Getting Ego Out of Intentions

This article first appeared on Soulseeds where I post several times a week.

Yesterday I rode 50 miles on my bike to watch an Australian rugby team beat a New Zealand rugby team. Not that there’s any rivalry between Aussies and Kiwis :). But it was a glorious day and made extra special by being with the only Kiwi I know in America. Isn’t it funny the way we feel some sort of pride when our team wins? As if I was on the field……

Just in case my head swelled too much to fit into my helmet, I was brought back down to earth with a thud on the ride. I thought I was doing pretty well until an 80 year old man pedaled past me like a streak of light. He was pulling two kids in a buggy behind his bike, and they were stopping at garage sales along Lakeshore Drive. Every time they stopped at a sale, I rode past thinking to myself, “How do you like me now old timer?” Sure enough a mile or two down the road, he flew past me again, now with dolls houses and scooters from the sale piled on top of the kids in the buggy. It was my ride on the inner roller coaster called “Ego”. This was supposed to be a relaxing ride on a beautiful summer’s day and a nice time with friends. That was my intention. But a tiny word with a massively sinister plot threatened my enjoyment until I realized what was going on.

Intentions are so much more powerful and effective when you are aware of the role of ego. This is part 4 in a series of articles on intentions. First I described the power of visualizing an end that excites you and then working backwards to make it happen. Then I wrote about perseverance, where you find whatever resources you need to continue moving towards your vision and no matter what the obstacles you keep going. Third, I wrote about creative inspiration when you tap into a power that is within and around you with effortless effort. Now I want to take the conversation a little further by looking at the role of ego in setting intentions.

What the world needs now, at this troubled time, is for many people to step up with bold intentions that serve the common good. Too much of what we see right now is ego driven. The news about Rupert Murdoch closing down his News of the World paper is an example of egotistical intentions catching up with a business. His intention to run a media empire of epic proportions led him to compromise acceptable standards of ethics and stoop to hacking into private voice mail systems, a strategy that interfered with the investigations of missing children. What began as a worthy intention, ie to inform the public, was hijacked by ego and led astray by an insatiable desire for power and profit.

Modern day capitalism is a brilliant and worthy intention. In itself it is not egotistical. It supports economies and efficiencies that have the ability to create common wealth and serve the common good. But when ego takes over, in the guise of an insatiable desire for size and power, capitalism becomes a destructive force; industries fix prices, companies avoid tax, bribe officials and control the outcome of elections. In these cases, ego gets in the way of the intention of running an efficient and profitable business and comes back to haunt all of us; such as banks that have to be bailed out because their collapse would destabilize global systems.

It happens at an individual level as well. The desire for control in relationships is insatiable. When one person sets the intention to get what they can from a relationship or a work colleague, no matter what they have to do to get it, it becomes destructive.

There are other subtle ways that ego infiltrates intentions. Setting intentions based on prestige or appearance is another example of the ego’s insatiable desire for importance. If you desire more money or prestige because you think it will complete you as a person, this is a trick of the ego. Ego says, “If only I have this amount of money, this property, or this partner I will be happy.” You need to turn this sentence around for healthy intentions. Once I get happy with who I am right now, then I will start manifesting my highest intentions.

Healthy intentions follow the golden rule. If you are looking for more money, then be more generous and participate in the easy flow of money. If you are looking for more acknowledgment, then acknowledge others and participate in the easy flow of praise or encouragement or positivity. Whatever you are looking for in life, start by giving to others and you will avoid ego’s traps.

Enough of the ego driven intentions. We’ve had enough destructive intention, enough corruption, enough violence- enough EGO. Whether it’s the imperial intentions of media magnates or the personal intentions of individuals like you and me, the world is crying out for intentions that serve the common good. The first step is to ask some questions of your intentions. Shine some light on them to see why they are important and who they are serving.

The Motivation for Intentions

We get some clues about this from the world of super heroes. My favorite super hero has always been Wonder Woman and not just because of her star spangled spandex speedoes. She was a ground breaker, bringing women into the super hero realm and paving the way for Zena Princess Warrior and Lara Croft and others. One of Wonder Woman’s secret weapons was her Golden Lasso, an unbreakable rope that corrals the truth of out of people like a cattle herder. When her mother gave her the Goden Lasso, she said,

This is the Golden Lasso. Besides being made from an indestructible material, it also carries with it the power to compel people to tell the truth. Use it well, and with compassion.

Maybe in the past you were taught that God is like a cowboy in the sky, ready to lasso you if you slip up and bring you back into line. God as John Wayne or Gene Audrey, and you as the cattle. That’s not what I’m talking about. The Golden Lasso is a personal thing. It’s also known as your conscience. Swing it round in your mind and consciousness like a lasso and it can garner all the inner truth you need. Use it well and with compassion.

The Golden Lasso is the foundation of the Golden Rule. Once you realize at a deep level the truth that you are one with others, you transcend the ego’s delusion of separateness and set intentions that benefit everyone involved. The Golden Rule becomes completely natural and effortless.

Lasso the truth of your intentions’ motivations. Are they self serving, or do they take into account the broadest circle of concerns possible? Be truthful with yourself, listen to your inner motivations, and act on your highest intentions that come from a place of self awareness and an authentic desire to see the world change for the better.

Healthy Sense of Self

When you set intentions, the point is not to remove your ego. The point is to have a healthy sense of self. Zen master, Shunryu Suzuki said, “How much "ego" do you need? Just enough so that you don't step in front of a bus.” That’s a good starting point, but I think we need more ego than that. You need enough ego to get out of bed in the morning. You need enough ego to believe that you can make a difference in the world and you need enough ego to trust that you have a unique calling in the world.

Where ego becomes a problem is when it tries to convince you that you are a self made person, separate from all others and that your actions don’t impact others. You aren’t a self made person. You are made up of all sorts of other people. Ego becomes a problem when it convinces you that your intentions are more important than other people’s intentions, or that your intentions don’t affect other people.

I remember being in a prayer meeting in rural Australia many years ago. Someone in the group prayed for a dry day so that they could enjoy their family picnic. This was in drought stricken territory where another dry day would mean the loss of another farm. This is an example of an egotistical intention.

A more extreme example was something I heard about after the Columbine shootings in 1999. It was a chain email written by a girl who was in the school on the day of the shooting. Even though she was in the firing line, miraculously bullets sprayed around her and she was not shot. She claimed it was because she was part of a prayer group which met in the school and as the shooters moved around the school she was praying for protection. If her assessment was correct, this would mean that God caused the same bullets which narrowly missed her to, in turn, hit and kill 13 other teenagers.

However you understand God, it makes no sense to me that God would play Russian roulette with people’s lives choosing for some people to be saved while others die. However you understand the universe of intentions, it’s egotistical to set intentions that don’t include the widest group possible. The universal field of intentions wants good for everyone, even if we don’t always understand the timing or unfolding of events in our life. Regardless of your perspective on the cause and origin of intentions, set intentions that serve the greatest good for the greatest number.

It’s Not All About You

When it comes to setting healthy intentions, it is always about more than yourself. Occasionally I play a game with the kids when I drive them to school. We set the intention to drive all the way to the school without stopping. There is only one rule- it has to be legal. This sometimes involves slowing down well before a red light so that it changes before we get there. Everyone in the car is literally on the edge of their seats.

There is one flaw in the game, and it’s an important truth that relates to setting intentions. There are OTHER people on the road. If you set intentions that ignore other people, you are likely to end up in a car wreck. There are things you can’t control, like traffic lights and other people’s actions. Set intentions that include as many stakeholders as possible. Don’t play Russian roulette with other people by setting mindless intentions.

What this means in practice is that if you set intentions that disregard the people around you, it will end in disaster. It also means that if you are in a relationship where one partner is setting healthy intentions and the other person is not participating, it won’t work. If you have the most awesome intentions and strategies for parenting, but your kids are not participating, it won’t work. The right idea at the wrong time won’t work. The wrong idea at any time won’t work.

Set healthy intentions that take into account true empowerment for as many people as possible. Begin with your own motivations.

Bold Intentions For the Good of Humanity

I’ve given plenty of examples that describe intentions wrapped in ego. Let me end with a wonderful example of intentions that include a healthy sense of self. The more I understand of the life of Betty Ford who passed away this past week, the more impressed I am. She was a true super hero in the mould of Wonder Woman. After dealing with her own demons, she set the intention to make a difference in other people’s lives. You would think that having the highest profile drug and alcohol treatment center in the country named after you might be an ego trip.

On the contrary, apparently she agreed to her name being associated only reluctantly. In fact, it was a matter of accountability for her. She said this, “The center's name has been burden, as well as honor. Because even if nobody else holds me responsible, I hold myself responsible."

I like to believe that so many people have been helped by Betty Ford and her treatment center because she set healthy intentions to begin with, and did so with a healthy sense of self and a desire to genuinely empower people in their recovery just as she was empowered.

What are your bold intentions for yourself and the world? Whether you set large scale intentions like treatment centers or whether it’s the intention to live in more peaceful relationships or the personal intention to live with greater balance, get your ego out of the way and get on with the business of being the change you want to see in the world. Participate in the raising of a global intention, galvanizing the collective power of millions of kindred spirits, to bring healing to the world, one person, one community and one nation at a time. There is an abundance of the resources that matter most. Together we have the power to transform entire systems for the greater good of all of humanity, for generations to come.

Creative Inspiration

This piece first appeared on my blog at Soulseeds, where I post several times a week.

Over the last few weeks I’ve been exploring some of the key features of intention; whether it relates to a relationship, career, goal or vision. This is the third in the series.

First I wrote about the power of intention, where you visualize an end point and work backwards, best described by Michelangelo who said about his masterpiece the Statue of David: “I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.” The second week I spoke about perseverance, intention’s close companion. When you are truly jazzed by your vision of the future, you hustle to make it happen. You do what it takes, trying things, being willing to fall down, get back up and push through any number of obstacles to get where you want to be.

I had a vague idea where I wanted to take this next, but it wasn’t clear and I struggled to find clarity. If I had been been using a typewriter there would have been scrunched up paper flying around the room, the pile of paper rubble a reminder of my frustrating cognitive cul de sac. My stream of consciousness had dried to a trickle. All I had was the one word “creativity” but no idea why this word was significant. Finally, after struggling for several days, it all fell into place like the last pieces of a jigsaw puzzle while I was riding my bike. Eureka! The third topic is inspiration, the counterpart to perseverance. Alongside the need for effort, I add the role of effortless effort. Suddenly all my ideas fell into place easily. I completed the piece in about 30 minutes.

Here’s a question as it relates to the theme? How long did it take to write this article- 30 minutes or 3 days? When did the preparation begin- 3 days before or a lifetime ago? Maybe everything that has ever happened leads to this moment and falls together in this theme. And who wrote the article? Well I put the pieces together but whole networks of people conspired to make it possible. That is the awesome power of inspiration. You are not alone. You don’t have to do it all yourself. All you need to do is tap into the limitless power that is within and around you all the time, and let it flow.

Inspiration- Where Does It Come From?
On the one hand, most of life’s great achievements come about through determined, hard work. For example, world famous Cellist, Pablo Casals practiced every day for 4 hours. Someone once asked him, 'Mister Casals, you are a master, you have accomplished so much. Why do you keep practicing four hours a day even though you are 93 years old?' He said, 'Well, I'm finally beginning to notice some improvement.' Legend has it that he even completed his daily regimen of scales on the morning that he died. So on the one hand, Casals is an example of the truth of persistent, hard work.

On the other hand, some of life’s great achievements appear effortless. You hear of people who sit down and write whole books in a matter of days or weeks as if the words are dropping straight from the sky into their brains and from there to their fingers and screen. The great composer, Handel, composed The Messiah in three weeks without leaving his house. Another composer, Mozart, said that his music often presented itself to his imagination as if from nowhere. He had no choice but to stop what he was doing and write the music down. It was as if something beyond his own consciousness was writing his symphonies.

So which is it? Is true inspiration effortless or hard work? Maybe it’s both at the same time. The playwright, Arthur Miller was once asked in an interview, “Are you writing another play?" His answer was brilliant. He said, "I don't know, but I probably am."

Are you working on something brilliant and inspirational right now? Probably. When did it start? At the beginning of time. Who are you working with? All the creative energy that exists. The philosopher Daniel Dennett once posed the question,

How long did it take Bach to create the St Matthew’s Passion? An early version was performed in 1727 but the version we listen to today dates from ten years later and includes many revisions. How long did it take to create Bach? He had the benefit of 42 years of living when the first version was heard and more than half a century when the later version was completed. How long did it take to create Christianity without which St Matthews Passion by Back or anyone else would be inconceivable? About two millennia. How long did it take to create the social and cultural context in which Christianity could be born? Somewhere between a hundred millennia and 3 million years depending on when we decide to date the birth of human culture. And how long did it take to create homo sapiens? Between three and four billion years, roughly the same length of time it took to create daisies and snail darters, blue whales and spotted owls. Billions of years of irreplaceable design work.

The counterpart to attaining your intentions through perseverance is to tap into the energy of inspiration that is already there and just waiting for you. You just haven’t connected to it yet. You can understand that in a very logical and systematic way like Daniel Dennett because everything is constantly being created whether you realize it or not, or you can think of it in more of a synchronistic way like Wayne Dyer who said, “It's the difference between motivation and inspiration. Motivation is when you get hold of an idea and don't let go of it until you make it a reality. Inspiration is the reverse- when an idea gets hold of you and you feel compelled to let that impulse or energy carry you along. You get to a point where you realize that you're no longer in charge, that there's a driving force inside you that can't be stopped.”

You know this experience. It happens at moments of surrender, maybe after some resistance or struggle. You stop the struggle and move with intuition. Maybe you surrender to new love or a new opportunity. It doesn’t necessarily make logical sense at the time, but you jump anyway. It’s inspired. It feels fateful, like it was meant to be and all you do is hold on for the ride.

Creative Energy is Playful
One of the ways to remind yourself that there is a field of intention, or collective genius, or however you describe the latent powers around you, is to remember that creative energy is playful. One of my favorite comedians, Ricky Gervais, does a satire on reading the Genesis creation story literally and in particular the creation of light.

God created the heaven and the earth….. IN THE DARK. How good is that? I would have created a little bit of light, then taken a look and said, “Right, I need some planets.”

He went, “Zap. That’s everything. Now let’s have a look. Brilliant! Then He made man out of dust…. just because he could.”

Compared to a lot of violent creation myths, the Genesis creation story has a certain playfulness about it. For a start it all happens out of God’s nostrils. If you look at your nostrils in the mirror for long enough, you have to laugh. They are funny looking things, not the most dignified part of the human anatomy and not the first part of the body you associate with the creation of the universe. Yet the story says that all of life emanated from the nostrils of God. Psalm 104 described the creator “stretching out the heavens like a tent.” You have to have a sense of fun to parallel the creation of the universe with pitching a tent. All I can say is that we’re very lucky that I wasn’t the creator. If you had seen some of the tents I’ve pitched in my time. The universe would be collapsing back in on all of us in the middle of a rainy night. Creative energy manifests intentions out of raw imagination and whatever resources are available at the time. Inspiration doesn’t have to be grand. It can be real and fun.

The value in bringing playfulness into your intentions is captured in the Chinese phrase Wu Wei. I think of it as “get out of wu wei, or get out of your own way.” Wu Wei means effortless effort.

Blossoms like a flower, flows like a river, reaches like a tree.

Wu wei is like water. You get in the flow, get out of the way of your own limiting voice of doubt, and enjoy the journey. This is an important principle in setting intentions. You want to keep your eyes open, and keep looking around, but you don’t want to overlook your intuitive insight.

I learnt this lesson when I was in England for my brother’s wedding. In good English tradition we shot clay pigeons on the morning of the wedding. It turns out that when it comes to shooting, I’m about as accurate as Dick Cheney. The instructor kept saying, “Don’t think about it. Just shoot.” He was right. See it and shoot. Don’t think about. See it and shoot. It’s tempting to second guess yourself and shoot where you think its going. Every time I second guessed myself and waited, I missed. Every time I followed my instincts and shot immediately I hit it.

How does clay pigeon shooting relate to inspiration? Combine the two big ideas of this article. You are ALWAYS preparing for each moment, and DON’T over think, then you come to a beautiful balance for setting intentions. Everything that happens in your life is building your wisdom and resources. At the same time, everything you need is available right now for whatever act of creation is required. It is both hard work, perseverance AND inspiration all at the same time.

The famous scientists, Watson and Crick, are great examples of the principle of minimal effort. You might imagine they worked around the clock in their ground breaking discovery of DNA. In fact, Watson played hours of tennis every afternoon, and apparently went to Cambridge parties every night. Crick rarely turned up to work before 10am and then took a coffee break within an hour. They apparently lost interest in their study of DNA at various points and made some of their most significant discoveries standing in line at the Lab’s Cafeteria. This is often the way with inspired intention.

Whether it’s riding your bike, goofing around at parties or walking the dog, some of your most creative moments happen when your mind is open and receptive but not stressed and strained. Fun is not just fun. It also reminds you to surrender control of the outcomes and join in the thrill of creative interchange. This leaves you open and ready to receive the inspiration you need and want.

Creativity and Inspiration
Break the idea down a little further. Where is the mind- is it contained in the brain, or does it extend further than your own brain? What is the relationship between the individual mind and its environment? Think about this classic thought experiment. Two people are travelling to a museum at the same time. One of them is of sound mind and the other one has Alzheimer’s. One knows the way to the museum by memory. The other one with Alzheimer’s Disease has the directions to the museum written in a notebook. They both arrive at the museum at the same time. Which one is using their mind? We more easily equate memory with mind but they are both clearly using their minds. The mind of the second person extends to include the notebook. His notebook is part of his mind. He created the system, trusts it and uses it to inform his memory.

Technology takes the idea of an extended mind even further than a notebook. Do you remember when TiVo first came out? It records television shows based on past choices. There was a famous case in the early 2000s about the guy who complained that TiVo thought he was gay because it kept recording shows with gay themes. He tried to correct TiVo’s assumption by overcompensating and recording lots of violent war movies and wrestling shows. TiVo then decided he was an insane Nazi and recorded documentaries on the Third Reich. His story ended up as an episode on the comedy show The King of Queens.

It’s clearly not always right, but TiVo is an example of technology where you extend your mind to interact with your environment. Now Amazon will send you suggestions based on patterns in your purchases. Google is an even more sophisticated form of technology that extends your mind. The more strategic you are with the wording of your search, the more helpful the answers will be. I found a site called Funny Google, which puts your own name in place of the Google logo, making the experience even more personalized. Now your google search is a literal extension of your mind and identity.

Whether it’s a notebook, a slide rule, TiVo or Google, these are all ways of taking your mind out into the world and letting your environment help you think.

Beyond technology, conversation is a way of putting people together and bouncing ideas off each other, to the point where you might say “Whose idea was that anyway?”

When you think of DNA, you most likely think of Watson and Crick. But very few people have heard of Rosalind Franklin who was instrumental in Watson and Crick’s discoveries. In 2003, Dr. Raymond Damadian spent $300,000 to place ads in major newspapers claiming that he should have been included in the Nobel Prize for the invention of the MRI, and not the two scientists who were given credit for the invention in the early 1970s.

Creative energy is like that. It is a process and a network. You can’t always tell who is responsible and you can’t always tell when discoveries are made because many people and many energies collaborate in new advances and they are happening all the time.

It’s the same with intentions. You have to believe them to see them. Picture a bold intention for your life or the world. Hold it steady in your mind with detail and clarity. Add in a burst of perseverance to the image, something that signifies a never say die attitude. Then add in a large dose of surrender to the latent powers of inspiration.

There is nothing you can’t achieve if you partner with the creative energy of the universe that wants you to succeed, and will support your efforts if you have good intent.

You are making a difference, and having fun doing it. In the immortal words of Sinatra, “do it wu wei” and get in the flow of life.

The Power of Persistence

This piece was first posted on Soulseeds in the Grapevine blog where I post most of my writing.

During the 2000 Sydney Olympics, Kenyan long-distance runner Kip Lagat was asked why her country produced so many great runners. "It's the road signs," she replied with a cheeky smile. "'Beware of lions'!" It was one of those priceless moments you can’t script and there was a ring of truth to it as well.

Why ARE Kenyans such good runners? There are lots of theories about this. Some argue that Kenyans are genetically endowed with a high ratio of slow twitch fiber in their muscles, as opposed to the high proportion of fast twitch fiber in sprinters’ muscles. Others argue that it’s all related to environment. In Kenya, kids aren’t dropped at school in SUV’s or yellow school buses. They run to school, and they run a long way. The average Kenyan teenager runs 12 miles a day. I don’t even drive that far in a day. They run to school and turn around and run home at the end of the day.

The genetic factor is no doubt significant, but it’s just as much a learned skill. The environmental factor in Kenyan running ability is enormous. Running is a way of life, it’s a matter of status and for many Kenyans it’s a matter of life and death. It’s like the difference between a rabbit and a fox? The fox is running for dinner and the rabbit is running for its life.

Whether its long distance running, parenting, learning new skills or setting bold intentions, we now understand that to a greater degree than we ever imagined, we can create an environment to support our ideals. It’s an incredible time to be alive, as science gives more and more significance to environment over just being determined by genetic makeup. Passion, persistence and process are every bit as powerful as genes in creating the life we want to live. As a father, this leads me to stand alongside my children, tell them to reach for their dreams, fill them with self belief and optimism and help them create the type of environment that supports their dreams. As a spiritual leader, it leads me to stand alongside people who are dealing with difficult life circumstances and remind you in the words of Christopher Robbin to Winnie the Pooh, “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think” and I would add, capable of far more than you give yourself credit for.

In the past, we believed that God set the limits on human ability, and that we were born with divinely ordained traits and limitations. If you achieved anything it was a gift from God. If you fell short, you justified it because it wasn’t God’s will. It was a disempowering belief. For the last 100 years, genes have replaced God as the standard bearer of human determinism. The incredibly liberating truth of our day is that neither God nor genes need be self limiting concepts.

Don’t get me wrong. There are genetic limitations. No matter how much I practice, there is no chance in the world that I will EVER become a world class ballerina. No matter how much money I spend on lessons or dance instruction, I will never make a living as a ballerina. Genes are significant. It’s just that they don’t control your destiny anywhere near as much as we previously believed. Science now tells us that genes only become traits when they interact with the environment. This is why genetic scientist Steven Pinker can have the baldness gene and still have a head of hair that would put Samson to shame. It explains why sets of identical twins with identical genetic makeup can be quite different in some areas of their personality or circumstances. It is due to environmental factors.

This has huge significance for the topic of persistence. Persistence is part of the process of learning and growing through life. It is about becoming, and overcoming limitations. It tells me that like the rabbit, your level of desire will mostly determine whether you attain your goals.

As a father, I was moved by Will Smith in the movie The Pursuit of Happiness and his commitment to his son while he overcame so many obstacles. At one point he said to his son,

Don't ever let somebody tell you you can't do something. Not even me. All right? You got a dream... You gotta protect it. People can't do somethin' themselves, they wanna tell you you can't do it. If you want somethin', go get it. Period.

Will Smith, the civilian, seems to believe this just as much as the characters he portrays. A few years back he gave an interview where he spoke about the secret of success. He first described the power of intentions. He said, “Make a choice. Decide what it’s gonna be, who you’re gonna be, how you’re gonna do it. I can create whatever I want to create. We are who we choose to be.” Then the interviewer asked if others without his opportunities could do what he has done. He then spoke about the power of persistence. The key factor is “I will not be outworked. You might have more talent than me. You might be smarter than me. You might outdo me in 9 categories out of 10. But get on a treadmill together, one of two things is going to happen. You gonna get off the treadmill or I’m gonna die on that treadmill.” The power of persistence is hard work and hustle.

You put two people alongside each other; sportspeople, business people, whatever. The two people have similar genetic makeup. Which one is more likely to succeed? The one who has the burning passion to persist through pain and obstacle, with little sleep and little reason to keep going, but they keep going anyway. The one more likely to succeed is the one who will stand in the flames of struggle to fulfill their dreams. Put two visions or plans alongside each other- the one that is backed by passion will win every time.

Persistence and Growth

Persistence is an essential companion to intention. Work out where you want to go, decide how important it is to you to get there, then follow that burning passion with dogged determination. Once your imagination is captured by vision and passion, you will climb Mt Everest if you need to, to make sure your intention becomes a reality. Speaking of climbing Mt Everest, take the persistence of Sir Edmund Hillary as an inspiration.

In 1953 he scaled the highest mountain then known to man-29,000 feet straight up. He was knighted for his efforts. But you have to understand the persistence that led to his success. In 1952 he failed in his attempt to climb Everest. A few weeks later he was speaking to a group in England. He walked out on stage to huge applause. Hillary was deeply moved by their belief in him because he was feeling like a failure. Caught up in the moment, he abandoned his prepared speech. He walked to the edge of the platform, made a fist and pointed at a picture of the mountain. He then said in a booming voice, "Mount Everest, you beat me the first time, but I'll beat you the next time because you've grown all you are going to grow... but I'm still growing!"

I’m still growing. This is the mantra of persistence. You’re still growing. You’re always still growing. Your growth is outpacing the growth of your challenges. Growth may even be slow. At times it may feel nonexistent. Human growth is like the bamboo plant. After it is planted, there is no visible growth for up to five years - even under ideal conditions! Just when you think it has no hope, it suddenly begins growing at the rate of nearly two and a half feet per day, reaching a full height of ninety feet within six weeks.

It’s unexpected, but if you could see beneath the ground, you would see the incredible system of roots that are developing for those first five years. It’s the same for you. Even when you feel discouraged that you aren’t growing, or aren’t growing as fast as you would like, there are roots developing deep within that are preparing you for leaps of epic proportions. Every time you persevere when the going is tough, your life becomes more deeply rooted in strength. Every time your detractors tell you that you can’t do something, and you refuse to believe them, your intentions become more deeply rooted in passion.

In 2009, a man named Joe Willie “Pinetop” Perkins won a Grammy Award for his album Pinetop Perkins and Friends. That in itself is not noteworthy. It’s only surprising if you know that Pinetop Perkins was 95 years old when he won the award. You could say he was a late bloomer, like a bamboo plant. After a life of setbacks and struggle, he never stopped believing in himself. He got his first break in his eight decade, and never looked back. He died in March of this year, at age 97, a chain smoker to the end.

Human Spirit

As much as I believe in the significance of genes, there is no gene for the human spirit. There is no gene for persistence. It is a learned trait, a passion fired in the crucible of human experience. Thomas Edison, who knew a thing or two about trying and experimenting, once said, “Genius is one percent inspiration, and 99 percent perspiration.” It’s like the Zen saying, “Fall down 7 times, get up 8.” Edison went well beyond 7 stumbles. But it’s not even about failure. Reframe the saying, “Attempt 7 times, and succeed on the eighth.” Try something 999 times, succeed on the 1000th. If that involves falling down, so be it. It’s all part of the process of learning, growth and becoming. Persistence is believing that success lies at or just beyond the next attempt.

To this point I have used the words persistence and perseverance interchangeably. Is there a difference between persistence and perseverance? If there is a difference, it is in their scope. Persistence is in the details and perseverance is in the big picture. You persist with a course of action or a plan. You persevere with a vision, an idea or a belief. This is important, because there are times when you have to change your course of action and you can do that without giving up on your vision. Let me illustrate.

We got a family pet about 6 months ago, a little dog named Millie. At home she is meek and mild, but when in the woods surrounded by squirrels she becomes a monster. She chases every squirrel in sight with a passion that makes your heart sing (and makes the squirrels heart skip a beat). She hurdles logs and charges through bushes like a maniac. You know what- she NEVER even gets close to them. But that doesn’t put her off one iota. She finishes chasing one and turns around to chase another, as if it’s her duty in life.

On the one hand, I want to live like Millie. When I know what I want to achieve in life, I want to chase it like Millie chases squirrels. When I hit an obstacle or a challenge, I want to charge through it in search of my dreams. When I fall down, or hit a dead end, I want to get up and keep running. On the other hand, there comes a time when you have to realize you’re living your life like a dog chasing a squirrel. It’s time to change the plan. But don’t lose the vision. Persevere with the vision, even if you don’t persist with a course of action.

Of course Millie just enjoys the chase, and we could all do with a little canine joy in the process without concern for outcomes.

Where Does Motivation Come From?

Many of us were taught to persevere because God demands it. It was a matter of obedience. We were taught that God has set a race for us, and our role is to persist to the end which is eternal life. We were told that it’s a straight line and heaven is the reward and the motivation.

Now many of us don’t think of God or the afterlife in the same literal ways and we KNOW from experience that life is rarely lived in a straight line. So where does our motivation come from to persevere even through the most difficult trials? It comes from an inner drive for authenticity, a trait that many feel comfortable calling the God within. Whether you give this quality divine language or not, it is a process of becoming rather than a fixed state or an end point. Your motivation is to become more of who you are, to sing the song that is in your heart demanding to be sung. I like using divine language for this process because it reminds me that there is something magical about being captured by a cause larger than myself. There is no set plan for the future. My vision allows plenty of room to change direction along the way. We are creating the future as we go. But when you persevere with a vision, it feels fateful. It feels as if it was meant to be. It feels divinely inspired. How could you give up on something that is divinely inspired?

This doesn’t mean it’s easy. Sometimes you feel all at sea, as if there is too much moving and changing all around you. Just as it helps to look at the horizon when you feel sea sick, it also helps to look above the surface level changes to your vision to remind yourself why it’s worth persevering. The reason for sea sickness is the imbalance caused by two much movement, your body is moving and the boat is moving. Looking at the horizon stabilizes your posture and helps to distinguish between the movement of your body and the movement of the boat. Perseverance is the determination to maintain your inner posture when things outside of you are changing.

There is no gene for inspiration, just hard work and determination. In short, perseverance is recognizing what you have inside of you, and setting out to make it a reality AND keeping on going even when the odds are stacked against you because you see the big picture. Look for it out at the horizon of possibilities.

The Power of Intention

This article was first posted at Soulseeds in the Grapevine blog.

What is the difference between a prayer and an intention? Depending on how you think about prayer, probably nothing. They are both proactive and powerful. If you take a passive approach to prayer, however, it has less in common with the power of intention. Take for example the Day of Prayer planned by Texan Governor Rick Perry. His website claims that they are unable to fix many of the problems in America and so they are looking to Jesus to fix them. The event is called The Response which is ironic because they appear to be abrogating all responsibility. Their view of prayer follows the old country song, “Let Jesus take the wheel.” The website says, “There is hope for America. It lies in heaven and we will find it on our knees.”

There are many solutions to the problems in America and Jesus won’t be solving any of them. It is the responsibility of every one of us to be an active part of the solution. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. I can only imagine that if Jesus was around today he wouldn’t be running prayer meetings. He would be at the frontline addressing peoples’ needs in tangible and practical ways.

So what is the role of prayer in America’s problems? Even mainline views of prayer are more balanced than Rick Perry’s apparently passive Day of Prayer event. Take for example the conservative televangelist Oral Roberts who died in 2009. When you fly in to Tulsa Oklahoma you can see the entrance of Oral Roberts University from the plane. At the gates there is a massive sculpture known as The Praying Hands, standing 60 feet tall and weighing 30 tons, the largest bronze monument in the world. At first glance, it appears to be a straightforward image of two hands in prayer pose. But when you look closer, you see that they are not two identical hands. You have to dig a little to find the reason for this, but Oral Roberts himself said, “The Hands represent the hand of a physician using the natural forces of God’s earth and the hand of the prayer partner offering the prayer of faith.” One hand represents prayer and the other hand represents human expertise.

Oral Robert’s view of prayer is closer to the mainstream. It keeps the sense of personal responsibility. Prayer is not an excuse for inaction. Each of us has a responsibility to use our hands, and brains and skills to serve the whole. So what is the purpose of the other hand, the prayer hand?

There is a partial truth in Rick Perry’s Day of Prayer initiative. He says there are some problems we can’t solve. This is true, but the problems in America are not among the unsolvable problems. The problems in American are very solvable if we have the will to do so and work together. There are other things we can’t control. The role of prayer, and this is true across many different views of prayer, is to acknowledge that we can’t control everything in life. Prayer is an act of surrender, humility and intention. Prayer is a way of releasing the burden of control over circumstances such as natural disasters, other peoples’ choices and evolutionary forces. It includes an element of gratitude for forces that hold the universe in place beyond our efforts, and it includes a surrender of outcomes beyond our control.

It’s not so much about “ask and you shall receive.” It’s more about, “express your deepest questions and doubts and at the right time the answer will become clear.” In the meantime, get comfortable with uncertainty, stop expecting that two and two will not equal four and give up what your ego has convinced you that you need to receive. The initiative and the power lie within you to discern between things you can control and things you need to surrender. If you can’t control or fix or change something, then change your attitude to the situation. Surrender to the flow of life, and all that you truly need will find you because it is WITHIN you. You just need to peel away some of the protective layers and pride. Prayer is one way to do this.

My own view of prayer has evolved a LOT over the years. I used to think of prayer as communication with a supernatural being external and apart from myself. Now I think of prayer as communication with the part of myself that is larger than me but still deep within me, my higher power by any name. God is no longer a mysterious OTHER, and is now the mysterious MORE that fills life with meaning and powerful possibilities beyond my small concerns. This mysterious more includes the untapped power of mind, the limitless strength of character, the collective power of shared vision, the wisdom of nature and so much more. There is more possibility in life than our small perspective usually allows us to see. Prayer is one way to tap into this power.

Prayer and Intention

Prayer is less about asking and more about imagining. This is where prayer merges with intention. With intentions, you have the power to imagine the future of your wildest dreams, a future that serves you and others in powerful ways. The power of intention is the ability to think from the end and work backwards. Imagination is your memory of the future.

Michelangelo once said about his masterpiece Statue of David: "I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free." It existed first in his imagination, as if he was carving it out of his memory. It began in his unconscious mind, and then came to birth in the marble.

Some people argue that the unconscious, or most ancient, parts of the brain have no way of distinguishing between what is real and what is imagined. There seems to at least be some truth to this statement. Anyone who screamed out loud in Spielberg’s new movie Super 8 knows what I’m talking about. Our brains have the ability to feel fear about things that are not real and may never be real. We also have the ability to imagine futures that are incredibly exciting. To the extent that this is true, you could say that if you focus on imagined fear your brain will think this is real. If you focus on an exciting future, also imagined, your brain will think this is real. Either way it’s a choice.

This is how intentions work. You look out to an imagined end point and work backwards. You train your brain to believe that your future is a reality and begin to take steps to live this reality. There is an awesome example of this from Shell Oil Company. Oil companies need to project a long way into the future, including the price of commodities, global forces and unrest in the Middle East, to name a few. In the early 1990s, when they were projecting an oil price of $20 to $30 per barrel let alone the $120 a barrel we now have, they contracted a surprising support person. Betty Sue Flowers is a PhD in English, and worked closely with Joseph Campbell on the Power of Myth. She was contracted to write stories for Shell. She participated in meetings with strategists and economists and crafted their numbers and strategies into story form. Every day she revised the stories and circulated them to the team.

Eventually they created a series of scenarios about how the future might play out. The scenarios were based on scientific predictions but included some wiggle room for uncertain forces. The team was then able to choose their preferred scenario. In an interview, Flowers said this, “when you tell stories about the future, even if you're not claiming to forecast, there's some sense...that actually the future is the story you choose. Now that is very un-economic in its basis. It's not the "invisible hand" working out invisibly, like a machine. Its human beings coming in and saying "I choose Scenario A, not Scenario B." It's a different emphasis--it puts the human being more in the center, in very nuanced ways, instead of these huge impersonal forces. It's very subtle. But it makes a big difference.”

They learnt some important things that relate to intentions.

1. You don't know the future- but you can create scenarios that make sense and CHOOSE one.

2. The scenarios don’t necessarily have straight lines and fixed outcomes. You can rewrite them as you learn and experience more of life.

3. Use your preferred vision of the future to create the present that you want.

Visualizations

Visualization is one way of practicing the power of intention. You can actually visualize the future you want and begin to make it a reality. Try it out. Choose something that comes from your deepest sense of purpose.

Visualize a powerful intention for your life or for the world. Let it come from your highest purpose where what you want, what others need and who you are, are one and the same thing. Picture it in your mind with as much detail and clarity as you can. Feel it in your body. Be it with all your might. Frame it in a scene that is full of blue sky and light. See yourself in the vision, looking strong and fulfilled.

Now let it become part of your present reality. Let your intention loose. Let it unfold. Let it be a path on which your dreams can travel.

Consider adding an affirmation to your visualization. Something like this-

A vibrant and exciting future is unfolding in perfect order.

Unlike the view of prayer where you let Jesus have the wheel, this view of prayer is empowering and full of personal responsibility. You have everything you need, right within you, to both create the reality you desire and surrender the parts of life that you can’t control. It’s all within you, waiting to be liberated like Michelangelo’s angel in marble. Carve the life of your wildest dreams out of the raw material of your humanity; your memory which has more knowledge of past, present and future than you could imagine, your strength that is shaped by life’s challenges, your skill that is honed by years of practice and your wisdom that knows what to change and what to surrender.

You are connected to the source and power of intentions, your own and others. It is a power that no single religion possesses. It can't be possessed. Religions can hint at this power with stories and metaphors, but this is far bigger than any religion. This is a global awakening. Imagine the revolution when people unite their loving intentions for the good of all. There is no limit to what can be achieved.

Are Your Truths True?

This article is linked from Soulseeds where I post more of my writing. Please sign up for the weekly Soulseeds newsletter.

When we arrive home after a few days or weeks away, someone in the family will inevitably say “AJ” as they walk in the door. There is a particular odor that we all associate with the previous owner and even though we’ve lived here for 8 years, the distinctive smell remains. We only notice it after we’ve been away. Otherwise we don’t notice it because we’ve become so used to it. I guess that’s why it’s sometimes easy to miss your own body odor. You’re used to it, and it’s impossible to get away from yourself for a few days even if others wish you would…get away.

Some of the thoughts in your mind are like a lingering odor. You are so used to them that you don’t even notice that you are living as if they are absolutely true. You take them for granted without question, unless you arrive back after a mental getaway, sniff at the edge of your consciousness and see your thoughts in a new light.

There are many ways to look at your thoughts in a new light, and most personal growth systems offer techniques to challenge unquestioned beliefs. Both personal development leader Byron Katie and the philosopher Michael Foucault who died in 1984, devised a series of questions to do just that. They are an odd couple, with no obvious connection to each other except that their questions share a strange synergy. Katie’s questions are coming from a personal perspective, and Foucault’s questions are coming from a social perspective.

Here are the questions they each ask

Katie
What is the truth?
Can you absolutely know it’s true?
What self belief does the truth lead to?
Who would you be without the truth?

FoucaultWho can tell the truth?
What is the truth about?
What are the consequences of the truth?
What is the relationship between the truth and social authority?



The Personal Dimensions of Truth

Katie calls her work The Work. It goes something like this.

What is your truth? X doesn’t care about me because he doesn’t listen.

Can you absolutely know it’s true? It feels true, but then again he did hear me last week when I told him about my fear and he seemed to care then. There could be many reasons why he seems distant, and they might have very little to do with me. I get mixed messages from him, but I really don’t and can’t know what’s going on inside his head or in his life. I don’t know for sure that he doesn’t care.

What self belief does the truth lead to? Thinking that X doesn’t care about me makes me feel rotten. The less I feel his care, the more I strive to earn it. It makes me feel unworthy of care from anyone. Ultimately it reminds me of my own self loathing.

Who would you be without the truth? I would be liberated without the thought that X doesn’t care about me. I would spend less time second guessing his thoughts and feelings, and more time healing my relationship with myself.

With this approach, you can change the story, and turn around some of the painful thoughts. The turn around here is that I care about myself, I listen to my feelings and if X listens to me it’s a bonus. I can enjoy the moments where I feel cared about, and I’m not devastated when I don’t feel cared for because I don’t expect my self worth to be filled by other people.

I appreciate the simplicity of Katie’s approach and use versions of it often in my own life. However it’s not always as simple as that. Sometimes there are related issues.

The Social Dimension of Truth
Some of the truths you tell yourself grow out of your relationships; with parents, children, teachers, the media, the government or social norms accepted without question. In Foucault’s case, he wrote a lot about sanity, prisons and sexuality. As a prisoner, your view of the world is formed by your relationship with the penal system. Prison is not just punishment. It also creates a belief that you are constantly being watched. Mental health and sexuality are defined according to the categories given to you by society, eg gay, straight, insane, schizophrenic etc. If your truths don’t match the categories, you feel pressured to conform your truth to match society.

Who can tell the truth? All truth is formed in a context. When you claim your power as a fearless truth teller, you realize that you don’t have to be or do what other people expect of you. You tell your own truth AND it can change over time and in different circumstances. You tell your truth in the context of your various roles in society, which create your unique insight.

What is the truth about? Truth always has a trajectory. Society usually decides the direction of truth- for example women are this way and men are that way. Decide on your own story. Claim your gender, sexuality and personality without apology and without society’s biases.

What are the consequences of the truth? Foucault famously said, “People know what they do; frequently they know why they do what they do; but what they don't know is what what they do does." Your truths have consequences in the world beyond your mind. They affect other people’s truths and the systems that we are all related to. Live mindfully. Are your truths nurturing the sort of environment where diversity and authenticity can flourish for you and all others?

What is the relationship between the truth and social authority? The 1990s song from the Disposable Heroes of Hypopricy said, “Television- is it the reflector or the director? Do we imitate it, or does it imitate us?” Is society the way it is because of our collective truths, or are our truths formed by society? Likely a complex mixture of both. Choose to focus on self determination. If they give you lined paper to write on, write sideways. Be the best version of yourself, a perspective that includes the good of others.

Nothing But the Truth

Katie keeps the process grounded in personal responsibility and reality as it is rather than the stories that aren’t serving you or those around you. Foucault also focuses on personal responsibility but offers some broader perspective to the personal dimensions of Katie’s work. Together they offer some key questions for checking in with your assumptions and habitual thoughts.

A concluding quote from Katie-

“A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It’s not our thoughts, but our attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing that it’s true, without inquiring. A belief is a thought that we’ve been attaching to, often for years."

Still Small Voice of Peace

Our kids have pretty much grown out of singing the road trip blues-“Are we there yet? When are we going to get there? I’m hungry. I’m thirsty. I’m bored. I need to go to the bathroom.” Masters of catastrophe, kids are! One of the kids will say, “I’m starving.” I will reply, “Kids in Africa who haven’t eaten in days are starving. You on the other hand, had a sandwich fifteen minutes ago. You are not starving.” Or else, a kid will say, “I’m dying of thirst.” And I reply, “That is highly unlikely but don’t tempt me.” One of our kids, who shall remain nameless, hit the jackpot with the most woeful statement and had us all laughing. After several rounds of complaints, this one said, “I’m dying to death back here.” Dying to death! That could be the mantra for catastrophizing.

We’ve tried banning the expression “I’m starving.” A little mindfulness about the power of language can’t go astray. Of course it’s not just kids who excel at catastrophizing. I found a small lump on my body recently and within minutes I had imagined myself in months of chemo and radiation. I pictured myself bald. Then I day dreamed my death bed scene telling the kids how much I love them and kissing Meg for the last time, wondering if she will remarry. All of this anxiety was created over what turned out to be a boil. It seems it is easier to lance a boil than it is to dissect the workings of the human ego.

Catastrophizing does not serve you well. At best, it leaves you depressed and anxious. At worst it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. If the worst never arrives, you worried for nothing. If it does happen, you endure it twice. Catastrophizing tells the stories that pessimism wants to hear to justify its perspective. Catastrophizing is sitting in traffic and imagining that the meeting you are missing is the beginning of the end of your career. Catastrophizing is looking at your child’s report card and imagining that he will never get a college degree. Catastrophizing creates stories with very little basis in reality, feeds the stories with evidence from unrelated situations, spirals in negativity and eventually becomes irrational and closed to all reasonable conversation.

We’re pretty good at it as a society as well. Every time I hear people talking about America sliding down the slippery slope to socialism, my mind goes back to the kids in the back seat telling me that “they’re starving.” Do you remember the hyped up drama about “death panels” a few years back? Some people seemed to think that President Obama would personally be visiting nursing homes with a pillow tucked under his arm. When public conversations become irrational like this, not much is achieved.

We’ve seen this many times before, on both sides of issues. The passage of the Civil Rights Bill in the 1960s had its own controversial path. Many people became convinced that whites would be enslaved in this new world order. Now, 40 years later, we take the Civil Rights Bill for granted and very few people are worried about a black takeover of the country. I can’t help wondering if in 10 or 40 years time, there will be a universal health care system in America and we will all look back and say “what was all the fuss about?” That’s often the way with catastrophizing. As the predicted dates for the end of the world come and go, and as all the anticipated anxiety fails to materialize, we look back and smile at our over active imaginations.

Catastrophizing is often built around pre existing conditions like fear of change or self doubt. It’s another cunning ploy from your ego to play small and hide behind fear.

There is a fascinating story told in the Bible about the Israelites floundering in the wilderness, and they are imagining the worst. They shout to Moses, “We’re dying to death out here.”

Here is the actual text-

They said to Moses, “Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt? Didn’t we say to you in Egypt, ‘Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians’? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!” Exodus 14:10-12

You can’t really blame them for thinking they are dying to death. They couldn’t flick ahead a few pages to see how it turned out like we can, or watch Charlton Heston save the day in the movie The Ten Commandments.

In the face of their catastrophizing, here is Moses answer to them.

Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Exodus 14:13-18

Now this is interesting. Was Moses being optimistic? Because we know the story, we know that it took 40 years, rather than one day, for the Israelites to find freedom. Maybe Moses was not talking about their physical deliverance, but an inner freedom that was theirs to claim that very day.

Moses offers three antidotes to catastrophizing, all based on negating fear.

1. See alternatives. Your imagination is powerful. So use it to conjure up multiple scenarios. Then remind yourself that any of them is possible. Even your most positive predictions may fall short of reality.

2. Stand firm. Be patient and allow the situation to unfold. Don’t be too quick to form conclusions about good and bad. Bad can very quickly seem better once worse happens. Good can easily be forgotten once better happens. There is always more to come. Sometimes good things change so that better things can emerge. Stay open because everything that happens makes you wiser and stronger.

3. Be still. In other words, stop swirling in fantasy about unknowns and dwell in this moment where everything is as it is.

For the most part, it’s a mind game and it’s a game you can win.Your mind functions like a committee. The committee is constantly bombarding you with different voices and opinions. One of the members of the committee is catastrophe, the pessimist who wants to remind you to expect the worst. Maybe the voice of catastrophe is simply echoing the voices of people who haunt your life with their negativity; a teacher, an ex or a business nemesis. They all have their perspective, and they all bring something worthwhile to the table. But none of them holds all the truth of your life.

There is a still small voice that stands firm in the midst of all the other voices. This is the voice of your true essence, your highest self that transcends and includes all other perspectives and roles. It’s a small voice, not because it lacks power. On the contrary, this is your most powerful voice. It’s small because it has no need to raise its voice in anger, or shout irrational obscenities in meetings. It’s small because it waits to hear the answers to its questions and keeps an open mind. It has no predetermined ideas as to how the future will play out; preferring to urge you to be all you can be in each moment, a work in progress.

It’s a still voice, not because it lacks conviction. On the contrary, this is your most powerful voice. It’s still because it doesn’t fight reality. It’s small because it has nothing to prove and compels you forward with gentle persuasion. It states its case calmly and respectfully, and genuinely looks for win/win solutions.

The intent of spiritual practices such as meditation, yoga, contemplation and so many other practices is awareness so that you know which committee member is ruling your life at a given moment. With this awareness, you can choose to appoint the still small voice as the chair of your mind’s committee. As chair, it can affirm and embrace each voice for what it is, but not be ruled by any one voice. Spiritual practice helps you to tune into the still small voice and live your life with contentment and skilful means.

In this moment, stand firm and be still, all is well and all will be well no matter what the circumstance.

Please visit Soulseeds for inner peace resources.

Harvesting Memories

Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine on a park bench. They had been meeting at that park every sunny day for over 12 years… chatting, and enjoying each other’s company.

One day, the younger of the two ladies, turns to the other and says, “Please don’t be angry with me, but I am embarrassed, after all these years, my memory is not what it used to be. . .What is your name? I just can’t remember.”

The older friend stares at her, looking very confused, says nothing for two full minutes, and finally says, “How soon do you need to know?”

I’m speaking about memory today. I’m sure there’s a good reason for that, but I can’t remember it right now. As Meg says I have a photographic selective memory. When it comes to household chores, I run out of film.

My topic is memory because it’s Memorial Day. What role does memory play in your life? My hope is that you can draw inspiration from the positive memories and find some healing and transformation in the difficult memories.

Memory and Gratitude

Memory is one of the basic ingredients of gratitude, which is in turn one of the basic ingredients of optimism. We’ve had two tender memorial services in the last week. Both included inspiring eulogies for the dear departed. As I listened to the eulogies on both cases, it struck me that it would be SO powerful to tell each other’s stories like this while we are still alive. Imagine the gratitude if we took every opportunity to share memories and each other’s positive attributes while we are around to hear it.

Having said that, there is something unique about memorial services. No matter what has happened in life, or what might be unresolved in a relationship, a eulogy focuses on gratitude.

There is a funny story about a minister who is leading a memorial service. He calls on people to come forward and say a few nice words about the deceased. No one comes forward. He urges them, “Surely someone present today can say something appreciative!” Eventually a man comes to the microphone and says, “His brother was worse.”

In most cases, this is not a problem. Once someone has gone, memories come to us of good times shared and admirable qualities. They comfort and inspire us. These memories often lead to forgiveness and healing. Even when it comes to wars that you may disagree with or feel conflicted about, it’s appropriate to remember the people who have lost their lives in war. They no doubt had their mixed motives, like all of us, but our lives are built on the imperfect but well intentioned platform of those who have gone before us.

Gutzon Borglum, the sculptor who created the amazing Mount Rushmore Memorial, was once asked if he considered his work perfect in detail. “Not yet,” he replied. “The nose of Washington is an inch too long. It’s better that way, though. It’ll erode to be approximately right in about 10,000 years.”

Memory tends to be like that. We erode the imperfections of the past into a coherent whole, integrate even the difficult memories, and move forward. In time, memories fall into place as they need to.

Memory and Change

We all have stories and a lineage. Our memories are built on these stories that are part fact and part fiction. It’s not so much that we retrieve memories. We reweave memories in a way that feels consistent. There is an old Jewish story that makes this point.

When the great Rabbi Israel Baal Shem-Tov felt anxious about the future for his people, it was his custom to go into a certain part of the forest to meditate. He would light the fire, say a special prayer, and sure enough his anxiety would subside. Sometimes, his people would even be miraculously protected after his forest ritual. Years later when he was gone, it fell to the next generation to deal with the same anxiety. The head Rabbi knew the story of his ancestor in the forest but didn’t know all the details. So he would go to the same place in the forest and say: “Creator of the Universe, listen! I do not know how to light the fire, but I am still able to say the prayer,” and sure enough his anxiety would subside and often a miracle would be accomplished. Another generation later, the same ritual would take place but with even less certainty around the detail. The Rabbi would go into the forest and say, “I do not know how to light the fire. I do not know the prayer, but I know the place and this must be sufficient.” It was always sufficient. The years passed. Finally the next generation brought the head Rabbi to the same point. Sitting in his armchair, his head in his hands, he said: “I am unable to light the fire, and I do not know the prayer, and I cannot even find the place in the forest. All I can do is tell the story, and this must be sufficient.” And it was always sufficient.

Ritual and memory are like that. When I was growing up, our family had a Christmas ritual that we inherited from an English custom. Christmas pudding, steamed and served with brandy butter and cream. The earlier custom was to include certain items in the pudding before cooking it; silver coins for wealth, tiny wishbones for good luck, a ring for marriage etc. Whoever found the items in their pudding on Christmas day would get what they chomped on. When I was young, my parents would put coins in the pudding that they had collected from their parents; shillings and sixpence and the like. They must have gone missing, because by the time I was about 10 the coins were current day coins. Then when people started losing teeth on their Christmas pudding and the hygiene of cooking metal in pudding was questioned, we stopped putting coins in the pudding altogether. But we still ate the pudding and brandy butter endures to this day. Just like the story of the Rabbis, eating the pudding and telling stories about the coins of Christmas past was always enough.

Tradition, ritual and memory are based on ever changing memory and culture. One of the dangers of religion is the expectation that tradition remains the same. It’s not possible. All traditions change, and there should be no guilt about allowing rituals to evolve. It’s all based on memory, and as Barbara Kingsolver wrote in Animal Dreams, “Memory is a complicated thing, a relative to truth, but not its twin.”

Memories in Nature

Nature has always been the focus of significant memories both for individuals and cultures. The ancient story is told that while the Israelites were in exile, they were particularly desperate and anxious. The rainbow was their reminder that they were part of something larger than their circumstance. Before they understood how rainbows came about, they no doubt filled it with supernatural meaning. They put the meaning on the rainbow that their God (hope) was larger than any natural disaster like a flood and larger than their exile. In non theistic language, we could say that they were comforted by the evolving reality that all things are constantly moving and changing. Despair and grief may feel like the last word, but there is always a rainbow close by the rain. Rainbows are universally loved, even now that we do understand how they occur. The meaning we place on rainbows, however, might be different.

I remember taking a wedding on a beach a few years back. Clouds were looming and the bride was getting anxious. People were constantly looking up at the sky to check for rain. A few drops of rain began to fall, smudging the marriage license. Just when we were about to turn and run for cover, the rain stopped and a massive rainbow appeared right behind us. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect. It was as if the rainbow was framing the happy couple like a gazebo. The rainbow was a reminder not to give up which was similar to the original intent of the covenant between the Israelites and their God.

There is always more to come. It’s such an important part of a covenant, whether it’s an agreement between two people or two nations or between humans and the earth. There is always more to learn, more to understand and more to come. We now know that there is nothing supernatural about a rainbow. It’s all about the refraction of light as it passes through water. There is nothing supernatural, but there is something magical about the rainbow. It’s AS IF they are coming from beyond. It’s the same with memories and ritual. There is nothing supernatural about miracles that appear to come from nowhere. They are formed in the brain. But there is something magical about the healing qualities of memory that can turn wounds into wisdom and pain into perspective.

Do you ever arrive somewhere for the first time and “feel” like you’ve been there before? Maybe it’s a smell or a sound that triggers your memory of another time or place. The memory could trigger a protective instinct or some kind of reassurance. For me, the smell of pine after rain in Duncan Woods triggers an incredible surge of optimism. A 20 minute walk in the woods takes me back to childhood hikes. The smell of the beach refuels me. There is a sign down at the beach at Grand Haven. It says, “No refueling on the beach.” I always smile at the sign because this is one of the places where I totally refuel. The beach takes me back to childhood vacations, hours lying on the sand before we knew about the dangers of sun exposure. In our blissful ignorance, we would spend hours refueling each summer.

Nature, in all its beauty, is a playground for the senses and a memory emporium. It’s a place to be inspired by happy memories and heal difficult memories.

Memory and Mystery

Memory remains one of the great mysteries of consciousness. How do birds travel thousands of miles every year and apparently stop at the same points each year on their trek? How do they know? How do new generations of birds know to continue the same route? Are they taking visual cues or following their nose? No one knows. Then there is the clownfish; remember, Nemo? After clownfish hatch from their eggs, they spend 10 to 12 days in the open sea, carried out by currents. But they often miraculously find their way back to the reefs where they were born. Apparently they sniff for leaves that fall into the sea from rainforests near their coral reef homes. Memory fills their senses and brings them home.

Do you ever find yourself somewhere and sense that you have been there before but don’t know how you know? Or do you have moments of déjà vu and wonder where in your memory the experience is coming from? Do you sometimes say something and wonder where your information came from? Memory is a mystery to be mined for meaning.

Part of the beauty of imagination is when we have memories of the future, and understand with confidence what needs to be said or done. As the White Queen says to Alice in Through the Looking Glass, “It’s a poor sort of memory that only works backwards.” The Queen warns her that it can make you giddy at first.

Maybe the point where memories collide in both directions is dreams. Dreams appear to be the brain’s way of consolidating memories. Dreams are a complex and confusing combination of memories, maybe a clearing house, where you put unlikely people in the same situation and play out frightening and delightful scenarios.

Memories are personal, subjective and evolving. As Philip Roth wrote, “each of us remembers and forgets in a pattern whose labyrinthing windings are an identification mark no less distinctive than a fingerprint”

Dreams and memories connect you with hidden powers. Deep down you have a memory of who you are at your essence, an essence that the anxieties and traumas of life have partially robbed from your conscious mind. Explore your dreams, memories and surprising thoughts to recover some of the power of your full humanity. Once you recover some of this essence, you will feel liberated to live through floods and rainbows, love and loss without overly attaching to any of it. For there is always more to come. Namaste.