Love By Numbers

The most common metaphor for unity is oneness. We talk about being one with God, one with the world, one with yourself, one with your lover, one with nature, one with reality or if you are buying a hot dog one with the lot. And don’t expect any change, because that of course comes from within.

Oneness is a beautiful metaphor for unity. The ancient Hindu scriptures, The Upanishads, tell a story that describes the metaphor of oneness.

The sage Uddalaka teaches his son about Brahman (God):
Father- Put some salt in this water and bring it to me in the morning.
[The son stirs salt into the water. The next morning, he brings the water to Uddalaka.]
Father- Fetch me the salt that you put there yesterday.
Son- I cannot, father. It is dissolved.
Father- Then take a sip from the edge of it. What is there?
Son- Salt.
Father- Take a sip from the middle. What is there?
Son- Salt.
Father- Take a sip from the far edge. What is there?
Son- Salt. It is always the same.
Father- That which you cannot grasp, but can taste in every drop, That is the Real. That is atman (the spirit). That art thou, my son. Upanishad 6.12-13

In other word the foundation for unity is that everything is connected when you strip it back to its essence. Any feeling you have that you are separate; separate from other people, disconnected from parts of yourself, apart from reality in any way, is an illusion. You have simply built barriers to the true experience of unity, and as you strip away these barriers you return to the true nature of the way things are. This is what reality tastes like before you add the seasoning of years of drama and self protection.

With unity as a foundation, we can cross the boundaries that separate us as couples, as communities, as religions, as species etc. Two people who are very different, or who are struggling with a very complex conflict, can agree to disagree because there is something more basic in common. This might be called love or peace or unity in diversity.

This is where the numbers get interesting. Oneness is one half of the equation. It’s wholly true, but still only one side of the coin called unity. The other half is diversity which is the basis for each part of the whole remaining distinct and unique. Salt is still salt, even if it is indistinguishable from the water. This is one of the amazing miracles of nature that I learnt again while doing a science experiment with my 8 year old. Salt in water does NOT create a chemical reaction that creates a new substance. Salt in water retains its saltiness, that is sodium and chloride. In water the sodium and chloride are pulled apart by the water. But if you remove the water, the sodium and chloride reunite like long lost lovers.

This is the point- salt water is all three things; salt, water AND salt water. You are a distinct and unique person AND you are part of many relationships, communities, genders, etc AND you are part of the sum total of all things, all at the same time. This is an important truth. You don’t leave yourself behind by joining with another. You just create an amazing triangle. And I don’t mean the triangle that Bohemians who live in village squares create. I mean the triangle (or trinity) of you, your relationship and the sum total of the relationship with is greater than each but still profoundly present in each.

It’s all in the numbers. It’s the sacred geometry of trust, the fractals of forgiveness, the golden ratio of love, the physics of unity. We aim for whole numbers as best we can, but because we are frail humans with egos and insecurities, we accept fractions. It’s like it says in the book “I Love Fractions" by Lois T. Denominator.

It’s great to aim for oneness, but if you can’t quite get there then settle for fractions and let that be a spring board for progress. If you can’t quite forgive your enemies and become one with them, become half with them. If you can’t even get close to being one with Hitler or Mubarak or whoever it is, become a quarter with them or whatever you can do at the time. Most importantly if you can’t fully accept and become one with yourself, then accept part of yourself. Let that partial acceptance blossom into ever increasing joy.

Learn to love the fractions, and wholeness will come a whole lot closer. If you can’t forgive all your enemies, forgive some of them. If you can’t forgive all of your faults, forgive some of them. If you can’t trust your partner all of the way, then forgive your partner with small things and let trust grow. Trust, empathy, forgiveness, understanding, even love itself, are all a process and a journey. Don’t let the metaphor of oneness become a cause for guilt and disappointment. Break oneness down into manageable parts and create a Fibonacci sequence of love and acceptance that will have mathematicians scrambling for their calculators. It’s all unfolding in perfect patterns of mysterious and deliciously unpredictable order. For in the end love has no formula. As the Bengali poet Rabindranath Tagore said, “I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times, in life after life, in age after age forever.”

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Unity in Diversity

“Multiplicity without unity is chaos; unity without multiplicity is tyranny.” Blaise Pascal

Unity requires the deft balance of a tight rope walker. If you tip one way, you end up wishy washy and pliable, terrified of conflict and unable to take a stand. If you tip the other way, you end up hard and inflexible, terrified of diversity and unable to bend your perspective. Somewhere in the middle, with the pole of discernment held firm, rests unity. Herein lies the delicate balance between self expression and social harmony, individualism and diversity, your own convictions and other people’s insights.

Maybe you have, on occasion, had to discern when to stand alone on principle and when to find common ground for the sake of a group or relationship. Anyone who has coordinated a group of free thinkers knows the challenge. It can be like pushing frogs in a wheelbarrow.

Rabbi Bloom was conducting his first service at one of London’s oldest synagogues. All was going well until he got to the prayers, and half his congregation stood up. Those still seated started yelling ‘sit down’ to those standing and those standing started yelling ‘stand up’ to those sitting. Although Rabbi Bloom was knowledgeable, he didn’t know what to do. He thought it must be something to do with the synagogue’s tradition.
After the service, Rabbi Bloom consulted Abe, the synagogue’s oldest member. "I need to know, Abe, what the synagogue’s tradition is with regard to the prayer. Is the tradition to stand during this prayer?"
Abe replied, "No, that is not the tradition."
"So the tradition is to sit during prayers?" said Rabbi Bloom.
Abe replied, "No, that is not the tradition."
"But," said Rabbi Bloom, "my congregation is impossible. They yell at each other about whether they should sit or stand and ..."
Abe interrupted, exclaiming, "Aha, THAT is the tradition!"

Now that’s my sort of congregation. I’d rather herd cats than lead sheep. All that bleating and conformity is unoriginal and uninspiring. I’ll take the unbridled freedom of frogs in a wheelbarrow any day. Religion, which you would expect to bring tolerance and respect to the table, seems to be one of the greatest impediments to unity. Catholics and Protestants battled for decades in Northern Ireland and now have an uneasy peace. Hostility between Jews, Muslims and Christians in The Middle East continues with no end in sight. Centuries old disputes between Hindus and Muslims continue in South Asia. This is just a sample of the multitude of religious wars that devastate the world.

If war is an impediment to unity, peace is only a stepping stone. There may be an uneasy peace in Ireland, but it is more tolerance than it is a celebration of diversity, more accommodation than it is unity. Until the relationship between Britain and Ireland is clarified unity will be fragile. Until Ireland is truly independent, and her unity includes political, social, cultural and economic equality, the work is not done.

Unity is not to be confused with uniformity. Equality is not to be confused with sameness. Unity celebrates the core differences and works towards a common purpose. It doesn’t drown difference in a sea of conformity. Unity is a tough act to pull off. It can sometimes be a justification for not rocking the boat. Unity that compromises principles and core values is dull, insipid, and largely irrelevant. This sort of unity will eventually destroy vision, not to mention break your spirit. Mahatma Gandhi did more for unity than most. Even he said, "Performance of one's duties should be independent of public opinion."

Unity is not something that can be enforced. It is by nature a persuasive energy rather than a coercive force. If unity is legislated, it can fragment groups who are unable to toe the line but may have some essential wisdom for the whole. The Norwegian playwright Henrik Ibsen wrote, "The majority is never right. Never, I tell you!" His argument was that the majority of people are fools, so the majority can’t be right. I have more faith in the majority than Ibsen, but he raises a fair point. Unity doesn’t necessarily mean that the majority are right. Unity, at its best, holds in balance personal freedom and social order. There are churches that refuse to allow gay and lesbian leaders for the sake of unity. This is fear masquerading as unity.

Diversity is the essence of humanity. There is an ancient Jewish saying that 'When a human being makes many coins in the same mint, they are all the same. God makes every person in the same image, God’s image - and they are each different.' The challenge is to see God's image in one who is not in your image. Unity is the celebration of common humanity in the midst of great diversity. Diversity is unity working itself out in a community of respect.

Osho said, “Divided you suffer; united, you dance, you sing, you celebrate.” I say yes to this if unity is oneness that doesn’t squash diversity. Jesus described this as a vine with many branches. They are all part of the one vine but at the same time they are distinct and diverse. Stand by your truth as one amongst many truths. You have a perfect, partial and passionate truth. So stand up and be counted. Just don’t be dogmatic or else you might fall off the tight rope.

Here are some affirmation seeds related to unity. You can find more affirmation seeds at http://www.soulseedz.com

Seed of Unity

Unity requires the deft balance of a tight rope walker. If you tip one way, you end up wishy-washy, unable to take a stand. If you tip the other way, you end up inflexible, unable to bend your perspective. Somewhere in the middle, with the pole of discernment held firm, lies the delicate balance between individualism and diversity.

Say to yourself: I am secure in who I am. I know when to stand alone and when to support community.

Seed of Community
Everyone you meet is part of a circle, a symbol of connection and equality. The circle is always able to grow and expand to include new people without losing its shape. May you celebrate your circle of friends as a beautiful unity without uniformity. May you be open to new friendships, and show gratitude to an old friend today.

Say to yourself; I am part of a beautiful circle of companions

Unity in Diversity

“Multiplicity without unity is chaos; unity without multiplicity is tyranny.” Blaise Pascal

Everybody loves unity. How could you not? But what do we mean by unity, and do we seek unity at any cost? Unity can sometimes be a justification for uniformity. That is a dull form of unity that sucks the humanity and creative freedom out of life.

Unity can sometimes be a justification for conflict avoidance. I sometimes felt in the Anglican Church that unity was code for “lets not rock the boat.” As Bishop Spong says, “the church may die from boredom, but it won’t die from controversy.” Unity that compromises principles and core values is unity that will eventually destroy vision.

The third danger with unity is fragmentation. If unity is legislated, it can fragment groups who are unable to toe the line. Even “minorities of one” can be marginalized by this form of unity. Unity needs to hold in balance personal freedom and social order.

Unity in diversity is the healthiest form of unity. It looks something like this.
Unity in diversity- Unity without uniformity
Unity with truth- Unity without defensiveness
Unity with dialogue- Unity without fragmentation

In my sermon on unity, I attempted to outline the case for unity in diversity. Unity begins with a healthy sense of self, and proceeds to a sense of self in comm-unity with all that is. I used the example of Gandhi as the greatest example of unity in diversity. Last week’s Inauguration was a beautiful symbol of unity in diversity, and a call to the work of unity that all of us need to take responsibility for.

I didn’t include this quote in the sermon, but find it quite a beautiful expression of unity in diversity-
“…the individual effort to compose a life, framed by birth and death and carefully pieced together from disparate elements, becomes a statement on the unity of living. These works of art, still incomplete, are parables in process, the living metaphors with which we describe the world.” Composing a Life, by Mary Catherine Bateson