Mothers Day- The Source of Life

A pregnant woman boards a bus. After taking a seat, she notices a man smiling at her. She feels self-conscious and changes her seat, but he seems even more amused. She moves a third time, and he starts to giggle. On her fourth move, he bursts into hysterical laughter. They both get off the bus at the next stop. The pregnant woman is furious and demands an explanation. “What exactly is so funny?” ”I’m sorry, ma’am,” replies the giggling man. “But I couldn’t help noticing you’re pregnant, and when you first sat down, you sat under an advertisement which read ‘Coming Soon: Million Dollar Baby.’ Then you moved and sat under an ad that read ‘Sloan’s Liniments Remove Swelling.’ Then you moved under a deodorant advertisement which read ‘William’s Stick Did the Trick.’ And I just couldn’t hold it in any longer when you moved a fourth time and sat under a tire advertisement which read ‘Dunlop Rubber Would Have Prevented This Accident.’”

I’m going to risk a different sort of accident by writing about motherhood from a masculine perspective. This is probably unwise, as the general rule is “no uterus, no opinion.” My only right to an opinion is that I have had a front row seat watching an amazing Mom in action for 17 years now. It all began in 1994 with my frantic drive to the hospital. Then many hours later in the delivery room, it happened. Delivery doesn’t seem like an accurate word for what went down in that room. Delivery is what happens when your pizza arrives; within 30 minutes or no charge. This was altogether unlike welcoming a pizza boy at the door. Other words come to mind, but not delivery; words like intense, nerve-wracking, thrilling, and heart wrenching. There is screaming, laughter and tears all within the same breath, then the elation of a little human person in your arms.

I had the honor of cutting the chord. Now that was a heart stopping thing to do. It was hard for me to believe the nurse who said that it wouldn’t hurt either mother or child. I mean it was part of both of them. How could it not hurt? It made me a little squeamish. I asked if we could just leave them attached. It seemed safer. We wouldn’t lose him that way. Couldn’t we just raise him attached?

In all seriousness, being present for the birth of my three children is without doubt the greatest privilege and joy of my life. Words can’t accurately describe the elation of partnering the creation of new life. My heart danced with pride at the sight of Meg; blissfully exhausted. I can only imagine the feeling for a mother in that moment. It seems to me that mothers have an insight into some of the mysteries of life because of this experience, including a profound appreciation for the Source of Life…… by any name. These insights are universal truths that mothers may be able to help us all to understand.

Holding On and Letting Go
In the Susan Jeffer’s book End the Struggle and Dance with Life, an old woman is asked why she is always cheerful. Her answer is beautiful. “Well, I wear this world just as a loose garment.”

To wear the world as a loose garment means to embrace life with passion, but neither to smother it, nor be smothered by it. Wearing the world as a loose garment speaks of being at ease with what lies beneath, accepting life is it evolves, but not expecting it to stay the same. Wearing the world as a loose garment is a metaphor for holding the balance between embrace and detachment, intimacy and autonomy, the present moment and impermanence.

From the moment the cord is cut, mothers learn the delicate balance of holding on and letting go. It’s a profound spiritual truth that mirrors the mysterious relationship that we all have with the source of life, no matter what language or imagery we use to describe this mystery. The source of life and love is both tangible and concrete like a new born baby or an act of kindness, and it’s also mysterious and fluid like a new realization or a felt connection. Life is both something you can hold onto with passion, and also something that cannot be fully grasped or described. The lesson of motherhood that is a profound spiritual truth for all of us is to balance holding on to life, and also letting go so that you are free for new and evolving experience.

Birthing a New You
Marianne Williamson said- “When a woman gives birth, two are born; a baby from the womb of its mother and a woman from the womb of her former existence.”
Being a mother, in all its humanity, joy and frustration, is ultimately a celebration of a new you. You will never be the same after all this pain, all this loving, all this letting go. In each step on the path of motherhood, you are discovering the delight of awakening to the source of life that dances in and through you.

As a mother, you know what it is to feel such intense passion for your creation that you would stop at nothing to try and end your child’s suffering. As a mother, you know forgiveness like no other. As a mother, you celebrate the achievements of your child because you know better than others the struggle that often leads to success.

Most importantly, mothers know how changeable life is. You know what it is to shift your roles and relationships with your kids. This is such a profound lesson in impermanence. My grandmother died in 1994. At the time, Meg was full of the life of our first child. After the funeral for my grandma, my mother placed her hand on Meg’s pregnant stomach and said, “As one life passes, another begins.” I have never forgotten that moment as new life merged with transitioning life, four generations crossed paths for just a few precious moments.

Mother or not, you are birthing new life each and every day. Your new creations and achievements are dear to you like children. May you wear life like a loose garment, surrendering to the rhythm of the source of life. May you cut the cords that need to be cut, hold tight where appropriate and be wise to know the difference. May you let go, not palms down but palms up so that what you release can fly free. May you know, amidst all the disappointment and imperfection, that life has a unity even if you don’t always feel or understand that unity. All things are evolving as they need to, and you are learning what you need to learn. You are part of the mysterious unity that dances free and unrestrained in all things at all times. I honor all who give birth to life in every thought, word and action.

Putting Your Love Life in Perspective

“Doctor,” the embarrassed woman said, “I have a problem. My husband doesn’t excite me anymore. I’m worried there is something wrong with me.” “Mrs. Thomas, bring him back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do.”

The next day the worried man trailed behind his wife to the doctor’s office. “Take off your clothes, Mr. Thomas,” the medic said. “Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Ok, you may put your clothes back on.”

The doctor took the wife aside. “You’re in perfect health,” he said. “Your husband doesn’t excite me either.”

Are you looking for more excitement in your love life? Are you maybe looking for a more exciting way to think about your sexuality in general? Try thinking about sexuality in the broadest possible context. Sex is not just a good and enjoyable activity. Its part of your experience of God, or Spirit, or Universal Love or whatever words you use to describe the mysterious beauty that sources your life and passions. Sex with a loving partner is beautiful; both sex that is soft and soulful, and sex that is hot and steamy. Your body, all of it, is a doorway to sensual spirituality. Your relationships are gateways into that which is greater than all and yet still deeply present in each.

Are you ready to claim the full significance of your sexuality? Are you ready, in the words of Marianne Williamson, to “make love an art, and make love like artists”?

Your sensuality connects you with all species and with the evolution of life itself; fireflies pulse, houseflies flap, moths musk, fish dance, frogs croon, birds plume, mammals strut and preen. People aren’t much different. We whisper sweet, sensual nothings, raise inviting eyebrows, smile suggestive smiles, bat mysterious eyelids, and flirt with playful flair. Flirting is an evolutionary instinct. It’s one of the ways you hint at the possibility of new life. In other words, sexuality is a reminder that you are part of everything and its all pointing beyond itself to the miracle of evolving life.

The world needs more sex. We all need more sex. But not just any sex. Not all sexuality is healthy. We don’t need more commercial, egoic sex. Commercial sexuality that says you must be firmer, longer, larger, longer lasting, and more body perfect, might sell products but it doesn’t lead to a more fulfilling sex life. The media’s surreal parade of perfect bodies and skin-deep liaisons often encourages sexuality that is guilt ridden and competitive. We don’t need competition. We need sexuality that embodies the deepest human longing for connection; with self, with other and with all that is.

When sex is about ego, there is no bliss. Let’s face it. For most of us, there is an element of ego that creeps into sex- the need to perform, the craving to be affirmed, and the fantasies about being a hot Latin lover. When ego takes over, sex can very easily become a cause for self-limiting thoughts and scarcity. Turn the media’s version of sexuality around. Sex is not the search for something that is missing. Sex is the expression of something that has already been found! It’s not so much that you’ve fallen in love. It’s more that love has found you, taken you by the scruff of the heart and left you giddy with the miracle of being alive. Taking ego out of sex is not about taking yourself out of sex. If you truly see yourself with acceptance and truly understand your connection to your lover, you will fall in love and never stop falling.

Rid yourself of the shadow side of sexuality; repressed, needy, detached or abusive sexuality that can lead to so much suffering. Rid your mind of any negative thoughts about your body, and sexuality.

The Baal Shem Tov, a great Jewish master, once said, “When you get these bad thoughts, what’s bad about them is the garments that they’re in. If you take off the bad garments, you see the holy sparks behind them. And these are the ones that glitter in God’s crown.”

Try it out this Valentine’s Day or any other time. In sexual encounters, before taking off your clothes, try stripping away the garments of negative thoughts; unrealistic expectations and guilt, self-limiting beliefs and competitive thoughts. Seek sexuality that is more than skin deep, whether alone or with your partner. Embrace your body beyond the surface. Hold each other in divine embrace and all separation will melt away. Your sexuality connects you with lovers in all times and places. Your sexuality connects you with the source of love itself.

Please visit Soulseeds for many resources including Intimacy for Couples Affirmations.

The Power of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a lifelong challenge with few easy answers. We all have our enemies and unresolved tensions. A church pastor once asked his congregation if anyone had forgiven all their enemies. One lone hand shot up, an elderly lady.

“Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you?”
“Ninety-eight,” she replied.
The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.

“Mrs. Neely? Share your secret with the rest of us. How have you forgiven all your enemies?”
“I don’t have any,” She replied, smiling sweetly.

“Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?”
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said, “I outlived the lot of them.”

I guess time does heal wounds. The beautiful thing is that forgiveness equates to a longer and happier life. We tend to think that forgiveness only benefits the person being forgiven. However research has found that forgiveness is good for the person doing the forgiving as well as the person being forgiven. It lowers blood pressure, improves cardiovascular health and strengthens the immune system. This is not to mention the social benefits. People who forgive tend to have less depression, healthier relationships and stronger social networks. With forgiveness, what goes around most definitely comes around.

One way or another most of us aspire to a deeper level of forgiveness, whether its family members or politicians or colleagues. In a recent Gallup Poll, 94% of people surveyed said it was important to forgive. At the same time, only 48% of people said they usually try to forgive. Forgiveness is easier said than done. In the same poll, 85% said they could not forgive on their own and needed some outside help. Prayer did not rate highly in the study as being helpful for forgiveness. In fact only one thing correlated with effective forgiveness, and that was meditation.

What is the connection between forgiveness and meditation?

Seeing Surface Things for What They Are
Neil Douglas Klotz is a Sufi author who has written several books that seek to uncover the original, Aramaic, sense of the words of Jesus. This is how Douglas Klotz translates the famous forgiveness words of Jesus’ Lord’s Prayer-

“Loose the cords of mistakes binding us,
As we release the strands we hold of other’s guilt.
Don’t let surface things delude us,
But free us from what holds us back.”

The Lord’s Prayer comes alive when you allow the Aramaic of the original language to come through the words. Without forgiveness, you are held captive by surface things, like the immediate impression of things and events as being unfair or unjust. When you stop expecting the world to be perfect at the surface, forgiveness becomes a whole lot easier. When you stop expecting yourself not to make mistakes, you lighten up. When you stop expecting others to be perfect, you are freed from what holds you and others back. When you stop expecting life to be perfect, it becomes a much more peaceful experience. (Neil Douglas-Klotz The Hidden Gospel-Decoding the Spiritual Message of the Aramaic Jesus.)

Forgiveness and Consciousness
Forgiveness takes place in the human brain, the Cingulate Gyrus to be precise. Cingulate means belt in Latin. So you could think of Gyrus as the belt buckle, as it partially wraps around the Corpus Callosum. The Cingulate is an evolved feature of the mammalian brain. It functions as a clearing house for the subconscious mind, deciding which primal instincts are appropriate after assessing all the social evidence. The Cingulate also adjudicates when there is conflict between rational thinking and emotional responses. Think of the Cingulate as the belt around your consciousness. It functions in the brain a little like a mediator, as well as collector of sensory information about what is going on in other people and in events.

What’s this got to do with forgiveness? Research has shown that activity increases in the Cingulate (amongst other parts of the brain) during moments of forgiveness. The brain is hardwired for forgiveness, able to consider the other person’s intentions, their emotional state and the forgivability of their actions.

If the brain wasn’t so busy with competing demands and stories from the past, there would be more forgiveness because our brains would be free to do what they can do so well and so impersonally. That’s why meditation is such an effective tool for forgiveness. In meditation, you can train your mind to allow your highest consciousness to rule your life, rather than allowing your base survival instincts to rule your life.

Mark Nepo tells this story about forgiveness in “The Book of Awakening”:

A spiritual teacher grew tired of his student complaining, and so, one morning, sent him for some salt. When the student returned, the teacher instructed the unhappy young man to put a handful of salt in a glass of water and then to drink it.
“How does it taste?” the teacher asked.

“Bitter,” said the student.

The teacher chuckled and then asked the young man to take the same handful of salt and put it in the lake. The two walked in silence to the nearby lake, and once the student swirled his handful of salt in the water, the old man said, “Now drink from the lake.”

As the water dripped down the young man’s chin, the teacher asked, “How does it taste?”

“Fresh,” remarked the student.

“Do you taste the salt?” asked the teacher.

“No,” said the young man.

At this, the teacher said, “The pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less. The amount of pain in life remains the same, exactly the same. But the amount of bitterness we taste depends on the container we put the pain in. So when you are in pain, the only thing you can do is to enlarge your sense of things. . . . Stop being a glass. Become a lake.”

Bottom line? Loosen the belt of your consciousness. Stop expecting the world to match your expectations and become a lake of forgiveness. Absorb pain and injustice without becoming a bitter person. Come face to face with pain, your own and others, without becoming hostile.

Try this forgiveness exercise.

Say to yourself-

May I be at peace. May I be a lake of forgiveness. May I be truly happy.

Think of someone who has harmed you, or needs your forgiveness-

May you be at peace. May you be free from suffering. May you be free from pain. May you be happy.

Bring all the peoples of the world into your focus-

May the world be at peace. May it be free from suffering. May it be free from pain. May it be happy.

Finally, bring the Earth into your focus-

May she be at peace. May she be free from suffering. May she be free from pain. May she be happy.

As Marianne Williamson said, “The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world.”

Please visit Soulseeds for resources that inspire optimism, new perspective and forgiveness.

Invitation To LIfe- RSVP by Being More Yourself

Harvey Milk was the first openly gay man to hold public office in a major American city. The day after his election in 1977, he said, “If I turned around every time somebody called me a faggot, I’d be walking backward – and I don’t want to walk backward.” What an inspirational thought! None of us want to walk backward, or live in the rear vision mirror, or kowtow to other peoples’ expectations and prejudice. Life is too short and the invitation to authenticity is too compelling to walk anything other than your own chosen path.

Milk had his own style and flair and refused to hide an important part of who he was. He felt that keeping his sexuality secret gave power to those people who denied others their basic human dignity and rights. He went public and urged others to go public so that they could manifest their own divine light. He was one of the great social snowballers, who by sheer determination and charisma, gathered freedom partners as he rolled from opportunity to opportunity.

Milk was shot dead by one of his colleagues, an anti-gay Catholic. The eulogy at Milk’s funeral was given by an openly gay Rabbi. He said in his eulogy that Milk came to synagogue to get votes, not to pray. Maybe getting votes was his way of praying as he was on a sacred mission, a la Moses, to liberate the LGBT community from the chains of oppression.

It’s especially tragic when homophobia comes from the religious community. Authenticity is a universal spiritual principle. To paraphrase a famous Jewish proverb, when you reach the next world, God will not ask you, “Why were you not like Moses?” Instead the question will be, “Why were you not more yourself?” Jesus described it as letting your light shine and not hiding this light under a bushel.
Milk is an inspiration to all of us, gay or straight, to live more authentically and passionately. Whether the issue is sexuality or some aspect of your personality that is suppressed or a vision that lies dormant, we all want to live liberated lives. We want to live the power of choice.

Coming out is a choice. Sexuality is not a choice in much the same way that people don’t choose hair color or height. However coming out is definitely a choice and it’s a powerful choice. Like all choices, there are risks and pitfalls. But the risk to remain hidden and suppressed is far greater. Coming out in your sexuality is part of fulfilling your true potential as a human being.

The way to be all that you can be is to be more yourself. When you are boldly and confidently yourself, you are not only happier but you shine a brighter light in the world. The world needs more people who are “out” in every way.

In the words of Marianne Williamson, “Who are you not to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. You are meant to shine, as children do. You were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within you. It’s not just in some; it’s in everyone. And as you let your own light shine, you unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As you are liberated from your own fear, your presence automatically liberates others.” (Marianne Williamson, A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles)

What new freedom is beckoning you at this time in your life? How are you letting your light shine with greater clarity and radiance? What powerful choice is presenting itself to you? What seed of possibility are you being called to cultivate, to nurture and bring to new life at this time? Come out. Come out. Whoever you are. Wherever you are. However you need to do it. You know what you need to do. The path may not be easy and it probably won’t be straight and narrow. But don’t look back and don’t walk backward. The rewards of facing your future head on and stepping into authenticity far outweigh any fear. In the words of Harvey Milk, “Hope will never be silent.”

Ps- please stop by Soulseeds to look at the Coming Out affirmations. These affirmations were written in consultation with people who have come out, and make a great gift for friends or family members who have come out.

Can you be Good without God?

Let’s say that an unnamed Miss California contestant suffers a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she has a near death experience. Seeing God, she asks,
'Is my time up?'

God says, 'No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.'

Upon recovery, the woman decides to stay in the hospital and celebrate her survival. She has a face-lift, lip enhancement, boob job, lipo-suction, and tummy tuck.

After her last operation, she is released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she is hit and killed by a car.

Arriving in front of God, she demands, 'I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me out of the path of the car?'

God replies,

'I’m sorry, but I didn't even recognize you!'

In this new era of spiritual freedom, people in and out of church are doing free form surgery on their beliefs. You might call them faith lifts. When I was in Melbourne last year, a church displayed a sign out front that said, “The Ten Commandments- One of the Most Negative Documents Ever Written.”

This raises some questions about what happens to morality, if it’s not anchored in specific, unchanging religious commandments. Are people doing their own morality enhancements?

The classic question asked is, “Can you be good without God?” It’s a meaningless question because there are as many definitions of good and God as there are people. Maybe a more fruitful question is, “Is God recognizable in your life and actions?”

Maybe that would avoid a lot of the religious rivalry that takes place over whose God is more powerful. More importantly, it might offer a motivation for morality that is intrinsic and impassioned. A person’s morality would not be measured by her interpretation of ancient revelations of God, such as whether God ordained marriage to be exclusively between a man and a woman. Rather, a person’s morality would be measured by the quality of his life and character.

Is society less moral without religion?
There is no evidence for a loss of morality in an increasingly spiritual but not religious world. On the contrary, there are some extraordinary examples of non religious morality. Who would question the philanthropy of well known agnostics like Bill Gates, George Soros and Warren Buffet? It’s hard to fault the morality of well known non religious leaders such as Nelson Mandela and Bono. The integrity of significant spiritual but not religious teachers such as Marianne Williamson and Deepak Chopra is unquestioned.

When I think of these leaders, I see in them what I aspire to as divine qualities. I recognize God in their service and generosity.

Can You be Good With God?

There are some problems with grounding morality in an ancient, fixed understanding of God.

1. Which God are you talking about?
For example, the God portrayed in the Old Testament seems quite amoral. Richard Dawkins wrote about this God in The God Delusion- “The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully.”

2. Morality is rarely black and white.
“God said it. I believe it. That settles it” is a bumper sticker mantra for those who find absolute moral standards in the Bible. If the Bible clashes with your own common sense, you are still required to follow its commandments by faith. The problem is that the Bible has contradictory moral statements. If you have time and interest compare Exodus 3;21-22 where robbery is commanded, and Leviticus 19;13 where robbery is forbidden. There are many such examples; lying, slavery and killing to name a few.

Life isn’t a Garden of Eden, and life’s choices are rarely signposted like the tree of good and evil. The genius of the Bible is not an absolute moral code, but the situational ethic of the Sermon on the Mount, where you are encouraged to act in a way that is most loving in your context.

Belief or Experience?

Recently I spoke to a group of College students about belief in God. The focus of their syllabus had been morality, so that was where the conversation veered. Many in the group felt that belief in God was a necessity for moral grounding. I stated my case that the choice as to whether you believe in God or not may be a philosophical cul-de-sac. The more fruitful conversation might be around experience rather than belief.

Consider the example of a red rose. On one extreme, someone might believe a red rose is literally love. On the other extreme, someone might believe a red rose is not love, and therefore love does not exist! The massive grey zone in between evokes an experience of the red rose as part of the artistry of love. The experience of beauty fills you with wonder, and it draws out of you a powerful urge to share love with others. This is what many people speak of as an experience of God.

Where is Morality Grounded?

The church has often tried to scare the hell out of people. The focus doesn’t have to be fear based. It can be grounded in love and service. Maybe this is why many religious traditions measure morality by how you treat you “neighbor”. The neighbor is intentionally undefined. It is whoever enters your consciousness in a given moment. Images such as neighbor and red rose offer a grounding for morality as they draw your attention away from self and onto a beauty that passes complete rational understanding. You might even say that you recognize what many call God in your neighbor or a red rose.

I heard a story that captures beautifully the notion of grounding morality in a common focus. On a beach in the Galapagos Islands there is a barrel which has been used as a mailbox for over a century, originally by sailors and now by tourists. Many who visit the beach leave an addressed post card or letter in the barrel, and then take mail out of the barrel to send on a gradual journey to its destination.

The mail system has its own unwritten code of decency. There are no rules posted on the barrel, no mail box commandments. There are no punishments for non participation and no material rewards for participation. Most tourists will never return to the mailbox, and no one is checking anyway. The mailbox survives, decade after decade, and almost every visitor leaves a letter and forwards another one. The mailbox succeeds because it appeals to people’s sense of global community. People WANT to participate in the process and feel a part of it. It is the idea of the mailbox which creates the desire for cooperation.

Maybe that’s part of what it means to recognize God; whether in neighbor or mailbox, red rose or philanthropic foundation. You recognize within yourself a desire to be part of something larger than yourself. You recognize in something outside of yourself a wonderful connection.

So as you continue on your own process of cosmetic belief surgery, how will you measure your new look? Is God recognizable in your life and actions? As Mary Oliver said, “You don’t have to be good. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.” May you know the incredible joy of loving and serving your neighbor, and may your life be one of the ways that the world becomes a more decent place.