. Observe it and realize that these old thoughts aren’t serving you. Then as you find yourself thinking self limiting thoughts, you can choose different thoughts. You can practice filling your mind with positive affirmations, or at least not adding in unnecessary negative thoughts. Then you can enjoy the benefits of these new beliefs. For example, this person ignored me and I don’t know why, so I won’t take it personally. Or, this situation is difficult therefore I am becoming stronger and wiser. So I wont choose to make it mean that life is against me.

Woody Allen once ended a stand up routine by saying, "I wish I could think of a positive thought to leave you with. Will you take two negative thoughts instead?"

What do you do with persistent negative thoughts? Think positive thoughts about them. Love them into submission. Affirmations are not about suppression. You will have negative thoughts. Some of them will be poor visibility from a cracked lens. Some of them will be appropriate and be the exact motivation you need to make a change in your life. Affirm even the negative thoughts, and the difference will become clear. Which thoughts are serving you, and which thoughts are locking you into self destructive patterns?

Affirmations are about deciding which animal you want to feed. Feed the thoughts that serve you. Practice thoughts that help you to see the world with greater love and possibility. Affirmations offer you a way to state reality as if it’s already true and in so doing you reset your brain’s meaning making machine. Set the intention that you are lovable and loved, that your life has purpose and that you are a servant of kindness and so it will be. Affirmations help you to believe in your amazing essence and bring many of your deepest intentions into reality. They bring enormous positive change into your life.

Don’t expect your brain to rewire over night, but saying affirmations out loud and several times will make a difference over time. They will come to mind at surprising moments through the day. The more natural the affirmation feels for you, the more aligned you are to the intention.

Comedian Ronnie Shakes once said, “I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought, “What the hell good would that do?”

Affirmations will do you a world of good and it will do the world a world of good. It will be part of cleaning up a life time of dirty glasses and the affirmations will spread like a seed of kindness to heal a hurting world. The world needs love, not more judgment. Begin with yourself.

Rising Above Negativity

There is a Maya Angelou poem called “Still I Rise”. It’s my favorite Easter poem, full of sassy optimism. It rings of a woman who has stared her demons in the face, and said “enough. I choose freedom.” It is dripping with life experience. It’s as if she is saying to her detractors, “I may be disappointing your low expectations, and your self limiting beliefs, but get over it. I’m here and I’m done with fear.”

This poem first struck a chord with me in Easter of 2001. It felt like I had been forced out of my hometown (Sydney) because the church didn’t know what to do with me. It felt like an ending. I was full of bitterness and defeat. Easter 2001 was my first Easter at St Matthew in the City in Auckland. It was the first Easter I stared my own bitterness in the face, like a heavy stone. I made the choice to roll the stone away from my ego’s tomb and create my own future. This was no ending. This was an incredible beginning that eight years later is still beginning. Applying the Easter story as a lesson in personal transformation was the icing on the cake of my own liberation. Still I Rise was my mantra.

Last Sunday, as well as reporting back on my trip to the UK, I began an Easter reflection. I used the image of rising above perceived endings, standing on the mound of your life experiences and using them as a spring board for new possibilities. I have experienced this liberation. You can as well. May you know freedom this Easter; freedom from regret and bitterness. May you rise above endings to gain the vision necessary to greet a new moment. Every perceived letdown is an opportunity in disguise. Every imagined disappointment is a new possibility awaiting your attention. Everything you think you have lost eventually turns up in a different guise. Every ending morphs into a wondrous new beginning.

Make a decision this Easter. Enough with the self inflicted drama and suffering. Enough with trying to live down to other people’s expectations. This Easter, you rise. This Easter, you rise. This Easter, you rise.

Here is the whole Angelou poem for inspiration- even better, watch Maya read it.


Still I Rise

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

Maya Angelou

Are You Haunted by Memories of Religion?

As I flew out of the UK yesterday, the head of the Church of England was saying this-

“I believe we are living in a country that is uncomfortably haunted by the memory of religion and doesn’t quite know what to do with it....in a society which is religiously plural and confused and therefore not necessarily hostile.”

Haunted! Confused! Uncomfortable! Not necessarily hostile! These aren’t exactly words that inspire confidence. I’m pleased he is paying attention, but I’m not sure he has accurately captured the mood of England.

My experience in England was of small but passionate, progressive churches. Each one of these churches felt somewhat suppressed and restricted by their respective traditions that are becoming increasingly outmoded and irrelevant. They are frustrated that more people don’t attend, but don’t feel they are encouraged or resourced by their denominations to make the necessary changes to attract people.

On my way to these churches, I drove past scores of people cheering their kids on soccer fields and riding horses, shopping and reveling. None of these people looked haunted or confused at all. I suspect they remember religion like they remember school assemblies; a faint memory of disinterest, but not haunting memories.

The majority of English society has given up on religion. Many have also bypassed progressive religion in preference for a self styled spirituality that includes yoga, meditation, personal transformation, ethical values, a strong ecological commitment and joyful relationships. They are spiritual but not religious. They pile flowers on the site of road accidents because they feel connected to people, living and dead, and the religious differences are irrelevant in the scheme of life.

I arrive back from England, inspired and excited. I am more committed than ever to offering a space for spiritual but not religious people to be accepted for who they are, to reflect on their beliefs, to name their experiences and to connect with other spirit seekers who want to make the world a more peaceful place.

As I transited through Chicago, I realized that it was the five year anniversary of my arrival in America. I reflected on that milestone, recalled the tinge of sadness at leaving the most progressive Anglican Church in the world, and remembered the excitement at arriving to join c3. The vision of SBNR.org is the same vision I sat around the table in 2003 and discussed with the c3 selection committee. The DOW was up 400 points at this stage. The sun was shining in Grand Haven. I was overcome with a sense of excitement and optimism.

I boarded the plane for Grand Rapids, and whose distinctive belly laugh did I hear? Don Hoekstra. He and Patti were arriving back from family in Denver. Don had been instrumental in creating the connection between me and West Michigan back in 2003. He and I spent many hours in 2003 and 2004 talking about the reality of SBNR and the inability of churches to speak meaningfully to this group. In America, as in England (and I suspect many other countries), people have bypassed progressive religion and moved straight into the spiritual but not religious category.

I celebrate this group, and feel the strongest resonance with them. I suspect most of them are satisfied and comfortable with where they are, and not at all haunted by the memory of religion. They are profoundly passionate and committed to a better world. I stand alongside spiritual but not religious people everywhere ready to love the world to pieces, one peace at a time.

Spiritual Beings on a Human Journey

I’m now into my second week of the UK tour. It’s all going smashingly. I’ve met some great people, seen some incredible places and had some wonderful realizations. I continue to find myself enjoying the beautifully human moments. More and more, the ordinary moments hold the treasure for me.

I’ve always felt this way, but it seems very clear to me now that spirituality is about a full experience of life, all of life. My favorite moments in church have always been the human moments. There were some nice moments in church at St James Piccadilly yesterday. A St Patrick’s Day parade passed by the church (it felt and sounded like it was going right through the church). First it was bagpipes, then a Johnny Cash sound-alike, then a big band, and raucous cheering all the while. The Catholic celebration outside merged with our protestant celebration inside. It was a nice metaphor for the merging of perspectives, traditions and lives. We really aren’t that different; English, Australian, American, Catholic, Protestant, old, young.

This realization came to me as I was speaking to a group of people in England, not that different to groups of people anywhere in the world. At St James, they gather in a motley circle to receive communion. I found this moving, after sharing in my sermon about a former church where people elbowed each other for first sip of the communion wine and prostitutes nodded off while standing at the communion rail.

Then I discovered that Rabbi Rami had spoken at C3 the same morning on spirituality as humanity, even the challenging moments. I shouldnt be surprised by that synchronicity. Rami is a kindred spirit.

There have been memorable human moments with each group I have mixed with, too many to mention here. I have now been from London to the top of England, into “All Creatures Great and Small” country, and across to Leeds. In each group there have been atheists, progressive Christians, Buddhists and people becoming more and more resonant with the phrase ‘Spiritual but not Religious.” One moment from Leeds stays with me. A 93 year old man spoke up right towards the end of the workshop. He had struck me early on as someone who has seen a lot of life, and still smiles in the face of it all. He said he was drawn to nature and then recited a beautiful verse from William Wordsworth’s poem “Daffodils”. I was very moved and it has stayed with me-

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

He captured the essence of living as a spiritual being on a human journey through mystery, nature, beauty, love and humanity.

Spiritual But Not Religious

What’s your feeling about mainstream religion? Do you resonate more with the phrase, spiritual but not religious?

I grew up in the church. When kids said, “You live in a church?” I understood their confusion. I lived so near the church that I could hear church mice eating stale communion wafers. My early memories include over-sized bishops falling through dining chairs, adult home groups singing “trust and obey” with off key gusto and Jesus’ sister (from the local psych. hospital) snoring loudly in the front pew through my dad’s sermons. It was all curious to me, curious enough to draw me into its web when I came of age.

Maybe it was because I was so familiar with church that I never fell for religion’s dogmatic lair. I sat through four years of reformed theological education and didn’t get excited about much of it. It wasn’t that I disagreed. I just couldn’t see the point. My desire to run a church was about nurturing the type of raw human community that had intrigued me as a kid, rather than telling people what to believe.

Two decades, three countries, and a bunch of grey hair later, I bear the scars of my idealism. In every place, there are people prepared to bleed for their dogmatic comforts. There was the Benedictine Monk. He was an accountant by day, caped crusader by night, hell bent on removing me from “his” church. There was the threat of heresy charges for not condemning my gay and lesbian friends. There was the letter from a Bishop stating that I remain in good standing in the Anglican world, and his sneered tone as he handed it to me, “this isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.”

Then there were the constant reminders that my presence in churches, though offensive to some Christians, meant something positive to the church alumni. These were the people I wanted to be in community with, and I always believed that I could still nurture the type of community that met the needs of this scattered group. The homeless people, the broken people, the creative people, the liberated people, the recovering people, the inquiring people, the family people, those who put their humanity before their ideology; these were my people. I met them in pubs and on university campuses, in gyms and at school picnics. I stood alongside them at protests and bar lines. I just didn’t see them in church.

It was only when I arrived in West Michigan (of all the most unlikely places) that I found a sizeable population of church alumni who were prepared to get organized into a life affirming community. What’s more, they wanted to be part of a broader vision to resource and connect this massive network of people around the world. For the past 5 years I have worked with the most impressive group of human beings I could ever have hoped to encounter. C3 is ready to explode.

I am deeply committed to C3’s health and growth. I depend on this amazing community to feed and sharpen my vision and ideas. I am intimately related to the people and the shared vision. The next step in this evolution is for me to grow wings and fly into open space, knowing that the nest is secure.

The Spiritual but not Religious community is large in number, somewhere between 25 and 40 million just in the United States. Currently, the community is only loosely formed. A new and wonderful spirit is emerging that is passionate and inspiring. It is not bound by ideology or geography, but by a desire to live with integrity, grounded in the power of presence and compassion.

Together we serve the Greater Good, or God, or Wonder or whatever words best describe the beauty that sources our lives. We promote a sense of wonder, and the rapture of being alive. Spirituality is wonder, experienced in the ordinary and extraordinary moments of life.

I am most familiar with Christianity, but that is not an exclusive identity. I am Australian, but that doesn’t prevent me from being a global citizen. I am a parent, but that doesn’t fully define me. Above all else, I am a human being, on a journey of growth and discovery. The label I am most comfortable with, because it includes without compromise all the other roles I play, is inclusive spiritual.

Will you join me? You need give nothing up; neither identity nor tradition. If you like the idea of connecting with the massive number of people who no longer want to be defined by narrow beliefs, but want to have a deeper experience of life, then join the conversation. If you want to make a massive difference in the world, then join the conversation. Together we will love the world with abandon, in an ever widening circle of kindness, until the day when love conquers all hatred and no one and no thing is excluded from love’s tender embrace.