Whats In Your Stars These Holidays?

Sue Monk Kidd writes in her book Where the Heart Waits, ”When my daughter was small she got the dubious part of the Bethlehem star in a Christmas play. After her first rehearsal she burst through the door with her costume, a five-pointed star lined in shiny gold tinsel designed to drape over her like a sandwich board. ‘What exactly will you be doing in the play?’ I asked her. ’I just stand there and shine,’ she told me.”

What a beautiful image! She just stands there and shines. Life gets so confusing at times, and the Holidays can be a dark time for many people. Bring yourself back to the simplicity of a young child in a Christmas pageant radiating light from a sandwich board.

You don’t have to uncover the meaning of life. You don’t have to solve world hunger. You don’t have to be perfectly together and on top of things. You just have to shine your own unique light in the world and trust its glow. When life is overwhelming and you can’t see your way forward, remember that you don’t need to map out all the steps or plan your whole future. Just follow the star of your inner light to reveal the next step and know that you are part of a universe that will carry you with its momentum if you stop resisting.

Biologist Ursula Goodenough said,

“The realization that I needn’t have answers to the Big Questions has served as an epiphany. I lie on my back under the stars and the unseen galaxies and I let their enormity wash over me.”

The star is a universal symbol of guidance, and a popular symbol at Christmas. No matter what your perspective on religion, Christmas is an awesome time to reflect on stars, light and new birth. They are all related. The painter Van Gogh once said, “When I have a terrible need of – shall I say the word – religion. Then I go out and paint the stars.”

Every new birth is a miracle forged in balls of gas burning billions of miles away. Every person, every thing in the world, shines with the glow of a supernova. For each person born there are 1.5 trillion stars. The mind boggles. Which is more miraculous; a star or a birth? Are they even separate? As above, so below. Life goes on. The Christmas miracle.

This Christmas, when you have the need for fresh perspective or encouragement, look to one of your 1.5 trillion stars and let its immensity wash over you.

Abraham Heschel, 20th century Jewish theologian said, “We can never sneer at the stars, mock the dawn or scoff at the totality of being. Sublime grandeur evokes unhesitating, unflinching awe. Away from the immense, cloistered in our own concepts, we may scorn and revile everything. But standing between earth and sky, we are silenced by the sight.”

What are the stars saying to you? Your intuition can be trusted. It often points you beyond the life you have planned and on to the life that is waiting for you; a life of extraordinary goodness and beauty. If the wonder and clarity of your intuition eludes you, then gaze at the stars and know that you are as much star as you are flesh and blood.

Above you are the stars. Beneath you is the earth. Within you is the light of life. Like the stars may your vision be clear. Like the earth, may your life be grounded. Like the light within, may your spirit shine.

I am star struck by the wonder of it all. Namaste.

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Running Away from Christmas

A young kid was in big trouble with his Dad. He was sent to his room, where he stayed for an hour. His Dad came in and found him packing some of his clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank. The kid said indignantly, “I’m running away from home!”

“What if you get hungry?” the father asked.

“Then I’ll come home and eat and then leave again!” said the child.

“And what if you run out of money?”

“I will come home, get some money and then leave again!” replied the child.

“What if your clothes get dirty?”

“Then I’ll come home and let mommy wash them and then leave again,” he said.

The Dad shook his head and exclaimed, “This kid is not running away from home; he’s going to college.”

Sound familiar?

Did you ever run away from home as a kid? I remember packing a bag and heading out the back gate. I did a couple of laps of the block, passing a neighbor each time I went by. She eventually asked me what I was doing. I said, “I’m running away from home but Mom says I’m not allowed to cross the road so I’m trying to find a way around it. I wasn’t the smartest kid.

It turns out that running away is a lifelong habit for most of us and it can get a lot more serious than childhood tantrums. I met many runaways when I worked in the inner city of Sydney. They were running away for a variety of reasons- abuse, mental illnesses, debt, crime, confusion. Many of them used different names and kept their cards close to their chest.

I became friends with one particular homeless guy who was running away from some big problems. He was the kindest person I’ve ever known. They called him “the bear” in the neighborhood because he was fiercely protective and he gave big hugs. We spent hours chatting about life and pain and meaning. He didn’t tell me much about his past and I didn’t ask. But he hinted that there had been abuse at the hands of a Catholic Priest. He became my guardian angel in the neighborhood, telling people I was “okay” and introducing me to some of the most desperate people I have ever met.

When he got bronchitis, I let bear sleep in the church. That was when it happened. As soon as I opened the door of the church I could tell that something was wrong. I was devastated to find him dead with a stick of heroine in one arm and another stick lying next to him. We posted notice of his death hoping that family would come forward but there was no response. So a few of us put some money together to make sure Bear got a proper send off. At the funeral I had a church full of free spirited streeties. They were impossible to control, so I just let them do their thing. People wondered in and out of the building, went outside to shoot up before coming back in to weep and pay their respects. It was what it needed to be.

About 6 months later I received a phone call. A woman on the other end of the phone said she was Bear’s mother, although she called him “Brad”. She had just heard the news about her son. She was inconsolable. Meg and I hosted bear’s parents and sister in our home. I took them to the places where Bear used to hang, introduced them to his friends and we did another ceremony at the gravesite. They told me some of his story and their shock that he ended up on the streets. They told me about the abuse. They described how he got on the wrong side of some bikers in another state. He needed to protect his daughter, so he left behind his family, moved to Sydney, grew a long beard, changed his name and lived anonymously on the streets. They hadn’t heard from him in two years. If only you could have heard bear’s mother describe her boy, bear’s close relationship with his daughter, how he cleaned the house with her draped over his shoulder like a tea towel. This was like any young guy you have ever met. He just had some awful secrets and made some tragic mistakes. So he did the only thing he could think to do. He ran away.

As much as I admired Bear, running away didn’t work for him. His past was right with him everywhere he went. We’re all running away from something, aren’t we? Whether it’s an extreme situation like abuse or debt, or more everyday situations like haunting memories or poor choices, we are all running away from something. What are you running from? Why are you running? Sometimes you’re right to move or change locations, but don’t run away. You run because you’re afraid. You run because you’re in denial. You run because you think there’s some safer, better place. Stop. You can’t run away from a problem because you will still be there and you and your voice of judgment are at least 50% of the problem. Wherever you go, there you will be with the same unresolved issue and the same self loathing. Maybe it’s time to stop running and start accepting the fragile beauty of your humanity. See yourself the way the rest of us see you.

What Are You Looking For At Christmas?

Christmas is often a time that brings our deepest insecurities to the surface. I don’t know what it is- maybe it’s the traditions, maybe it’s time with family or in-your-face consumerism that makes global suffering more stark. Something about Christmas brings the realities of life into new focus. Some of us would like to run away from Christmas some years. So let me ask you a question- what are you looking to get from the Christmas story? Are you looking for a Disney style story that helps you run away from the realities of life or are you looking for an affirmation that life is tough and some real world inspiration to stick with it? Are you looking for the romantic myth of a virgin birth or the stark reality of a young couple trying to make the best of a confusing situation?

Are you looking for the sugar-coated story of angels with golden wings floating in from outer space with divine messages, or the reality of a frightened couple trying to follow their instincts and discern some meaning in their struggle?

Most of us don’t live sugar-coated lives. The sickly sweet fairytale Christmas story that is often presented offers little to the harsh reality of our lives; teenage pregnancies, unwanted pregnancies, ethnic genocide, global poverty, religious rivalry, family betrayals, personal demons and relationship anguish.

On the other hand, the historical context which paints a more accurate backdrop to the beginnings of Jesus’ life says something profound to the realities of life. From the time Mary became pregnant, to the decisions of a family struggling to make ends meet, to the life of a struggling revolutionary, this was a story of survival against the odds.

The real world Christmas story names the struggles of your life and our world. May you hear in the raw, the real, the radical, the earthy struggles of the family of Jesus, echoes of life as you know it to be. You don’t need to run away. You have all you need right here and now to live fully and survive against any odds, and to be an angel of compassion in the world. Stand in the fire of life without flinching. Your strength will carry you through.

Running Away From Secrets

One part of the Christmas story that has very little historical basis is Herod and the slaughter of the children. Herod was a corrupt tyrant, but there is no evidence that he chased Jesus and his family nor ordered any babies to be killed. It’s more likely that Matthew fabricates this part of the story to connect Jesus’ birth with the Moses story to connect with his Jewish audience.

The birth story was written by people who had second hand experience of the adult Jesus. The impact of Jesus seems to have been so great that they created a birth story that would be remembered, maybe even retold each year for thousands of years. The star, the angels, the dreams- these are all details that fit the birth of a God/king. But the escape from Herod patterned after Moses’ escape from Pharoah. Why include this seamy detail? Maybe to show that life is tough and complicated even for great leaders like Jesus. He too was running in fear. Maybe to show that life is rarely black and white, and decisions are made in the heat of battle.

Stories like this take place in all times and all places. In 2006, in the town of Samarra, 100 kilometers north of Baghdad, Khalib was in a rush to get to the hospital. His pregnant sister was his passenger. She was in labor and Khalib had to get her to the hospital. They made their way down the usual streets. But down one street the U.S. military set up a checkpoint. The soldiers perceived the approaching vehicle as a threat, so they opened fire and ended up killing Nabiha and the child in her womb.

This is one among many such horror stories. I don’t tell the story to criticize the soldiers. I’m not interested in second guessing what other people do in situations in which I have no knowledge or experience. The significant thing about this story is that no one knew about it until Wikileaks published documents this year outlining specific accounts of civilian casualties in Iraq and Afghanistan.

There are some uncanny similarities between Wikileaks and the story of Herod – the mysterious sources of information, the backroom deals and corruption. Wikileaks is on a mission to expose the secrets of modern day Herods. I’m fascinated by the conversations around Wikileaks, It seems at root to be an issue of trust. The people who have little trust in world governments are supportive of Wikileaks, and want to be given more information. The more trust governments have in the people, the more information they will disclose. Trust is a two way street and the existence of Wikileaks is a symptom of lack of trust.

Time will tell if Wikileaks serves the greater good by raising the level of integrity among leaders, or whether it will get in the way of essential leadership functions and puts lives in danger. It’s certainly not a black and white issue. We are living in gray days of information, secrecy and a new world order. At least Wikileaks serves as a balancing force between leadership and the people. Greater transparency and higher integrity are clearly demanded.

If the Christmas story and the Wikileaks revelations achieve anything, it will be that they call every one of us to be the Christmas miracle that we hope for. If you aren’t proud to have anything you say or do be reported on a website, then don’t say or do it. Live with such integrity that you would be pleased to see your words and actions live on in public record for generations. And don’t give up, even on the grayest day and in the deepest despair. For every Herod, there is public official leading with integrity and a family doing the best they can. For every Wikileaks report of corruption there is another story of people living with extraordinary integrity. Keep at it. Don’t run away. You have all you need right here and now. Shine your own Christmas light in the world. Namaste.

Breathing New Life into the Holidays

Now is the time to make sure that you are prepared for the Holidays in EVERY way. Breathe new life into traditions, into relationships, into consumerism. Maybe even just breathe a little.

There is an inspiring story told in the Bible (Ezekiel) about a valley of old bones that had new life breathed into them. Ezekiel used the image of dry bones to describe the feeling that the Israelites had lost all their familiar traditions while in exile. Then he gives them the good news. He says that even the driest old bones can have new life breathed into them. How? With grounding, healing breath. In Hebrew language they used the same word for breath as they did for spirit. No accident, I suspect. For the Hebrews, spirit was the whole person in harmony. The ancient Rabbis had a beautiful image for spirit. They saw spirit as being a house guest in the body. Therefore, you should care for all aspects of your life as if God is present. In your very breath, the divine dwells.

Introduce a breathing practice into your day and watch your energy increase, your mood improve, your body strengthen, your mind sharpen and your spirit revive. Start now and be ready for the Holidays.

Combine a breathing practice with don Miguel Ruiz’s Four Agreements to prepare for an awesome Holiday season.

1. Don’t make assumptions
Before you see family, take some cleansing breaths. Breathe out assumptions, and breathe in acceptance.

Albert Einstein said, “Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.” The story that you carry with you about family is persistent and makes all the sense in the world to you. But what if most of it is fictional?

An old Buddhist tale tells of two monks traveling through woods. They come upon a woman standing at the bank of a river. She needs to get across, but is unable to make it alone. The elder of the two monks picks her up and carries her through the rushing water. Once they’re all on the other side, the woman leaves the monks. The younger monk is stunned at these events. They’re not allowed to touch women so intimately, and he doesn’t know what to make of his older friend’s behavior.

Finally, after stewing over the incident for several miles, he says to his traveling companion, “How could you touch that woman back at the river the way you did? Have you no respect for our vows?” The elder monk turns to his young friend and says, “Are you still carrying that woman? I put her down at the river bank over an hour ago.”

What stories about family are you carrying into this holiday season? Someone is quiet, therefore they must be angry with you. Someone is late, therefore they don’t care about you. There may even be some truth to the story, but it’s still a story. You choose whether you carry assumptions into the holidays or start afresh. Breathe new life into family by letting go of the stories and assumptions that drag you down.

2. Don’t take things personally
How much of the tension you feel around family are you making about yourself? It might not be about you at all. Take some cleansing breaths before seeing family. Breathe out drama. Breathe in acceptance.

An Irishman once came upon two people brawling in the street and asked, “Is this a private fight or can anyone get involved?”

Don’t you often do the same thing with family? When someone is pushing your buttons, most of the time they are involved in their own drama. Is there anything gained by getting involved? Just smile and breathe and move away.

You don’t need drama to feel alive and important. You are alive and important because you house divine love in your mind and body. Drama doesn’t help you to thrive. It distracts you from your essence as a vessel of peace in the world.

Try this holiday visualization-

Picture yourself as a harp with all kinds of large and small debris swirling around you – words, feelings, innuendos, assumptions, drama. Some float toward you, passing right through the spaces between the strings, and glide on by. But others hit the strings, striking a chord that reverberates way back to your past, bringing up old hurts. It strikes a long, discordant note that jangles your nerves and throws you off balance. Notice what passes you by but don’t chase it. If something sticks, say to yourself, “Okay, what can I learn here to make beautiful music in the world?”

3. Speak the truth
Let your yes be yes and your no be no. Before you see family, breathe out pretense and breathe in authenticity. More good can come from working through even the harshest truth than concealing it behind a veil made up of spared feelings or saved face. Speak your mind, and share your truth clearly.

Know your own boundaries with family, be clear about them, and stick with them.

There is a powerful scene in the movie The Family Stone. With all the Stone family home for the holidays, including a narrow minded and uptight new girlfriend (Sarah Jessica Parker), the dinner scene is explosive when the girl friend suggests that a gay couple should think twice about adopting a child in case the child becomes gay. She suggests that being gay is abnormal and is a challenge that people don’t need in life. Her opinion is like a red rag to a bull at this table. Various people around the table try to save the situation with humor, until Mr. Stone slams his fist on the table and says “Enough!” He won’t have this talk in his home.

Maybe there will come a time for you to say “enough!” this holiday season. Thrive in your own truth this season.

Vietnamese Zen Teacher Thich Nhat Hahn offers this reminder:

“Aware of the suffering caused by unmindful speech . . . I vow to cultivate loving speech. Knowing that words can create happiness or suffering . . . I vow to learn to speak truthfully, with words that inspire self-confidence, joy, and hope. I am determined not to spread news that I do not know to be certain, and not to criticize or condemn things of which I am not sure. I will refrain from uttering words that can cause division or discord, or that can cause the family or community to break.”

4. Do your best
We’re all human and we all make mistakes. The question is how forgiving you will be – with yourself and with others. Your life experience to date brings you to this point. Your accumulated wisdom and strength enable you to bring your best to this moment. Do your best, stop expecting perfection and your best will be enough.

In the words of the Tao Te Ching, “’Do your best then step back. This is the only path to peace.”

Choose to thrive this Holiday season. Choose to breathe new life and spirit into the traditions and relationships that are important to you. Even if they appear dead and lifeless, there is always hope. Breathe in peace and breathe out drama. You don’t need drama. It doesn’t help you to thrive. It’s a distraction from your essential purpose on earth, which is to live and love fully and liberate others to do the same.

Please visit Soulseeds for inner peace, breathing, and other Holiday resources, as well as some awesome Christmas gifts for all ages.

The Pope and Condoms- Morality that Fits

Catholic theologian Bernard Lonergan once said, “The church always arrives on the scene a little breathless and a little late.” It’s unfortunately true that religious institutions generally get dragged into the modern world kicking and screaming. Their beliefs and practices often lag the reality of contemporary life as well as the lifestyles of members.

The Catholic Church is a reluctantly modern institution clinging to some pre-modern ideals. The Popemobile is a souped-up car with bulletproof glass, a safety measure not afforded earlier Popes. Some of the Catholic Church's buildings are exquisite examples of enlightenment architecture. What takes place inside is often archaic and superstitious. Her members are people of conscience and knowledge having been liberated by many of the tools of modern science –multiple translations of Bibles and commentaries in native languages, and the internet to name a few. However they are expected to follow official teachings, some of which are pre-scientific and outmoded. The most significant mentors (past and present) in the lives of most Catholics are nuns and parish priests, scholars and activists like Bernard Lonergan, Daniel Berrigan, Dorothy Day and Jim Wallis, even mystics like Matthew Fox and Joan Chittister. These mentors are, or were, well and truly ensconced in a modern or post modern worldview.

The Catholic Church has been an active evangelist for modernism. It has nurtured a freedom it may not be ready to accept. Vatican II's Declaration on Religious Liberty transcends the teachings of pre-council Popes regarding religious tolerance. The Catholic Church no longer claims to be the only true church. One of the consequences of Vatican II is that none of the Catholic doctrines most hotly disputed today –contraception, homosexuality, celibacy, euthanasia, and women's ordination to name a few— is secure for all time. All of them are now open to reversal by a future Pope or Council. In the meantime, Catholics will continue to live according to their own common sense and conscience.

The recent statement of Pope Benedict about condom use is a case in point. While the necessities and expenses of modern life require Catholics to practice appropriate birth control, the official stance of the church has remained unchanged. Until last week, that is, when the Pope opened the door to certain circumstances when condom use might be appropriate. The circumstances he presented were narrow for sure, male prostitutes were mentioned, but the door is open nonetheless. The big news is that he has acknowledged that circumstance plays a role in ethics as opposed to an unbending divine decree from God via the Vatican, a distinctly modern development. I for one applaud this development. To my mind it is the institution taking a small step, breathless but not too late, to catch up to the people and the times. May there be many more steps forward.

A counter argument could be that Pope Benedict is being pragmatic, as Popes have been before him. The Catholic Church allowed its priests to marry for the first 1000 years of its life, and only stopped the practice when it became too costly to support families, not to mention the legal landmine of property ownership. The ban on marriage may have morphed into an ideological (or spiritual) objection, but it was originally a practical consideration. While marriage for priests will be a harder won liberty, it seems that if priests had families, the ban on contraception would be gone quicker than you could open a packet of ribbed Trojans.

Whatever the motivations, this papal development is good news for anyone who embraces the personal responsibility of modernism. Whether you think that modernism is good news or not, it’s futile to resist it. It is here to stay. The freedom to choose from a large number of viable religious options is a given in today’s world. People now speak about a religious “preference” in the same way that you might prefer Pepsi over Coke. It’s not uncommon to hear someone say they are “into” Buddhism much like you might be into Jazz or Country music. The Catholic Church, like all churches, is now a voluntary association in a marketplace of religious choices. This freedom also stretches to include personal morality. As an example. it is estimated that the use of contraceptives among American Catholic women is slightly higher than in the US population as a whole. People are already picking and choosing their religions, their beliefs and their morality. Religious institutions are catching up to the people.

It’s tempting as an inclusive spiritual leader to say “live and let live” in this marketplace of religious and moral preferences. If people choose beliefs different to mine, that’s fine. But does this stretch to include all beliefs? The problem is that not all beliefs are equal and not all beliefs are harmless. Some beliefs lead to violence and innocent suffering. If children die from diseases that could be cured but their parents believe in faith healing, then this is an irresponsible belief. If people die from AIDS because religions preach against condom use, then this is a dangerous belief. If people die in terrorist attacks because of a belief in martyrdom, then this is a hateful belief. If doctors are killed because people have religious objections to abortion, then the belief has crossed a line. If overpopulation wreaks havoc on the planet because of a ban on contraception, then this is a shortsighted belief. I could go on. You get the point. Now I am left with a dilemma. How do I live and let live in these cases? Is my higher loyalty to those holding the beliefs or those suffering because of the beliefs? My heart is with the latter. I choose to challenge any beliefs that lead to harm and the degradation of human dignity. People and institutions should be challenged to be all that they can be and that includes me and any of my beliefs. We owe it to each other and the future of the planet.

Modernism is a gift in many ways. It liberates people to think freely and critically. Choices are made and ethics are decided in a cultural context that can’t be second guessed from the Pope’s throne. However this doesn’t nullify the role of spiritual communities, including Catholic communities. Science and technology offer many tools for self reflection but don’t minimize the role of the individual within a tradition. We are drawn to community which offers a check and balance on our individual, situation driven, morality. We do well to listen to our spiritual brothers and sisters and the stories of our tradition.

I welcome modernism’s gift of free thought, and I welcome the movement from black and white to a hint of gray in the Catholic Church. For the millions of Catholics who are already comfortable in this gray zone, it is affirmation of your inner wisdom. For those who are afraid that some assurance or guidance will be lost, trust your sense of decency that resonates with your tradition without needing any absolute, literal and external authority. You know what is good, true and beautiful. You conscience senses it intuitively. Your tradition teaches it with story, legend and poetry. I end with a brief quote from Vatican II-

Human dignity requires one to act through conscious and free choice, as motivated and prompted personally from within, and not through blind impulse or merely external pressure. (Gaudium et Spes 17; Veritatis Splendor 21)

Gratitude, Family and Holidays

This is the time of year when Americans prepare to give thanks and people everywhere plan for various holiday festivities. It is the best of times. It is the worst of times. High hopes and sometimes deep letdown. Well planned meals, and poorly planned intentions. Fond memories, and deep grief. The holiday season is a great time to recommit to your highest aspirations and celebrate in grand style. Don’t just survive the holidays. Dive in with an open heart and thrive. This can be a time of enormous gratitude, even through the ups and downs of family and holidays.

In a thanksgiving episode of The Simpsons, Homer says grace before their meal, “I give thanks for the occasional moments of peace and love our family has experienced . . . well, not today. You saw what happened. O, Lord, be honest! Are we the most pathetic family in the universe or what?”

At least he’s honest. Most families have days like that or even years like that. When holidays such as Thanksgiving put families together for a couple of hours or a couple of days, it can be explosive. These are some of the people you know most intimately, and yet feelings are often raw. Ancient family rivalries and unresolved tensions are often triggered by flippant comments.

You walk in to your parent’s home and your Mom says, “You’re wearing that!?!” Even though you’re 45, you instantly feel 15.

Conversation moves to the weather, which you think is safe enough until your conservative uncle starts in about “global warming conspiracy theories.” and “gullible liberals”. You roll your eyes and change the subject.

Your brother announces that he and his wife are “doing things differently this year” for Thanksgiving dinner: all vegan. Your old school grandfather mutters under his breath, “Commies!” You smile and pretend your phone’s ringing.

Maybe you had high hopes for previous holiday occasions that fell short of your expectations. Previous disappointment leaves you feeling wary of what might happen this year. Allow gratitude to surprise you. Let new depths of appreciation fill your days and open your heart to loving connections. Gratitude is the host to so much possibility. Gratitude’s guests include optimism, generosity and kindness. Her relatives include abundance, joy and contentment. Gratitude prepares a gourmet feast of joy and goodwill.

Start by expressing gratitude with the trimming of life (the obvious blessings) and let gratitude build momentum and become a habit that stretches to include less obvious blessings. Thoughts are like families that gather together and birds that flock together- gratitude infiltrates other thoughts and spreads its cheer. Give thanks for the day off work, the good food and the afternoon nap. Give thanks for TV sports, smooth travelling and fond memories. Give thanks for fresh starts, yet more fresh starts, constant fresh starts, no matter how scarred the relationship. Give thanks for the ability to choose your response to people who push your buttons and give thanks for the satisfying silence of letting things go.

Some of the biggest barriers to gratitude include assumptions and unrealistic expectations. This holiday season doesn’t have to be like previous holiday seasons. People change. You have changed. You have new inner strength that greets each moment with optimism.

Gratitude isn’t forced or contrived. You don’t need to pretend there is a silver lining in difficult situations. Think of gratitude as the silver lining itself. Gratitude shines a light on your awareness in the same way that the sun creates a silver line at the edge of a cloud. It is your ability to choose to shift your perspective. Be grateful for awareness and your ability to choose your thoughts and words. Be grateful for variety and the surprising teachers in your life. Be grateful for the humility of being brought back to earth, even with a thud and knowing that it has made you stronger. You can get up, dust yourself off and try again and this is the greatest blessing of all. Be grateful even for the ability to be grateful.

Here are three “P”s for a grateful holiday season- Prepare, Pause and Perspective.
Prepare- Spend as much energy being mentally and emotionally prepared for the holidays as you do on logistics and shopping. Make sure it’s your highest self that turns up on Turkey Day.

Pause- When you feel a situation triggering judgment or hurt in you, buy yourself some time. Pause and check in with your highest self before responding, if you need to respond at all.

Perspective- When a situation is beyond your control, choose your response and give thanks for the ability to shift your perspective.

Think of gratitude as a sunlit opening in a winter’s sky. You are seeing the holidays and your family in a bright light. The more focus you place on the new possibility that surrounds you, the brighter your mood will be. As winter sun parts a grey November sky like morning curtains, so your positive attitude will reveal the increasing wonder and goodness that fills your life. Stretch your gratitude before the open curtains of your mind. The view is awesome. Life is good. Happy Holidays.

Below is a gratitude affirmation from Soulseeds. Visit the site to see more.

Seed of Gratitude Be grateful for whoever and whatever comes into your life. They may be surprising messengers or unexpected gifts arriving to probe your character or nudge you into some new adventure of growth. Welcome them all with open arms and a huge heart.

Say to yourself: I embrace all people and all situations and learn what I am ready to learn

Changing Values, Changing Consciousness

Did you play “catch” or “tag” as a child? Those were the days my friends. In Australia there was a safe space called “BAR”. If you were touching BAR, you couldn’t be caught. It got shortened to B.A.R. It seemed to have more punch that way. B.A.R was a moving target. If you started to get tired and knew you were about to get caught, you just called out B.A.R wherever you were standing and all your problems went away. You were literally untouchable. Imagine if you could suspend the toughest moments of your life now, relationship stalemates or seemingly unsolvable work situations, chronic physical pain or the largest global problems with a simple cry, B.A.R! All the problems would vanish just like that.

They were simple days weren’t they? The worst thing that happened was getting chosen last for the football team. Even the most significant life choices were made with a quick game of eanie meanie minie moe. Do you remember eanie meanie? In Australia we used slightly different words. We ended it with “ink pink you stink” and then whatever extra words you needed to add to make sure you chose the person you wanted in the first place.

The closest you came to war was the fort you built in the woods. You decided who came into your fort and who was forbidden. Do you ever wish you could build a fort now and only let people in that you like? Wouldn’t it be simple? Only nice people, people who do what you say. Imagine solving global problems like war and terrorism with a chant that ends in “ink pink you stink.” Imagine if we could solve the Israeli/ Palestine dispute with a simple game of eanie meanie.

Do you privately yearn for the good old days? Do you wish life was simpler and ethical choices more clear cut?

I heard a clip from Comedian David Alan Grier. He talked about growing up in Detroit, Michigan, in the 60s and 70s. He said, “It was a kinder, gentler time. Sure, we had a race riot or two, but deep down, we loved each other.” I enjoyed his comment because the truth is that it didn’t feel simple at the time did it? You agonized over the fort, wept over being chosen last for the football team and extracted every syllable out of eanie meanie to ensure your preferred outcome. Vietnam, race riots and free love were every bit as divisive and confusing as Afghanistan, terrorism and DADT (don’t ask don’t tell).

Life only ever seems simple in hindsight. It was never truly simple. It was just different and it kept changing. You resist change because the new threatens something about the old, forgetting that the old was once something new and frightening itself. You overcame change then and you can do it again. Do you trust yourself to live in a world that doesn’t stay the same for long? My number one objective is to show you the incredible strength of character you have to deal with change, both change within yourself and change in society. You can do it. You will do it. You ARE doing it. I want to show you your power and I want to offer you tools to “do” change skillfully. Ultimately I want to show you that you are at the cutting edge of change, and if you do it mindfully and effectively you can be part of the evolution of humanity, the transformation of society.

First we need to accept that change is inevitable, except of course from vending machines which have very short memories and usually follow Murphys Law. That is, when you drop change at a vending machine, the pennies will fall within reach while all other coins will roll out of sight.

Remember the words in the Taoist text- “If you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will try to hold on to. If you aren’t afraid of dying, there is nothing you can’t achieve.” (Tao Te Ching)

Change Is Inevitable

While things were never simple, they are certainly different now. We now live with greater plurality than we did 30 year ago. Note the difference between pluralism and plurality. Plurality is the reality of change and diversity. Pluralism is an ideology that generally welcomes change and diversity. Whether you welcome change or not, things are changing. Whether you like the new plurality or not, it is a reality. No matter how you wish it was yesterday, it never is.

Things we took for granted in the past can no longer be assumed. Imagine the scene- a woman is with a group of international business acquaintances. They are discussing an upcoming social function. The woman says, “I will be glad to introduce my partner to you.” One replies, “Your business partner.” She replies, “No, my marriage partner.” A man from Singapore chimes in and says, “Is it your only marriage partner?” She replies, “Of course” not realizing that polygamy is accepted in this man’s country. A third person says, “I will be pleased to meet your husband. Is he in the same business?” The woman replies, “Well my spouse is a woman, and no she is not in the same business.”

It’s a classic situation and the sort of situation we all encounter. There are many things which are taken for granted in one culture and not in another. There are also things that used to be taken for granted and we no longer assume them. We no longer assume that a woman is a stay at home Mom, that a couple is married, that a marriage involves a man and a woman or that a child will follow the same religion as their parents.

I vividly remember being at the hospital when my wife’s grandfather was dying. The chaplain came to his bedside and asked if he was Christian. He was surprised, even a little offended. He said, “Of course. I’m Australian aren’t I?” Twenty years later this is not an assumption many of us would make. In fact by 2020 less than 50% of the Australian population will be Christian. You can’t assume that all white Americans are Christians, that all Asians are Buddhist or that all people of Middle Easter descent are Muslims. You can’t assume that all Christians are anti abortion, and you can’t assume that all Muslims take the Koran literally. And get this- now the Pope supports birth control in certain circumstances to stop the spread of HIV, in particular in the case of prostitution. Yes you heard right. That alone is proof enough that all things eventually change. To paraphrase Rocky shouting out to the all Russian audience in Rocky IV, “If the Pope can change, you can change. We all can change.”

We live in a world of many gods, many beliefs, many divisions, many new assumptions. Many of the things we once said “of course” to are no longer assumptions. The biggest change, the Copernican Revolution of all changes, is that Christianity is no longer the center of the world with all other worldviews circling around it. Plurality brings a Copernican revolution to your beliefs. Your worldview is valid, but it is not at the center of the universe with all other worldview circling around you. You have at least a half truth with your worldview. As I heard said recently, just make sure that you have the right half.

So whether you think the massive diversity and plurality in our world is a good thing or a bad thing is not the primary issue. Change is a given to be responded to.

A guy calls his wife from his cell phone while driving on a freeway. His wife says, “Be careful. I just heard on the radio that some nut is driving the wrong way on the freeway.” The husband says, “One nut! There are hundreds of them!”

There are at least two ways to take this little story. Resisting change in a pluralistic world is like driving the wrong way down a freeway. That’s the obvious moral of the story. Another way to think of it is that some of the most important changes have taken place because people like you were prepared to be at the cutting edge, to be a minority of one and drive, white knuckled, against the flow of traffic at great personal peril down the freeway called life. Are you prepared to be one of history’s great doubters, an inquisitor of the status quo? Will you follow in the footsteps of yesterday’s trailblazers who created social change that we now take for granted? Think Socrates, Jesus, Mohammed, Rosa Parks, Ghandi, Martin Luther King.

Beyond Yesterday’s Choices

One of those great change agents told a story. The Bible records Jesus telling the fascinating story of two people going to the temple to pray- a Pharisee and a tax collector. Pharisees were popular and well regarded in their day. Tax collectors? Not so much. The Pharisees tended towards being self righteous and legalistic and the tax collectors were often corrupt. In the story the Pharisee is proud and the tax collector is repentant. It would be a mistake to move too quickly to the moral of the story, that the Pharisee was bad and the tax collector good. This seems more like a parable describing change and complexity. Taxes had to be collected. The industry just needed some regulation. Religious tradition was important. It just needed a little flexibility.

If there is a lesson in the story it is to live with integrity, whether you are a government official or part of the dominant religious culture. It’s a parable about change and redefining values in a changing world. You don’t need to choose between church and state, tradition and change. Our world is asking us new questions. It’s no longer enough to choose between Republican and Democrat. They are labels with diminishing meaning in today’s world. The current political system is hamstrung because it is debating too many old issues. Both parties need to redefine their values and emphasis according to the real questions of the day.

There has been a lot of conversation this week about airport security and the rights of travelers. Apply this issue about privacy and security to the parable. It’s another false choice, and I don’t mean the choice between being groped or nuked. I mean the black and white choice between security and privacy. On the one hand if you want to be safe, be prepared to give up some liberty. On the other hand as Ben Franklin said many years ago, “Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.” Maybe Homeland Security’s Michael Chertoff is THE tax collector in this story and we’re waiting to see if he can live with humility and integrity.

We’re struggling with this issue because it’s not a black and white issue. It’s an issue that transcends either political party and reflects the changing global system and its new challenges. We’re fighting an enemy we can’t see, an enemy that is unpredictable and unconventional. It’s a terrorist ideology that wins by spreading fear and terror. We let them win by living in fear and terror. But on the other hand, there is genuine risk in flying and we need to be as safe as possible on planes.

A lot more could be said about this issue, but that will have to wait for another time. Let me offer a short answer to an issue that demands a long answer by shifting back to the theme of the day- change.

Change by Overcoming Anxiety

I want to offer a tool for dealing with change, whether its family dynamics or the security procedures related to aerodynamics. Lets call it B.A.R. It’s a way of suspending judgment long enough to check in with your own anxiety and assumptions. There are two steps. Locate your real anxiety and turn it around.

1. Locate the REAL anxiety. The real issue with change is personal anxiety. We struggle with change not because of a lack of self will but because we are protecting something that feels vulnerable. Its not about terrorists and it’s not about TSA. It’s not the fear of radiation nor is it the fear of loss of privacy. Ultimately your discomfort is with your own mortality and inability to control life. Locate your fears and put them at ease with a little TLC. Remind them that you are whole and lovable, abundant and brilliant to begin with and this essence doesn’t need to be protected. Shine a light on your fear and it will be revealed for what it is.

2. Turn your anxiety into an “it”. Robert Kegan is a pioneer in the field of moral psychology. He describes the movement from “the past as subject” to “the past as object”. We resist change because we are so identified with the way things were that we can’t separate from it. We think our whole world will end without our story about the way things were. We become ready to change when we see that the past was an “it”, an object. It was what it was, it was part of the story of your life but it didn’t know what you now know. It was important but not permanent. It didn’t live in today’s world and couldn’t answer today’s questions. But you can.

So when you feel yourself resisting change, call B.A.R. Buy some time to check in with your inner fears, and love them to rest. Locate them, love them and leave them. You have a new reality to integrate. Your new reality contains your old reality but it is now more complex, it is stronger and wiser. You are always becoming what the future demands of you. Trust yourself.

Revolution Beyond Right and Wrong

Our new world calls us to move beyond over simplified, black and white, right and wrong perspectives. An ancient Jewish story describes the time that a young man came to his Rabbi to learn the tradition. The Rabbi told him that if he could answer just one question he would be admitted to the class. He asked the following question- “If two men come down a chimney and one ends up dirty and the other one ends up clean, which one has a wash.” The young man confidently answers, “The dirty one.” The Rabbi replies, “No! The dirty one looks at the clean one, sees he is clean and thinks, ‘I must be clean’. The clean one looks at the dirty one, sees he is dirty and thinks ‘I must be dirty’. The clean one has a wash.” The young man hits his forehead, and walks away shaking his head.

He comes back the next day to try again. He begs the Rabbi to give him another chance. The Rabbi again says he will have to answer one question to be admitted to the class. He agrees. The Rabbi says, ““If two men come down a chimney and one ends up dirty and the other one ends up clean, which one has a wash.” The young guy is smarter this time. He says, “The clean one.” The Rabbi replies, “No! The clean one looks at his hands, sees they are clean and knows he is clean. The dirty one looks at his hands, sees they are dirty and goes to take a wash.” The young guy rolls his eyes, curses and leaves in shock.

A third day he comes back. He explains to the Rabbi that he has given it a lot of thought and he is sure he is ready if the Rabbi will just give him one last chance. The Rabbi again says that there will be just one question. The Rabbi asks him, “If two men come down a chimney and one ends up dirty and the other one ends up clean, which one has a wash.” The young guy is determined to get it right. He thinks for a long time, goes back and forth in his mind, ‘the clean one, the dirty one, the clean one”, then finally gives up. The Rabbi says to him, “How can two men come down a chimney and one come out dirty and one come out clean? The question itself is foolish.

The beautiful thing about the Jewish tradition is that it doesn’t generally deal in conclusions. It is open ended and dynamic. Like the stories in so many spiritual traditions, and like the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector, the purpose is not to draw one moral for all time but to locate yourself in the story and allow yourself to be moved to new depths of self knowledge.

You are both the dirty man and the clean man, looking at each other and at their hands, at the bottom of the chimney. You are both Pharisee and tax collector. You are sometimes the guy driving full speed down the freeway, white knuckled, against the flow of traffic. You are part of the redefining of tradition and commerce. You are part of the transformation of culture and humanity.

Thomas Jefferson said, “Every generation needs a revolution.” What is our generation’s revolution? How are you participating? Begin by accepting change. You know you can do it. You are sourced by a spirit that doesn’t need things to stay the same to feel alive. You are at peace with change and flowing with the tide of life. So go with it, alone or in groups of change agents. You have learnt about inner change. You have accepted outer change. Now be a part of revolutionary change. Namaste.

The Power of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a lifelong challenge with few easy answers. We all have our enemies and unresolved tensions. A church pastor once asked his congregation if anyone had forgiven all their enemies. One lone hand shot up, an elderly lady.

“Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you?”
“Ninety-eight,” she replied.
The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.

“Mrs. Neely? Share your secret with the rest of us. How have you forgiven all your enemies?”
“I don’t have any,” She replied, smiling sweetly.

“Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?”
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said, “I outlived the lot of them.”

I guess time does heal wounds. The beautiful thing is that forgiveness equates to a longer and happier life. We tend to think that forgiveness only benefits the person being forgiven. However research has found that forgiveness is good for the person doing the forgiving as well as the person being forgiven. It lowers blood pressure, improves cardiovascular health and strengthens the immune system. This is not to mention the social benefits. People who forgive tend to have less depression, healthier relationships and stronger social networks. With forgiveness, what goes around most definitely comes around.

One way or another most of us aspire to a deeper level of forgiveness, whether its family members or politicians or colleagues. In a recent Gallup Poll, 94% of people surveyed said it was important to forgive. At the same time, only 48% of people said they usually try to forgive. Forgiveness is easier said than done. In the same poll, 85% said they could not forgive on their own and needed some outside help. Prayer did not rate highly in the study as being helpful for forgiveness. In fact only one thing correlated with effective forgiveness, and that was meditation.

What is the connection between forgiveness and meditation?

Seeing Surface Things for What They Are
Neil Douglas Klotz is a Sufi author who has written several books that seek to uncover the original, Aramaic, sense of the words of Jesus. This is how Douglas Klotz translates the famous forgiveness words of Jesus’ Lord’s Prayer-

“Loose the cords of mistakes binding us,
As we release the strands we hold of other’s guilt.
Don’t let surface things delude us,
But free us from what holds us back.”

The Lord’s Prayer comes alive when you allow the Aramaic of the original language to come through the words. Without forgiveness, you are held captive by surface things, like the immediate impression of things and events as being unfair or unjust. When you stop expecting the world to be perfect at the surface, forgiveness becomes a whole lot easier. When you stop expecting yourself not to make mistakes, you lighten up. When you stop expecting others to be perfect, you are freed from what holds you and others back. When you stop expecting life to be perfect, it becomes a much more peaceful experience. (Neil Douglas-Klotz The Hidden Gospel-Decoding the Spiritual Message of the Aramaic Jesus.)

Forgiveness and Consciousness
Forgiveness takes place in the human brain, the Cingulate Gyrus to be precise. Cingulate means belt in Latin. So you could think of Gyrus as the belt buckle, as it partially wraps around the Corpus Callosum. The Cingulate is an evolved feature of the mammalian brain. It functions as a clearing house for the subconscious mind, deciding which primal instincts are appropriate after assessing all the social evidence. The Cingulate also adjudicates when there is conflict between rational thinking and emotional responses. Think of the Cingulate as the belt around your consciousness. It functions in the brain a little like a mediator, as well as collector of sensory information about what is going on in other people and in events.

What’s this got to do with forgiveness? Research has shown that activity increases in the Cingulate (amongst other parts of the brain) during moments of forgiveness. The brain is hardwired for forgiveness, able to consider the other person’s intentions, their emotional state and the forgivability of their actions.

If the brain wasn’t so busy with competing demands and stories from the past, there would be more forgiveness because our brains would be free to do what they can do so well and so impersonally. That’s why meditation is such an effective tool for forgiveness. In meditation, you can train your mind to allow your highest consciousness to rule your life, rather than allowing your base survival instincts to rule your life.

Mark Nepo tells this story about forgiveness in “The Book of Awakening”:

A spiritual teacher grew tired of his student complaining, and so, one morning, sent him for some salt. When the student returned, the teacher instructed the unhappy young man to put a handful of salt in a glass of water and then to drink it.
“How does it taste?” the teacher asked.

“Bitter,” said the student.

The teacher chuckled and then asked the young man to take the same handful of salt and put it in the lake. The two walked in silence to the nearby lake, and once the student swirled his handful of salt in the water, the old man said, “Now drink from the lake.”

As the water dripped down the young man’s chin, the teacher asked, “How does it taste?”

“Fresh,” remarked the student.

“Do you taste the salt?” asked the teacher.

“No,” said the young man.

At this, the teacher said, “The pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less. The amount of pain in life remains the same, exactly the same. But the amount of bitterness we taste depends on the container we put the pain in. So when you are in pain, the only thing you can do is to enlarge your sense of things. . . . Stop being a glass. Become a lake.”

Bottom line? Loosen the belt of your consciousness. Stop expecting the world to match your expectations and become a lake of forgiveness. Absorb pain and injustice without becoming a bitter person. Come face to face with pain, your own and others, without becoming hostile.

Try this forgiveness exercise.

Say to yourself-

May I be at peace. May I be a lake of forgiveness. May I be truly happy.

Think of someone who has harmed you, or needs your forgiveness-

May you be at peace. May you be free from suffering. May you be free from pain. May you be happy.

Bring all the peoples of the world into your focus-

May the world be at peace. May it be free from suffering. May it be free from pain. May it be happy.

Finally, bring the Earth into your focus-

May she be at peace. May she be free from suffering. May she be free from pain. May she be happy.

As Marianne Williamson said, “The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world.”

Please visit Soulseeds for resources that inspire optimism, new perspective and forgiveness.